The Heart Wants What It Wants
by DustyMonkey
Summary: Alex/Olivia Alex/Casey Alex's longtime relationship with Olivia is withering and dying, and she starts to fall in love with her best friend Casey. Who will she ultimately choose? Does the heart know what it wants?
1. chapter 1

**I know I have a couple other stories going right now but I have actually been working on this one for almost a year and finally decided it may be good enough to publish.**

 **Alex/Olivia and Alex/Casey**. **Enjoy and PLEASE** **review!**

Alex looks at her phone for what has to bhe hundredth time in an hour.

It's almost eleven PM. Olivia was supposed to be home two hours ago. Her phone is going straight to voicemail and she isn't picking up at her office.

This has been the norm lately; Olivia being late. Sometimes she gives her girlfriend a heads up and sometimes she has to call around to Amanda or Finn to find her. Time gets away from her.

But she has to know that Alex worries. Her job is dangerous and when she doesn't come home or call or text, her mind assumes the worst and all the terrible scenarios dance through her mind.

They have been together for four years. They've known each other much longer than that, but only been an official couple for four years. They have been great years...until recently.

Olivia was recently appointed Captain of her squad. Alex was and remains insanely happy for her. No one has worked harder or deserves it more.

But it's taken a major toll on their relationship. Olivia often works long into the night, arriving home when Alex is already asleep. She's on call all the time, and is frequently interrupted when they are home or out. And it's the job; Aldx understands that. She has a time consuming, demanding job as well. But sje decided four years ago that Olivia and her relationship would come first. Olivia had promised the same.

And now they barely see each other. Olivia has cancelled more of their dates than Alex can count. She hates coming home to an empty house, and hates even more going to bed alone.

Alex is just lonely and misses her girlfriend, misses the way things used to be.

She's spending much more time with her best friend Casey Novak. She always comes over when Olivia cancels on her and sometimes drags her out of the house and forces her to go do something with her. Alex always has fun.

She's been her best friend for six years. Alex doesn't know how it happened, really. She didn't even like her when she was re-hired at the DA's office. Alex thought she was cocky and bordered on unprofessional. But she kind of grew on her quickly. One day they just started talking in the elevator and it led to lunch and then text messages about douchebag defense attorneys. If asked, Alex would say that right after Olivia, Casey is her favorite person in the world.

Casey had a huge part of Alex and Olivia finally getting together. She teased them constantly about their flirting. When Alex would confide in her what she felt for Alex, Casey would roll her eyes and tell her to make a move already. She's always been supportive of their relationship.

Alex, however, have been critical of every person Casey has dated since they have been friends. Granted Casey doesn't date a lot. Doesn't seem interested in it, really. She's had three relationships since Alex has known her; all women.

Alex flat out hated Sherry. She would make Casey pay for everything and never even attempted to make plans for them. She got jealous when Casey would spend time with Alex. That relationship lasted about a month until Alex convinced Casey to break up with her.

Then there was Jen, whom Olivia really liked and tried to convince Alex she was perfect for Casey. She treated Casey very well and had a good job, but there was something about her that Alex didn't like. Because of that, she was never nice to her. They would go out on double dates and she would be extremely sweet and caring with Casey and for some reason it would just anger Alex and she would say something out of line. She felt she was phony, that her sweetness was an act. They dated for about six months. Jen ended things, and Casey never seemed to be as upset as Alex expected her to be. She always said she did like Jen, but did not love her. That had been the reason for the break up.

Her last girlfriend was well over a year ago. Elicia was her name. Alex picked apart their relationship right away. Elicia was always on her phone, always seemed like she had something to hide. She cheated on Casey. When Casey found out, _Alex_ been angrier than she was. She couldn't believe that someone could do that to someone as sweet and kind as Casey.

Olivia always told her that she's always going to hate everyone Casey dates because she doesn't think anyone is ever good enough for her, and that she needs to back off and let her friend be happy.

Alex can't help it that she's a good judge of character. She also can't help it if no one is good enough for Casey.

Alex can't stay up any later. She has to be in court at eight AM sharp. She sighs deeply, flipping the TV off and dropping the cable remote onto the coffeetable.

She had visions of spending the night together and making up for lost time. A nice cuddle session on the couch, swaddled in their favorite fuzzy blanket. A shower together, like they always used to. And then maybe end the night with love making.

It's been weeks since they have made love. Being physical is not the most important thing to Alex, but she does miss it. She misses the way that Olivia would take her out and they'd hold hands on the way. She misses the way Olivia would lather her hair with shampoo in the shower. She misses the way that they would sleep in each other's arms. She misses everything.

Alex doesn't fall asleep easily. She never does, really, but it's worse when she's alone. Her mind wanders too far, recalls details and events she'd rather forget. When she does manage to sleep when she's alone, she is always wracked with terrible nightmares which cause her to wake crying or screaming. When Olivia isn't there to hold her and coax her back to sleep, Alex simply doesn't sleep.

But tonight she does. Tonight, somehow, she manages to make a home in the land of slumber. She knows this because she is awakened by the mattress dipping down beside her. She doesn't know how long she's been asleep; only that she's slept.

Her girlfriend is in bed beside her now. Alex is laying on her side, clutching her body pillow close to her as if she's getting the support she needs from the intimate object. She is facing away from Olivia and Olivia slides closer to Alex, planting a kiss to her shoulder.

Normally Alex would roll over and face Olivia and they would kiss deeply and spoon until they fell asleep.

But this time she stays still. She pretends to be sleep. And she doesn't know why, really. Olivia had been what she wanted all night. She had wanted her close, wanted to feel her breath on her neck and her arms around her.

But now she just wants to sleep.

Olivia shifts around in bed for a few minutes, trying to make herself comfortable. Alex lies awake with her eyes open, waiting for Olivia to stop moving. When she finally does, Alex closes her eyes.

And sleep only finds her again when she knows that Olivia is asleep.

.2

Alex wants to make dinner for Olivia. Treat her to a special night at home, just the two of them and no phones or distractions.

Her relationship needs this. They are drifting apart, and Alex knows she has do anything she can to resurrect it.

She tells Casey her plans over Chinese takeout lunch in her office. For some reason she feels compelled to get Casey's approval; as if that will cement the idea and confirm it's the right thing to do.

"So I want to do something special for Olivia," Alex tells Casey. "We've barely seen other this week."

"How is that different than any other week?" Casey asks, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Casey has not been happy with how Olivia has, in her words, been "neglecting" Alex. And she hasn't been shy about saying so.

"That's not fair, Casey. You know how hard Olivia works. And you know how dedicated to her job she is."

"Yes I do. And she needs to be that dedicated to you."

She used to be, Alex thinks sadly. Things used to be so much different.

They used to be all over each other any free time they had. Olivia would spend weekends at Alex's apartment before they bought a house together. She would come by her office and give her a ride home every night, to make sure she got home safely. They would text each other constantly, like teenagers in love. It was bliss.

Now they are like ships sailing past each other in the night. They've grown apart, and neither can admit it.

"I know how you feel. You've made it clear." Alex clears her throat. "But I want to do something special. Tomorrow is her early night. I want to make her dinner."

Casey swallows a bite of her crab Rangoon and stares at her. "Dinner...like, as in you cooking?"

Casey's skepticism is well warranted. She's seen many a Alex Cabot cooking disasters. The grill incident of 2015. The omelette that almost made it but didn't. The time she almost dumped boiling water all over herself.

Alex narrows her eyes at Casey. "I was going to ask you to help me, obviously."

Casey nods and goes back to eating. "There it is."

"I want to get candles and rose petals and make it really romantic. Sprinkle the rose petals everywhere. I bought a new dress over the weekend. She hasn't seen it yet. I want everything to be perfect and I want to make sure she doesn't suspect anything." Alex watches as Casey leans over her desk and helps herself to a forkfull of her honey chicken. "I have to decide what to make. Will you come over and help me?"

Casey nods and waits until she swallows to respond. "I kind of have to. I really don't want you setting your house on fire. You anywhere near a stove scares the hell out of me. Let me update my insurance first then I'll surely help you."

Alex feigns insult. "Hey, I'm not that bad."

"Really?" Casey laughs. "I remember once you tried to make macaroni and cheese for us. You cooked the pasta too long and it was more like musharoni and cheese. And then you didn't know you had to add butter. Then there was last Christmas, when I had to re-boil your hard boiled eggs."

Alex can't help but laugh. Okay, the evidence is in her favor. But still. "I'll have you know I make a mean bowl of cereal and killer toaster waffles. So there. And now I'll never make them for you."

Casey laughs. "But yes, of course I will come over and help. And it sounds lovely, Alex. I'm sure Olivia will love a quiet romantic evening like that."

Casey's approval was what Alex needed. She's smiling now, the prospect of finally having a great night with her girlfriend brightening her mood.

She's planning it all out in her mind. Alex likes to make plans, figure things out and execute all the details meticulously.

She watches Casey eat and frown. "Should you be eating like this? You were out for three days with a really bad stomach bug. Do you think this much greasy food is a good idea?"

Casey shrugs. "I haven't eaten in almost four days. I'm hungry. Besides, I'm feeling better. And I like food."

Casey stays after she's done eating to run some case notes by Alex. They do this sometimes; work in each other's offices and bounce thoughts and ideas around. Alex always tells hersekr it's because they work well together. And it is. But she knows it's also because she just likes being with Casey.

Suddenly Casey grabs her stomach and moans. "That food was certainly not a good idea."

Alex shakes her head. "Don't come whining to me. I tried to tell you."

She gets up from her chair quickly. "Yep, I'm definitely going to be sick." She gets out of Alex's office quickly and Alex goes back to looking over her notes.

When Casey comes back Alex doesn't even look at her. She hands her a piece of gum from her desk and acts like she doesn't care that Casey is sick. She tries to stick to her act even when Casey moans and puts her head down on her desk.

Casey is one of Alex's weaknesses. She tries to be stern around her but always fails. Something about Casey always makes her soften. She has never been an affectionate person outside of a girlfriend, but she likes it when Casey hugs her and Alex doesn't feel the least bit shy or ashamed to hug her or show affection in another way.

Just last week Casey lost a case she poured her heart and soul into. She took it really, really hard. As soon as that gavel came down, Alex stood up and hugged Casey in front of the entire courtroom. She didn't even care who saw or what they might say.

"Allllleeexxx," Casey groans. She lifts her head and Alex can feel her looking at her. "I'm siiiiccckk..."

She says it in such a pathetic tone that Alex just crumbles. She turns and looks at her. She's resting her head on her arm and looking at Alex sorrowfully.

Alex knows it's just a virus and she isn't dying and will be just fine, but she has a desire to hug her until she's cured and feels better.

Alex makes a sympathetic face at her. Damn it, why does she always make her lose her resolve?

"Awww...I'm sorry. Maybe next time you will listen to me?" She nods slowly and Alex sighs, picking up her phone to look at the time. "It's late anyway. Why don't you come home with me and you can take a nap on that memory foam mattress you love so much? Maybe then you will feel better."

She and Olivia just bought a memory foam mattress for their guest room - AKA Casey's room, because she spends so much time at their house - and Casey loves it. She always says it's going to make her go into a coma it's so comfortable.

That particular mattress induced a fight between Olivia and Alex. Actually it was a fight about Casey, but Alex likes to say it was about the mattress because she doesn't want to admit there's any reason to fight about Casey. She's just a friend that she cares deeply about.

Casey's birthday is in a couple weeks and Alex ordered the very same mattress to be delivered to her apartment on that very day. She knows Casey will love it. Olivia felt that a sixteen hundred dollar mattress was way too expensive for a birthday gift. Normally Alex would agree. But this was for Casey, so it's okay. That's how she justified it, anyway.

As they get ready to leave the office Alex knows perfectly well that she didn't invite Casey over so she could have a comfortable place to sleep.

She invited her over so she didn't have to be alone.

.3

Homemade Alfredo pasta with grilled chicken and steamed broccoli is the winner. Because of all the options Alex laid out on the table, this is the one Casey told her she could make almost on her own. With her supervision, of course.

Alex wants it all to be perfect of course, and is very nervous. Casey can't understand why. Alex has been dating Olivia for four years. They live together. Why is Alex so nervous about tonight?

Casey decides not to define it too closely. She just wants to help her best friend make a decent dinner and try and salvage a dying romance.

The fire has gone out in Alex's eyes. Casey always loved that spark that she had, the fire behind her eyes that Olivia kept ignited for so many years.

But it's gone now, and every time Casey looks into her sad empty eyes it rips her heart right out. Olivia is her friend, but she hates her for doing this to Alex.

Casey isn't so sure this dinner is magically going to fix Alex's relationship and she knows deep down that Alex does too. But she says nothing and smiles, allowing Alex to play out this evening the way she needs to.

"Does it look okay? Does it look perfect?" Alex asks, gesturing to the table in her vast kitchen.

The red silk tablecloth is new, and Alex has sprinkled rose petals all over the table and the floor. She made a trail of them all the way to the bedroom, ending with a single rose on the bed. She has three candles on the table spaced out just so, and a bottle of Olivia's favorite wine.

Casey turns down the burner so the food will stay hot but not overcook, and takes a look at Alex's work. She admits it looks beautiful and it makes her heart lurch. Deep inside she can't help but wish this was for her. As soon as she thinks it she pushes the thought away. It's selfish and she has no right to feel it.

So instead she smiles and tells Alex its beautiful and Olivia will love it, because that's what Alex needs to hear and Casey will do anything to make Alex happy. She always does.

Alex goes to change into the dress she bought just for Olivia and Casey tends to the garlic bread so it won't burn. She's wishing with everything she has that things will improve for Alex. Not because she believes they will, but because she loves Alex and is willing to let her own heart be broken so she can feel happiness.

That's love.

Casey jumps slightly when she feels a tap on her shoulder. She spins around to face Alex. She hadn't even heard her walk back into the kitchen.

Casey's breath is taken away but this beautiful woman standing in front of her. The woman who has been her best friend, her mentor, for the last six years. The woman she's argued with, cried to and with, made fun of, and grown with. The woman she loves more than anything else in the world.

Casey doesn't know when she started to feel this way about Alex. She only knows that she can't do a thing about it.

Casey smiles. Alex looks stunning. The dress is much more revealing than anything Casey has ever seen her in before, and it hugs her curves in all the right ways. The shade of blue matches her eyes. Casey almost blushes and has to swallow and avert her eyes.

"She will love it. It's beautiful, Alex."

Olivia is due home in less than an hour. Alex gets to work setting the plates out and Casey knows it's time for her to duck out.

Casey grabs her jacket just as Alex gets a text message notification and pulls her phone out. "I'm going to head out. Olivia will love it. You guys have a great night."

Alex doesn't answer. She's too focused on her phone. She stares at the text message again, her heart dropping.

 _Babe - I am working late and then just going to go to bed. I'm sorry and I'll make it up to you. Love you, -Liv_

Alex sits down at the table, setting the phone down and sighing. She's heartbroken that Olivia is cancelling on her again.

"Alex? What's wrong?" Casey comes over and stands beside the table and when Alex doesn't answer she touches her shoulder. "Hey - You okay?"

Alex silently hands her the phone. She's trying hard not to cry. She wants Casey to read it for herself; she knows she will break down if she tries to say anything right now.

Casey reads it, and her eyes immeaditely meet Alex's. "Alex...I'm sorry." Her heart is breaking for her friend, but at the same time she feels immense anger towards Olivia.

Alex shrugs and stands up, not wanting to let on how upset she really is. "It's okay. It's the job, you know? I understand."

She turns away from Casey and goes to put the plates and silverware away. They won't be needed now.

"Hey, wait," Casey says, and she's at Alex's side in seconds. She has her jacket off again. "Why let this food go to waste? I'm hungry. I'll stay and have dinner with you."

A smile forms on Alex's face. "Really? Don't you have your bowling league tonight?"

Casey shrugs. "They can play one game without me. Besides, you're more important."

 _You're more important_. Alex wishes Olivia knew those words.

Alex hesitates and then grabs the plates and silverware again and brings them back to the table. Why not? They spent all that time cooking this delicious smelling food. Someone might as well enjoy it.

Alex pours Casey a glass of wine and Casey makes us each a plate. Before they know it they are both eating and laughing, having a great time like they always do.

Alex had been so upset, but Casey was quick to turn it around. She has that ability and Alex admires it about her.

"Alex," Casey says seriously. "I would have loved it if someone had done this for me. Loved it. It's Olivia's loss."

 **How was the first chapter?**


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia is on the phone in her office when Casey comes through her door unannounced, without even knocking.

Olivia shoots her a look, and holds up one finger to indicate not to interrupt her.

Casey will have none of that. She walks right up to the desk and hits the disconnect button.

Olivia holds the phone away from her ear and glares at Casey.

"Seriously Casey? That was an important call." She grabs the phone and attempts to redail but Casey grabs it away from her.

"And I'm here to talk about something even more important than a damn phone call."

Olivia sighs and sits back in her chair. She's known Casey a long time, and has grown accustomed to her hard-headedness. In some cases she would even say she has a tendency to overreact.

"Okay. What's up?"

Casey takes a seat without waiting for an invitation to do so. "Alex."

At the mention of her girlfriend's name, Olivia visibly softens. "What about Alex?"

Casey is giving her a hard look. "I want you to stop breaking her heart. I hate seeing her so sad."

Olivia sighs in frustration. She doesn't want to break Alex's heart; she loves Alex. "I know I haven't been spending a lot of time with her lately. It kills me; it really does. I'm finding my groove with this job. I will make it up to her, Casey."

"I don't think you know how much you're hurting her." Casey's tone is unforgiving. "She was so excited for you to come home last night. I came over and helped her cook a really nice meal for you guys. She bought candles and roses and spread rose petals everywhere. She bought a beautiful new dress just for you, and you text her to tell her you're working late and want to go to bed when you get home? She was devastated. It was such a beautiful evening she had planned and you missed it. I couldn't stand to leave her there alone so I stayed and had dinner with her. You missed out."

Olivia shakes her head, angry with herself. She's aware of the toll this job is taking on her relationship, and the thought of Alex planning something so beautiful just for her brings tears to her eyes. She has no defense good enough for missing that. "I have no excuse. I should have been there. I'm sorry. And thank you for having dinner with her."

Casey nods slowly, her eyes still angry. "Of course. I would do anything for her. And don't apologize to me; apologize to her. And this isn't the first time you've put work before her. If you can't give yourself to her the way you used to, the way she needs, cut her loose so she can be with someone who can."

Casey's bluntness hangs in the air and at first Olivia doesn't respond. She knows Casey is right, of course, but admitting it is a different thing.

"Like you?" Olivia doesn't say it in anger or even bitterness; it's merely an observation. Olivia is a trained detective and she's long known that Casey loves Alex in a way outside of friendship.

Casey licks her lips. She would love more than anything for Alex to to be her girl. But she's not a homewrecker and is not about to make a play for someone already in a relationship, even if it is someone she loves dearly.

"If that were to ever happen, it would be because it's what Alex wants. I would take care of her and love her for the rest of my life," Casey says softly. She means every word, and Olivia knows it.

Olivia looks at her with a serious expression and holds her gaze. "I know you would, Casey."

Casey feels like she is going to cry but swallows her emotions. "But believe it or not, I don't want you guys to break up. Alex loves you. I want her to be happy. I want you both to be happy. I just want her treated like she deserves."

"You think I don't love her?" Olivia's voice is laced with pain and sadness. She truly does love Alex.

"No, I think you do. In fact I know you do. But I don't think you love her enough. Not anymore."

Olivia looks down at the top of her mahogany desk. Her heart feels like it's in a vice grip. She knew this new job was hard on her and Alex both, but she didn't realize the scope of what she was doing. What kind of impact her not being around would really have on Alex.

Alex used to be completely into her work at the expense of everything else too. She would work until late into the night every night. The only time she ever spent in her home was spent sleeping and going over paperwork and prep for her next week of work.

It wasn't until she was with Olivia that she realized she could have a life outside of the District Attorney's office.

It feels like a complete role reversal for Olivia right now. At the start of their relationship it was Alex who was so consumed by her work.

"Get off early tonight and do something for her. Something with her," Casey instructs. "I can't tell you how badly she needs it. I don't want to have to go back over to the house and fix up another broken heart tonight."

Olivia is grateful for Casey, even if she never says so. She may not always see eye to eye with her, and she definitely doesn't always get along with her, but they have one thing in common - Alex. They both love Alex and want what is best for her. And even though Olivia knows she has been in the wrong for neglecting Alex, she is thankful that Casey has been there for her.

Casey gets up, having said what she came to say. "Are you going to the DA office's dinner with Alex this weekend?"

"Yes. She always subjects me to that thing."

Casey would agree with her wording on this. Casey hates these annual dinners and avoids going at all costs. It's always the same; judges and prosecutors talking work over dinner, someone always gets drunk and makes a fool of themselves. Casey doesn't fit in, so she tends to avoid going.

"Alex wants me to go too but I tell her the same thing I always do - no way in hell." Casey laughs. "Plus I don't have a date, and you don't go to one of these dinners stag."

"You're welcome to come with us. You know that," Olivia offers.

Casey scrunches her face up. She spends a lot of time with Alex and Olivia, but doesn't do the third wheel thing. She never has. "I'll take a hard pass on that. Thanks anyway. You get to suffer through it with Alex. I definitely don't envy you."

Before Casey leaves her office, Olivia thanks her again for having Alex's best interests at heart. She knows she needs to get to work fixing things but she is extremely grateful that someone like Casey looks out for Alex. Olivia trusts her completely, and knows she really would do anything to protect and take care of Alex.

Which is why she needs to work hard to repair her relationship before she loses Alex.

.2

When Olivia gets home that evening, she finds Alex curled up on the couch with her favorite blanket. The TV is on but Alex isn't really watching it; she has the blanket pulled tightly around her and her eyes are closed.

The sight makes Olivia smile. It's not late by any means - It's only a little after seven PM, one of the earliest nights she has had in awhile. Alex must be quite tired.

She isn't aware of Olivia's presence yet, so Olivia carefully and quietly goes around to the front of the couch. She grips the box she's holding in her hands tightly behind her back and leans down to kiss her girlfriend.

The kiss awakens her sleeping beauty immediately. Olivia is alarmed when her lips brush against hot, clammy flesh. Alex's eyes are open now, and her beautiful blue orbs lock onto Olivia's.

"Hey, baby. You're warm. Are you okay?"

Alex groans and shakes her head. She forces herself to sit up and it's immeaditely clear she is not feeling well. Her hair is disheveled and she is much paler than normal.

"Pretty sure I caught Casey's stomach bug," she whines. "I felt fine all day and then it just hit me. I've been throwing up all evening. I feel like death."

Olivia's heart lurches. She hates when Alex hurts or doesn't feel well. She had been planning on taking her out to dinner and a movie. But now those plans have changed to an at home cuddle session.

Olivia sits down next to her and pulls Alex's head into her lap. She strokes her soft blonde hair. "I'm sorry, sweetie. That's how those things work. They come from out of nowhere. I hope you don't get as sick as Casey was."

It feels good to comfort her this way. It's been so long since they have been together like this. Alex gladly accepts the comfort that Olivia is providing. She groans and Olivia hands her the box she had been guarding. Alex looks at her, and Olivia just shrugs.

Alex doesn't even sit up. She just opens the box from her laying position and smiles when she sees the most beautiful pair of earrings she has ever seen. Her eyes well up with tears. "What's the occasion? Did I forget my birthday?"

"The occasion is you're you and I love you. And I'm going to be around more for you. I know I haven't been...and I'm so sorry, Alex. You deserve better than what I have been giving you."

Alex squeezes Olivia's hand. She wants to kiss her but doesn't want to spread this awful bug. So she is content to communicate with her eyes and words how much this means to her. "I love them, Liv. Thank you."

And Olivia knows. She kisses Alex's head. "I was going to take you out on a date but I guess that's kind of moot now."

"I'm sorry. I'm definitely not up for it. Casey left her anti-nausea meds she got from the doctor here and I took a couple. They knocked me right out."

They spend the evening just taking it easy. It's not how Olivia wanted to make it to up Alex, but it would have to do for now. At least she was there, and got to provide comfort to her girlfriend.

The rest would have to wait until she's better.

.3

Alex is feeling better by the weekend. She's not one hundred percent back to normal but does not want to miss the annual Distrct Attorney's dinner. Liz Donnelly will be there, Lena Petrovsky, Rafael Barba, and a slew of others. Basically anyone who is anyone is going to be in attendance. Alex has never missed it, and she has no intentions of doing so now.

Olivia is to meet her at the restaurant straight from work. Alex has decided to surprise her with the dress she bought for their date earlier in the week that Olivia never got to see. It's beautiful, after all, and perfect for the occasion. Plus Olivia will love it.

Alex, however, has run into a problem.

She has no hot water in the shower. Usually Olivia would investigate issues such as this and take care of it, but with her being at work and Alex really needing to shower, she sent Casey a desperate text message to come and help her.

Alex comes out of the bathroom with wet hair and a towel wrapped around herself when she hears Casey's voice. Casey takes a look at her and Alex is sure she notices a slight blush cross her cheeks.

"There's no hot water. I need to shower. Can you fix it?" Alex wastes no time getting right to it.

"Did you try your other bathroom?" Casey asks, and Alex nods. "Alex, I know I am awesome, but I don't know how to fix a hot water heater."

Alex frowns. "You would know more than me. Can you look at it? Please?" Her eyes are pleading, knowing perfectly well that Casey will do whatever she asks her to.

And of course she does. Casey smiles her warm Casey smile and tells Alex she will try. Alex watches her head towards the basement door and feels that familiar tug on her heart that she feels whenever Casey is around.

She really doesn't know what she would do without her. Casey has come to her rescue many times, for the most ridiculous things. She's come and gotten her car unstuck from the driveway a handful time of times the past winter. She's shown Alex how to check her oil, killed countless murderous spiders that Alex was sure was out to get her. Alex always calls her her hero.

Casey reappears through the basement door just a few minutes later, and Alex is waiting right there for her. "Are you my hero again? Or do I have to call someone?"

Casey shakes her head. "The pilot light was out is all. Give it about a half hour and you should have hot water again."

Alex's first instinct is to hug Casey. She does, and Casey easily relaxes into the embrace. She loves it when Alex hugs her. There is so much care and passion behind it. The towel is barely clinging to Alex, and Casey feels Alex's flesh press against her clothes. It gives Casey goosebumps.

Casey stays for the next twenty minutes, Alex trying to convince her to come to the dinner tonight. Casey definitely has her mind set that she is not going and no matter what Alex says she won't change her mind. She tells Alex she has a date with Netflix and her bed.

Alex spends over an hour getting ready after her shower. She wants to look beautiful for Olivia. She curls her hair just so and admires herself in the mirror once she has her dress on. She doesn't like to be vain, but she thinks she looks very nice. Olivia will love it. Maybe she can even undress her later.

Alex takes a cab to the restaurant. Olivia is driving so there's no reason for her to take her car, and she tries to avoid the headache of driving in Manhattan at all costs anyway. It's maddening.

Alex is one of the first to arrive. She always likes to be early so she can mingle. She spends some time talking to Rafael Barba, mostly sharing stories about working with the SVU squad.

Seats are always assigned at these functions, and she finds her name at a table with Lena Petrovsky and her husband, Liz Donnelly and a new prosecutor named Scott that she doesn't know well.

She's the first at the table so she sits and pulls out of her iPhone. She composes a quick text message to Olivia. I'm here. I found our table. I'll see you soon.

Within a half hour everyone starts to pour in. Alex's entire table has arrived and she's introduced to Scott. She already gets a bad vibe from him. He appears very arrogant and full of himself. Much like she used to be years ago.

Olivia's absence does not go unnoticed. Liz is the first to comment, and Alex assures her she will be along shortly.

Drinks are brought to the table and they order appetizers. Some time goes by and Alex tries to engage herself in conversation but she can't stop checking her phone. Olivia was supposed to be here by now. She becomes even more nervous as time goes by. What if something happened to her?

Her worry disappears and turns to sadness when she feels her phone vibrate and reads the message. _Babe - I can't make it tonight. Something came up at work. I am sorry, and I love you. - Liv_

Alex feels like she is going to cry. She is angry, sad and disappointed all at one time. How can Olivia keep doing this to her?

She manages to keep her composure and doesn't let on that anything is wrong. Alex Cabot never goes without a date, so the empty seat next to her sticks out like a sore thumb. She quickly texts Casey and tells her what happened. She doesn't know why, really. She just knows that Casey will text back the right words and make her feel better.

Unfortunately Casey doesn't text her back. Sighing, Alex slips her phone back into her purse and pours herself another glass of wine. She is going to need the liquid courage to get through this evening alone.

They have already placed their dinner orders when Petrovsky looks over Alex's shoulder in surprise and says, "Casey Novak."

Alex spins around in her chair and can't believe what she sees. Casey has walked up to the table, smiling warmly. She's wearing a blue dress and heels, and Alex can't help but notice how beautiful she is. She feels that tug at her heart again.

Casey got her message after all. She hates these functions, but came for Alex. So she didn't have to be alone. Casey apologizes for being late and sits down in the empty seat next to Alex, acting as if it was the plan for her to come all along.

"Alex, you're holding out. I expected to see Olivia. Didn't know that Casey here was your plus one tonight," Liz says.

She knows something is up, but doesn't press the issue. Alex comes to the realization that everyone at the table thinks they are on a date. And neither correct them.

It was so sweet of Casey to put herself in an uncomfortable position for Alex, because she didn't want her to be here without a date. Alex smiles back and mouth the words "Thank you." She appreciates it more than she can say. Casey just nods at her.

Alex lets herself relax and stop feeling sorry for herself and allows herself to have fun. The food is delicious and the conversation is light.

Alex can tell Casey feels out of place. She reaches into her lap and takes her hand. She leans close to her and whispes, "You look really pretty."

Casey looks at her with her green eyes shining and squeezes her hand. Alex really never realized just how beautiful she is. She has the cutest smile and laugh, and it's contagious.

It's funny; she's seen Casey smile and heard her laugh more times than she can count. And she never would have described it as "cute." But right now she can think of no other way to describe it.

Casey is left out of most of the conversation, and she begins to twist her napkin in her lap nervously. She's aware that Lena doesn't like her, and is uncomfortable around Liz. Alex does her best to make her comfortable.

And Scott...neither if them know him. But it's pretty clear he's had one too many. His eyes begin to glaze over and he starts to become loud.

"Casey Novak," Scott says. She looks at him. "Aren't you the one who was disbarred?"

Alex can feel her face burning in anger. She hates, hates when people harass Casey about what happened to her. She paid the price and got past it; why can't anyone else?

Alex glares at him and opens her mouth to speak when Casey beats her to it. "Actually, I wasn't disbarred. I was censured. I lost my law license for three years." She looks away in shame. "But that's behind me now."

"How can anyone take you seriously though?" he asks. "And censured, disbarred...what's the difference?"

Casey starts to reply but Alex interupts. "There's actually a big difference. Maybe you need to go back to law school and learn it."

The table falls silent. Casey puts her hand on Alex's arm. "Alex, it's okay. Really."

"No, it's not. It's not." She's really angry now and Scott is about to know it. "Casey is a great prosecuter. She's great at her job, and deserves to be where she is. I would appreciate it if you gave her the respect she deserves."

Nothing else is said about it. Petrovsky changes the subject quickly, and Alex and Casey spend the rest of dinner holding hands. Neither know why, really. It just feels right. They can't even remember who initiated the contact, only that their hands linked together make them both feel secure.

After the dinner, Casey walks Alex to the parking lot. She drove, so offers to give Alex a ride home. They stand by her car and look at each other.

"Thank you so much for coming to my rescue." Alex turns to face Casey. A peice of her hair has fallen out of place and without thinking Alex brushes it back behind her ear. Casey closes her eyes.

It's an innocent gesture but somehow feels so intimate. Tgey stare into each other's eyes and Alex realizes she would love nothing more than to kiss her right now. And judging by the look in Casey's eyes, she would love that too.

But she doesn't t do it; she can't do it. She's still with Olivia and is not going to betray her. Yes she's hurt her, but kissing another woman is not the way to solve it.

Casey gives Alex one of her crooked smiles, the kind that makes her eyes light up. It makes that urge to kiss her all the more harder to resist.

"You know I would do anything for you," she tells her.

Alex knowe it's true; she would. Casey is fiercely loyal and protective. She's been her best friend for six years and Alex doesn't think there's one thing she wouldn't do for her.

She's endured her two AM calls when she's been hit with insomnia and needs to talk over what's bothering her. She's picked her up at the bar when she's had one too many after a tough case - then held her hair back as she paid for it later. She calls her out when she's being too headstrong or a bitch. She's listened to her vent about Olivia, their jobs, life in general.

She's always the person that Alex turns to when she needs to forget everything. She always comes up with fun things fo do; things that wouldn't be fun if Alex wasn't with her.

Alex just likes being with her. She feels safe, like she can be herself.

But right now she feele something different about her. She feels what she felt about Olivia before they started dating. That look in her eyes that makes her stomach flutter. Her touch that makes her melt.

"Thank you for coming. I know you hate these things. But you really made me feel better. I can't thank you enough. You're wonderful," Alex tells her.

She grins. "I know that. And I couldn't let you sit there awkwardly with no date. I'm sorry Olivia did that to you."

Alex us scared to death of her feelings. She's in a relationship where she used to feel secure for years.

And now she's falling in love with her best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex goes home with Casey after the dinner. She doesn't want to go sit at home alone.

Casey gives her a baggy t-shirt to wear to sleep. She doesn't have a guest room in her apartment but there's no way she is going to let Alex sleep on the couch. She walks her to her bedroom, as if Alex doesn't know the way.

Alex smiles when she sees a bowl of popcorn on the bed next to Casey's remote. She really had been having a date with Netflix and her bed when Alex texted her.

Alex climbs into bed and Casey tucks her in like she's a child. Normally Alex would object to being coddled, but with Casey she gives in and accepts it.

Alex is tired; she doesn't know how tired until Casey turns the light out and leaves the room. Alex is asleep before her head even hits the pillow.

Alex's relaxation is short lived, however. She's awakened not more than a couple hours later from a terrible nightmare. She sits upright in bed, drenched in sweat and trembling. She looks around desperately, not knowing where she is at first.

She only relaxes when the door opens and Casey is beside her.

She must have screamed. Or maybe she called out for Casey. She isn't sure. All she knows is that she's crying and Casey is sitting next to her with her arm around her shaking shoulders, trying to comfort her.

"Shhhh, Alex it's okay," she says soothingly. "It's Casey. I won't let anything happen to you."

It takes Alex several minutes to calm down. Once she is sufficiently calm, she moves into embarrassment for her behavior.

This is hardly the first time Casey has seen her break down. She's one of the only people Alex will let herself be human around. Casey has calmed her through nightmares before, has comforted her after tough cases, has provided a shoulder to cry on when Alex and Olivia had a fight.

Once Alex's breathing has returned to normal, she apologizes to Casey. Casey squeezes her shoulder. "Don't apologize, Alex. Want to talk about it?"

Alex shakes her head. "It's stupid."

"No, it isn't. Anything that upsets you is not stupid, Alex. Tell me about it."

They aren't just words said meant to give Alex comfort. Casey means them. She really wants to know what demons Alex fights at night, so she can help her fight them.

Alex sighs and easily gives in. "It's been eleven years...I've had therapy. I can't understand why I'm still so scared. But I always dream about being shot. And it's always more a memory than anything else. I wake up in the hospital. I'm alone and scared and they tell me I can't go home, that I can't be Alex anymore. I start crying and no one will help me...no one."

Casey's heart breaks for Alex and she pulls her close to her, hugging her tightly. She wishes it meant to Alex what it does to her but she knows that it comforts Alex nonetheless.

"I can't imagine what that must have been like," Casey says softly, her voice breaking and almost betraying her. "And you're still so scared because you're human; even though you think you aren't, you are. You're a mere mortal like me. You had something tramautic happen to you. Do you know what I used to do after I was censured? The day after the hearing, when I found out I was losing my license for three years, do you know what I did?"

Alex shakes her head. She knows how hard that time was for Casey. She wasn't around when it happened, but Casey has talked about it a lot and Alex knows it's the worst thing that has ever happened to Casey.

"I drove to this little beach off Coney Island. I felt really sorry for myself and went there to cry, more than anything else. It was relatively deserted and I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried for what must have been three hours. I was so angry and disappointed in myself. Then I got out of my car and walked down to the water. I walked along the shore and let the cold lap over my feet. I watched other people laying on blankets in the sand, and laughing and having a good time in the water. I remember envying them; their lives weren't over like mine was. I walked for awhile and it was like the water was washing away all my sadness. Then I came upon a group of seagulls. There was a little crab on the beach and they were trying to eat him. I chased them away and went to pick up the crab, but he was already crawling towards the water. His shell was broken but he wasn't. I watched him walk purposefully into the water. And it filled me with hope. If a little crab could pull himself together and move on, I could too. All it took was someone to chase away the seagulls."

Alex closes her eyes and when she opens them again she lets a tear fall. She knows why Casey told her that story. She's the crab and the nightmares are the seagulls.

Casey adjusts her position so she's sitting with her arm around Alex's shoulder. "I'll always chase the seagulls away, Alex. Always." She squeezes her. "You deserve the moon and stars. You deserve the universe. Everything I can't give you. But I can chase away seagulls for you. Anytime you need."

Alex loves Casey more than she has every loved another person at this moment. She rests her head against Casey's and wishes things were different.

"I'm so tired," Alex says softly. "But I can't go back to sleep."

"Yes you can. I'll stay here. And if the seagulls come back, they will regret it."

Casey crawls into bed next to Alex. She has no ill thoughts in her mind. As much as she would love to have a passionate night with Alex, it's the furthest thing from her mind. All she is thinking about is Alex's comfort.

Once Alex lies back down, her instincts take over. She immeaditely reaches for Casey and lies with her head on her chest. Casey wraps her arms around her protectively.

"I love you, Casey."

The words escape Alex's lips without her permission. They are hanging there in the air but yet Alex doesn't regret saying them.

"I love you too, Alex."

Alex can't remember the last time she felt this safe and loved. She sighs in contentment. Olivia used to hold her like this every night. She used to talk soothingly to her and Alex would fall asleep knowing she was loved. She never used to have trouble sleeping before.

And tonight she doesn't either. Within minutes she is asleep safe in Casey's arms, and the seagulls don't return.

.2

Casey stops the car outside of Alex's house. They both look out and see Olivia's car in the driveway. Alex has several missed calls from her. Today is her day off, and Alex has already decided she isn't going to let her off easily for missing the dinner the night before.

"You don't have to go," Casey suddenly says. Alex turns and looks at her. They both know Casey isn't speaking of just walking into the house; it's deeper than that.

"Casey, Olivia is my girlfriend. I have to go with her."

The words sound wrong even to Alex. Every word she says is a dagger in Casey's heart and she knows it.

Casey has tears in her eyes. "She doesn't deserve you."

Alex is completely torn apart. She loves Olivia and Olivia has vowed to work on their relationship. Alex wants it to work; she wants things to be how they used to be with them. They used to be so blissfully happy. Alex knows they can be again.

But she loves Casey too. She can't deny her developing feelings for her, and she knows Casey has feelings for her too. It makes this so much harder.

Alex closes her eyes and touches Casey's cheek. "I love you, Casey. I always will. But I have to try and repair things with Olivia. I have to."

Casey doesn't even try and hide it; she starts to cry and it breaks Alex's heart even more. She shakes her head. "It's the wrong choice, Alex. I would treat you like a princess. I would tell you I love you every single day, because that's what you deserve."

A tear slides down her cheek. Alex knows she means every word, and it's killing her. She wishes she didn't have a heart right now. Then this wouldn't be so hard.

"I'm sorry," she says again, wiping away her tears. "But I love Olivia too and I have to give her another chance."

She quickly turns away so Casey can't see the new waves of tears in her eyes, and so she doesn't lose her resolve and throw herself into Casey's arms.

Alex opens the passenger side door.

"You know I will be there to pick you up when Olivia breaks your heart again."

Alex stops, Casey's words breaking her. "I will always be there, Alex."

Her words only make this worse.

Infinitely worse.

Alex gets out of the car after a moment's hesitation. She waves goodbye to Casey, and Casey gives her a sad smile before she pulls away.

Alex feels completely gutted. The walk into her house is the longest walk of her life.

Alex tells herself that she isn't going to forgive Olivia for missing the dinner easily. She has let her off too easily lately and Alex knows she has to let her know that this is not okay.

It's almost noon when she makes herself go in the house. She is completely rested, for the first time in a long time. When she awakened, Casey was already up making breakfast. Alex had sat at her table watching cook and thinking that she could used to waking up this way every morning.

Casey. She smiles as she thinks about her the night before. She had looked so beautiful. She didn't have much time to get ready but somehow still managed to make Alex's heart flutter with her beauty. Alex recalls how her heart had swelled and she had almost cried when she saw that Casey had come, just for her.

Casey is an amazing person. Alex can't stop thinking about her. The sincerity and love in Casey's eyes when she dropped Alex off in front of her house and told her she would be there for her.

Alex walks to the kitchen, the aroma of bacon filling her nostrils and making her salivate. Bacon is also one of Alex Cabot's weaknesses.

Olivia is standing over the stove, wearing boxer shorts and her bathrobe. She has her back to Alex, not yet aware of her presence.

Normally Alex would smile and walk up to her. She would put her arms on her waist and sneak a surprise kiss to the back of her neck and Olivia would turn around and give her the best good morning kiss ever.

That's what used to happen, anyway.

Right now Alex isn't the mood for touching or kissing. She's deeply disappointed in Olivia and it's going to take more than bacon to fix it.

Alex clears her throat and moves around Olivia to get herself a cup of coffee. She doesn't acknowledge Olivia at all as she pours coffee into her mug.

"Good morning sweetheart," Olivia beams. Her smile fades when she notices that Alex isn't smiling and is glaring angrily at her.

Alex slams the lid of the coffee pot closed and turns away from Olivia. Olivia is about to get the ice queen, and she knows it.

Olivia sighs. "Alex, I know you are upset with me. You have every right to be."

Alex sits down at the table and sips her coffee. "Damn right I do."

"I shouldn't have missed the dinner last night," Olivia states the obvious.

Alex nods. "You're right. You shouldn't have."

Olivia presents a plate of bacon on the table and sits down across the table from me. "Baby, I was planning on coming. But I had this witness that I couldn't leave. She was only opening up to me. She was in rough shape, Alex, and if you had been there you would have done the same thing."

Alex appreciates Olivia's commitment to those who can't speak or fight for themselves. She has never seen anyone so full of compassion for others and anyone able to reach nearly anyone the way Olivia can. It's one of the things that Alex loves about her.

But there's a line between personal and professional life that Olivia no longer pays attention to. Everything revolves around her job and she will always put it first. Alex has come to accept this.

Alex looks at Olivia and then looks away quickly when she sees the guilt that is apparent in her eyes. "I already had breakfast. Casey cooked for me. And as for the dinner, Casey showed up. We had a great time."

She neglects to tell her how beautiful Casey was, and leaves out the fact that everyone thought they were on a date.

"I know. She texted me to tell me you were staying over so I wouldn't worry."

"Why would you worry, anyway? It's not like I'm your first priority any more."

Alex doesn't want to start an argument. She also doesn't want to make Olivia feel bad, but how else can she get through to her?

Olivia feels stung by Alex's tossed out words. "You know you still are my top priority, Alex."

Alex shrugs. "You could have fooled me. This dinner was really, really important to me. I wanted you there. If it had been something important to you, I wouldn't have missed it, Liv." She's getting emotional, despite all her efforts not to. "It really hurts me that you are constantly putting your job before me. I used to matter. You used to love me."

Olivia let's a tear slide down her cheek. "I do still love you. So, so much. I know I haven't been showing it. But don't give up on me. We have been through so much...I promised my heart to you long ago, Alex. I don't do that easily." She reaches across the table and takes Alex's hand. "I promise I will never put work before you again. I promise I will make this right. I love you."

Alex knows she means it, and she loves her too. But she can't help but feel those feelings for Casey creeping back in and threatening to overtake her heart.

Alex let's Olivia squeeze her hand and she looks into her eyes, seeing sincerity. She makes herself smile and nod.

Olivia reaches down by her feet and presents Alex with another wrapped box. Another gift, to ease her guilt, like the earrings had been.

"I've had this for awhile. I wanted to be all romantic and this wasn't where I wanted to do it, but...I don't think it can wait any longer. I think I've waited long enough as it is."

Olivia takes the box and pops it open. Alex's eyes go wide as she realizes she is looking at an engagement ring. Her eyes go to Olivia immeaditely. "Liv?"

Olivia smiles. "I love you, Alex Cabot, and went to dedicate the rest of my life to you. Will you marry me?"

 **What will Alex do? Whatever she chooses, you know it's far from over!**


	4. Chapter 4

Words don't betray Alex very often. She considers herself to be a superb orator. She could count on one hand the number of times she hasn't be able to form coherent words.

This is one of those times.

Alex blinks her eyes rapidly, not sure if the scene playing out in front of her is reality or a dream. It can't be real; it just can't be. She has to still be at Casey's apartment, asleep.

But Olivia saying her name pulls her from her shock and lets her know just how real this is.

Alex has dreamt about marrying Olivia hundreds of times. In her fantasy it's always on a beach surrounded by their loved ones. They are both radiant and blissfully happy. They are holding hands and then share a kiss that joins them as one forever.

How many times Alex has wished for this moment to come so she could fullfill that fantasy.

And now that it's here, she doesn't know what to do.

Olivia is expecting an answer. Her eyes are hopeful and happy and she locks them on Alex, trying to gauge her response.

Alex is flooded with so many emotions right now. She's overwhelmed, and on the verge of tears again. But this time happy tears. Maybe taking the next step is what they need in their relationship. Alex owes it to Olivia to trust she means what she says.

"Yes. Yes I will marry you," Alex chokes out.

No more words are spoken. Olivia slides the beautiful ring onto Alex's finger and the two lock into a deep, passionate kiss.

.2

Alex is nervous when she gets to Casey's apartment. She just left here hours ago feeling very different than she does right now. She doesn't know if she can do this. A phone call would have been easier. But Alex loves Casey and owes her a face to face conversation.

Casey is smiling when she opens the door. "Geez, Alex, miss me already?" She doesn't even give Alex a chance to respond. She leaves the door open and casually walks into her living room, knowing that Alex will follow.

Normally Alex would say something sarcastic back. But this time she just closes the door and stands in front of Casey with her arms crossed.

She is not smiling. Casey is her best friend; she wants to be able to excitedly tell her about her engagement and have Casey be blissfully happy for her. She wants to go dress shopping with her and stalk wedding posts on Pinterest; everything you are supposed to do with your best friend when you get engaged.

But Alex knows that won't happen.

Casey's smile fades. She quickly gets the impression this is a serious visit. "God, Alex, you are scaring me. What is going on?"

Alex sighs. Casey is sitting on her couch so Alex sits down right on the cofeetable across from her. She nervously wrings her hands together. "Casey, there is something I have to tell you."

But she doesn't have to say anything. Casey already knows. She sees the ring glimmering on Alex's finger and quickly picks up her hand to get a better look. Her eyes go wide and fill with hurt and shock as she looks back at Alex. "Alex...no...please God, no..."

Casey stands, tears threatening to overwhelm her. She can't believe this could be true. "No...Alex, you are smarter than this. Please tell me this isn't true."

Alex stands as well. She knows this is hurting Casey. Hell, it's hurting her too.

"Casey...things are going to get better for me and Olivia. She meant what she said. I have to believe that. I have been with her for so long. I don't think I can live without her."

Casey turns away from Alex. Her heart is breaking right now. Alex has ripped it out, she's squeezing it and about to stomp on it.

Alex is crying now, feeling guilty for the pain she is inflicting on Casey. She takes a step toward her and touches her shoulder gently. "Casey. I want you to be happy for me. Please."

Casey turns around slowly, and the sad and desolate look in her eyes almost breaks Alex completely. She has never seen another person look so completely destroyed.

Finally she says, "I'm not happy for you, Alex. I'm devastated for you." She reaches out and takes Alex's hand, squeezing it hard. "I never wanted to say this to you. But Olivia does not love you, Alex. Not like she should."

Alex knows that Casey is upset. But that doesn't give her a right to talk about Olivia that way.

She pulls her hand out of Casey's grasp, her own heart breaking. "We love each other, Casey. I changed for her and she can change for me."

Casey's sad eyes fill with more tears. "I know you, Alex Cabot, better than anyone else in this world does." Casey has no idea how she's remaining calm and not letting her voice quiver. "And you can lie to yourself...but you can't lie to me."

It feels like someone just stuck a hot poker in Alex's heart. She closes her eyes and looks away. But Casey gently grabs her under the chin and forces her to look at her.

"You shouldn't have had to change for Olivia. I love you, Alex. I've loved you for six years. You've been my best friend, my rock, my partner...my everything. We don't get to choose who we love and who loves us back. You were happy with Olivia and I was content with being your best friend because I knew I could still love you." She wipes her eyes before continuing. "But I can't stand seeing you so sad anymore. Olivia doesn't treat you like you deserve. It breaks my heart when she hurts you. I can't watch it anymore."

She picks up Alex's hand and this time Alex lets her. "For six years I have picked you up off the floor when Olivia broke your heart. I've comforted you when you cried because Olivia broke another date. It's too much for me to take any more. I can't stand seeing it. And now you want to marry her." She starts to cry again, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can't take that. I just can't. I love you too fucking much than to watch you ruin your life."

"Ruin my life?" Alex echoes, around her own tears. "You think my engagement is ruining my life?"

Casey nods. "I know it is. You want to be District Attorney. You want to travel. I want you to do these things. Olivia wants to have kids. Who do you think she would expect to stay home and take care of those kids? You don't want kids, Alex. You don't want any of that. You have so much potential. I want you to be everything you can be and not give up your life for something that someone else wants."

Alex wants to turn and leave. Not because she's mad at Casey; but because this is so much harder than she expected.

Olivia does want children. And Alex doesn't. Olivia speaks of this often and Alex always listens and tells her she would be an incredible mother. Because she definitely would. But is it something she wants for herself? No, it isn't.

Casey knows this about her. Why doesn't Olivia?

Alex is breaking inside. Literally breaking. It's costing her so much not to give in and just fall into Casey's arms and be with her for the rest of her life.

"You think that makes this easier, Casey? It doesn't. It makes it harder." Alex lets more tears fall. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Casey takes a step closer and stares into her eyes, and Alex swears she can see her soul. And it's beautiful and pure.

"Why? This is why." She leans forward and kisses Alex.

Alex knows she should pull away; she should recoil and object. This isn't fair to Olivia; she can't do this to her. Every part of her is screaming at herself to stop this.

But she doesn't. She can't. Instead, she kisses her back. Casey puts her hands on each of Alex's cheeks and deepens the kiss, and Alex lets herself go and enjoy every second. Her kiss is so passionate and full of love. Alex gently holds the back of Casey's head as she kisses her.

Neither knows which of them ends the kiss first but suddenly they are broken apart and gazing into each other's eyes again. Casey is stroking her cheek and Alex leans into her touch. It makes her feel safe and loved.

"I love you, Alex," she repeats.

Alex almost tells her she loves her back; because she does. The words almost tumble out of her mouth naturally.

It's not like she's never said them to her before. She's told Casey she loved her dozens of times. But it was always a sisterly, best friend love.

This is something else entirely.

Alex feels a flood of emotions surge through her, and the strongest is guilt. It's so strong that it makes her step out of Casey's touch. As soon as Casey isn't touching her anymore she thinks of Olivia. Her fiancee. How can she do this to her?

"I - I can't do this right now, Casey." She turns to run away, to retreat the way she always do when she can't face something.

But Casey grabs her and stops her. She grabs both of her shoulders and faces her. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel it too. Tell me you don't love me."

Alex stares hard into her soft kind green eyes and she knows she can't do it. She can't lie to her, can't break her heart. Not anymore than she already is.

Sometimes silence is words. And sometimes it speaks for you when you can't.

"You can't do it," Casey says. "You can't say it because it isn't true. Because you know that I can tell when you're lying."

She closes her eyes. "Casey - "

"You kissed me back. You didn't pull away. You felt it too. God damnit, Alex, admit it."

She loves her just as much as she loves Olivia. She knows that now. She would give her life for her, do anything for her. She knows it deep within her. She knows she could spend her entire life gazing into her green eyes and being touched by her.

But that doesn't matter; because she already promised forever to the other love of her life.

"It doesn't matter how I feel," Alex breathes out. "I'm marrying Olivia, Casey. I love Olivia."

Alex turns to leave again and Casey desperately holds onto her. "Alex, it does matter! How you feel is all that matters!"

She is desperate now. Not because she wants Alex for herself; but because she loves her deeply and does not want to watch her go down this road she can't come back from.

"You're so much smarter than this, Alex! You have a choice here. You can tell Olivia you changed your mind. You don't have to do this just because she asked you."

Alex locks eyes on Casey again. "I'm marrying her because I love her."

Casey shakes her head. She doesn't buy it for a minute. "No you don't, Alex. You don't. Did you forget that beautiful dinner you made for her? All the beautiful things you did for her, only to have her break your heart? Or the DA's office dinner she promised you she would come to? She always breaks your heart. Do you think this will magically stop when you get married? It won't, Alex. It will only get worse. Except then she will have you trapped and you won't be able to get away. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do it to me."

Alex is on the verge of a panic attack, something she hasn't had in a long time. She feels like she might throw up. Every word Casey says stabs her right in the heart and she can't listen anymore. She goes to step around Casey again but Casey blocks her way.

"Who has been there through all of that? Who picked you up and made you feel whole again? Who has loved you unconditionally for six years and watched you in a dying relationship?" She points at herself. "Me! I have loved you, Alex. I still do. And I know you have loved me too. Do you think it's a coincidence that you have hated every woman I always dated? Do you know why, Alex? Do you really know why?"

Alex does know. She knows exactly why. Because the only person she ever thought was good enough for Casey was herself. It killed her to see her with other women.

Alex can't take this anymore. Her heart is being ripped out. She loves Olivia, but she loves Casey too and knows she can't have them both. Not in the way she needs to.

She closes her eyes and when she opens them again she still sees those sad green orbs pleading with her. "I'm sorry, Casey. I made my decision," she says weakly.

And just like that the fire goes out in Casey. She lets go of Alex and takes a step back, covering her face with her hands and crying uncontrollably.

Alex can't stand to watch. Her heart lurches and she turns once more to leave.

"Please, Alex...please don't do this. Please," Casey desperately tries one last time. "If you do this, I can't be around anymore. I can't be your friend. I can't. I've put you first first for six years. Ahead of everything. And now I have to put me first. My heart can't take this."

Alex doesn't want to lose Casey in any capacity. Her life would be so empty and lonely without Casey. She can't believe that Casey would give her this ultimatum, would make her choose like this. All she can do is stand mere feet from the door and look at Casey, tears running down her cheeks.

Casey wants her to stop, to walk over to her and choose her. And part of Alex wants that too. But she can't make herself do it. Instead, she swallows harshly and says, "I have to go home, Casey."

Casey closes her eyes and lets out the breath she was holding for so long. She is completely crushed and knows she will never be whole again. "Goodbye, Alex," she forces herself to say.

And just like that, Alex is gone.

Casey can't cope. She runs to her bathroom and gets violently sick, collapsing and leaning on the toilet for support when she's finished. She curls up on the bathroom floor and cries and cries until she's just crying silently and her insides hurt from retching and crying.

Somehow, she makes it to her bed.

Casey has never felt more pain in her life. She is absolutely crushed, and is sure nothing can ever fix her again.

This is worse than any physical pain anyone could ever feel. Every breath breaks her heart more, and she holds her body pillow close to her, burying her face in it as if it's a lifeline.

Casey has been through hard times before. This is hardly the first time her heart had been broken. It broke first for Charlie all those years ago when she had to let him go, and then again when she found out he had died. It broke when she lost her job and part of who she was for three years. At the time she thought it was the worst thing she would ever go through.

She was wrong. This is worse. Much, much worse.

She can't stop crying. Every second is agony, and the only person who could ever make this better is the one causing her heart to break.

She cries not only for herself, but for Alex too. Alex is ruining her life. She's sentencing herself to a lifetime of unhappiness and neglect and Casey can't stand to see it. Olivia is going to force her into a life that she doesn't want. And Casey can't sit back and watch it happen.

Casey watches her alarm clock hit every hour. She can't believe she has any tears left, but she cries into her pillow until she is gasping for breath and literally makes herself sick. She is exhausted from crying but sleep never finds her. She is trapped in a nightmare and nothing will pull her out of it.

She reaches for her phone on the bedside stand and with shaking hands she scrolls through her photo gallery. A majority of her pictures are she and Alex together; Alex joked once that Casey takes so many selfies of them together one would think they were a couple. As sad as Casey is, seeing Alex's smiling face in the pictures makes her smile too. They look so happy together. She keeps scrolling and finds selfies of Alex she hasn't seen before. Sometimes Alex will take her phone and leave her selfies and they always make Casey laugh.

But the more she looks at them, she starts to become sad to the point where she can't anymore. She throws her phone across the room and sinks beneath the blankets on her bed.

All she can think about is Alex. God she loves her. More than she thought was ever possible.

And she knows there is no way she can ever recover from this.

 **Did your heart break for Casey? don't worry, it's not over yet**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! Herr is the update. I know it seems to be moving fast but I have a lot planned. enjoy!**

It should be the happiest time of Alex's life. She is engaged to the woman she has loved for years. Olivia has been spending more time with her the past couple of days. She's been talking wedding details and Alex knows she should share her excitement.

But she doesn't. Instead, she is perpetually sad. She misses Casey. It's an ache deep down inside her that won't go away.

Every day for the past six years Alex has seen or spoken to Casey daily. They were always an important part of each other's lives. At work they would unload on each other and vent about their days. It was nice having a best friend in the office.

Alex knows things will never be the same between them and it deeply saddens her.

Casey took some personal days off work and it's been five days since Alex has seen or talked to her. She calls and texts daily but Casey doesn't answer. She even gave in and went to her apartment yesterday but her neighbor said she hasn't been home in days.

Alex has a feeling she knows where she went. She just hopes she is okay.

Alex hasn't felt well the past couple of days. She's been nauseous and has just felt off. She doesn't know whether or not she's coming down with something or if it's her nerves from everything that has been going on. She assumes it's the latter and hasn't given it much thought. Besides, she has much more important things to worry about.

After work on Tuesday, Olivia and Alex decide to visit the mall. Alex isn't really up for it; she's had a dull ache in her right side all day. Ibuprofen has helped but it's still there, nagging at her.

She doesn't tell Olivia. Instead she plasters on a smile and lets Olivia drive them to the mall. All the way there Olivia is talking excidetly. Alex is unusually quiet and Olivia doesn't go without noticing.

After Olivia parks the car, she turns and looks at Alex. "What's wrong, baby? You haven't been yourself lately. I know things are different now. Is something else bothering you?"

Alex sighs. She doesn't know what to say, how exactly to put into words how she feels. She knows she should be happier than this. Maybe she would be if she had someone to share her excitement with.

But every day that goes by that she doesn't see or talk to Casey kills her. She had no idea she could miss a person so much. And there's no reason she should be lonely; Olivia has been coming home early to be with her.

Alex is beginning to realize her feelings for Casey aren't going away. As much as she tries to turn them off, she can't. They resurface again and she thinks of her smile or laugh and wants to break down again.

And she has realized she is more lonely with Olivia than when she is without her.

The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach threatening to strangle her is guilt. Guilt for not being honest with Olivia and herself. And guilt for hurting Casey.

What has she done?

Olivia is looking in her eyes, awaiting a response to her question. Alex forgot what it even was and asks Olivia to repeat it. Olivia asks her again if something is bothering her.

Alex knows she should tell her. She needs to to start being honest. She needs to look her in the eyes and just tell her.

But she can't do it in the parking lot of the mall. They need to be sitting down at home having this conversation.

So Alex just smiles and says that everything is fine. She doesn't let Olivia probe any further; instead she gets out of the car and starts walking towards the entrance.

Olivia knows something is definitely wrong but does not press any further. Alex doesn't even wait for her; she's inside the door unzipping her jacket before Olivia even reaches the entrance doors.

Olivia can feel distance between them. She also notices how Alex avoids looking at her when she steps up beside her. It makes her heart hurt but she's determined to have a good time. So she makes small talk. Alex just nods or smiles, and it's clear she is disinterested in what Olivia is saying.

It was never a struggle to talk to Alex. She and Olivia were always in sync; they could finish each other's sentences. Olivia always knew what Alex was feeling and always knew what to say to change her mood around.

But now it's like they are strangers. An awkward silence befalls them as they are walking. Alex is walking purposefully, her hands in her jeans pockets, lost in her own thoughts.

She stops when she comes to a kiosk in the middle of the mall that catches her eye. It's filled with Marvel movie memorabilia; prints, shirts, posters, coffee mugs, you name it they had it. Alex smiles. It makes her think of Casey. She is the biggest Marvel movie geek Alex has ever met. She drags Alex to every Marvel movie and always buys her a t-shirt to wear. Alex has a whole spot in her closet full of t-shirts from every Marvel movie Casey has taken her to. She would never admit it, but she always enjoys the movies.

A necklace with a Captain America charm is hanging in front, just begging Alex to look at it. She fingers the charm, smiling widely.

Casey's birthday is next week. Alex already has a memory foam mattress being delivered to her. She knows she does not have to get her anything else.

But the necklace is screaming Casey's name. She knows Casey will love it, and it's inexpensive. So knows she is going to buy it.

"Casey will like this. Captain America is her favorite," Alex tells Olivia. She asks the girl behind the counter to wrap it up for her and digs around in her purse for some cash.

"Seventy dollars?" Olivia observes. "Alex, honey, you spent almost two thousand dollars on a mattress for her. I know Casey is important to you, but we need to start saving money for the wedding."

Alex takes her purchase, rather irritated with Olivia for talking to her about money. Alex doesn't like to throw her money around, but Olivia knows that Alex has enough money to pay for the whole wedding and then some. She isn't hurting for money and probably never would be. She doesn't appreciate the fact that her fiancee is getting on her about spending seventy dollars.

Nothing else is said about it but Olivia can tell that Alex is upset. She walked right by her favorite store in the mall without wanting to go in.

"I haven't seen Casey in a couple days. Is everything all right?" Olivia asks.

Alex shrugs. "I haven't seen her either. She's taken some time off work." She's getting choked up and takes longer strides, and Olivia has to hurry to keep up with her. "I don't really want to talk about Casey right now."

They walk around in silence a little bit longer until Olivia suggests they get some food at the food court. They go straight for the Chinese place and when they sit down with their food to eat, that silence is in the air again.

Olivia sighs. She is about to say something when Alex says suddenly, "You know I don't want kids, right?"

Olivia looks at her. "That came from out of nowhere. I know we have talked about this. I thought we both agreed to revisit it after we were married. We can talk about it."

Alex shakes her head. "No. There is no talking about it. I don't want kids, Olivia. I'm not going to change my mind. I know that you want them. I want you to have kids if that's what you want. You would be a good mother. But it's not going to be with me, Liv."

Olivia feels her heart lurch. She knows where this conversation is going. They have been engaged for less than a week and it already feels like it's over.

"What are you saying?" Olivia asks, already knowing the answer.

Alex stares hard into her brown eyes. She doesn't want to hurt Olivia. But she also can't do this anymore.

"I'm saying maybe we should put off being engaged. I don't want to break up, Liv. But we need to see if we still work. If we still want the same things for the future." Alex looks down at the beautiful ring and slides it off her finger. "This ring is beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I want you to hang onto it and give it to me when the time is right. When we're sure, and when we know." She reaches out and drops it into Olivia's palm.

Olivia is crushed. She closes her hand around the ring and holds onto it. When she raises her eyes to Alex again, they are teary. "Are you sure? Then why did you say yes at all if this is how you feel?"

"It just needed to sink in. You sprung it on me, Liv. Rather suddenly. I do want to marry you if we still work. Just not right now. I feel like we have drifted apart. I think we need more time to explore if we are still right for each other." She takes Olivia's hand. "I do love you, Olivia. I'm willing to work on us if you are. But," she swallows harshly. "I can't marry you right now. Please understand."

Olivia says she does understand but Alex can tell she is deeply hurt. She wishes she had said all those things to her when Olivia first proposed. She should have. It was not fair to lead Olivia on.

The rest of the dinner is eaten in silence and when they are done eating, Olivia asks if Alex is ready to go. Olivia had wanted to shop for awhile but the mood was brought down quickly after their talk.

Alex can't help but feel she has broken two hearts unnecessarily because she can't be honest with herself.

.2

The next morning when she wakes, Alex feels worse. Her side is on fire, and she has pain all the way to the front of her abdomen near her belly button. She had hoped after a good night's sleep she would feel better.

She wonders if the stomach bug that she and Casey battled had come back. It would explain the nausea, but definitely not the pain. If she doesn't feel better in a couple days she knows she needs to make an appointment with her doctor.

Olivia is already up; Alex can hear the shower in their bedroom bathroom. She sits up in bed, wincing at the pain it causes. Usually Olivia wakes her up by now even though Alex doesn't have to be in as early as Olivia.

Olivia comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her wet hair and gives Alex a smile. "Hey. How did you sleep?"

"I slept fine but I have this bad pain in my side. I might stay home from work and just work at my home office today." She winces again. "It's my right side. Hurts pretty bad."

Olivia is looking in the dresser, her back to Alex. She is in a hurry. "Yeah? Something you should see your doctor for?"

"Probably. I'll see how I feel in a couple days." Alex watches Olivia take undergarments out of the drawer. She clears her throat. "Would you...stay home with me today?"

Olivia turns around, her eyes full of surprise. Alex has never asked her that before. "I would love to honey, but I really can't today. I'll cuddle with you when I get home."

Alex was expecting that answer but it hurts her nonetheless. She lies back down and covers up and listens to Olivia to get ready.

Suddenly the mattress dips and a kissed is pressed to Alex's lips. "Take care baby. Call if you need anything. I love you."

Alex never calls in sick to work. She has to be on her deathbed to even consider it.

But this feels pretty close. She knows there is no way she can go into work and focus being in this much pain. She calls Mike Cutter to tell him she won't be in. He lets her know that Casey came back to work today and he would ask her to cover her docket for the day.

Alex smiles to herself, knowing without a doubt that Casey will cover her, and that her cases will be in good, capable hands.

Alex tries to lie on the couch so she can watch the bigger TV in the living room, but she can't get in a comfortable position. Her side burns and aches no matter how she tries to sit or lie down. The Ibuprofen is no longer helping.

She gets up and walks around, thinking maybe it's a muscle cramp that will work its way out. She goes into the guest room and sits down on the bed that Casey likes sleeping on so much. Casey has her favorite sweatshirt folded up on it; an old I Love New York gray sweatshirt that's been worn and washed so much that the sleeves are testing. She picks it up and puts it on. It smells like Casey's perfume and comforts her.

A couple hours later the pain is much more intense. Every time she takes a breath it's like a knife stabbing her in the side.

Alex knows she needs to go get looked at. She is scared to death of hospitals but knows she can't fool herself into thinking this is nothing anymore. There is definitely something wrong.

She calls Olivia and to her dismay gets her voicemail. She leaves her a pain filled message telling her she is hurting badly and needs to go to the hospital.

How she wished Olivia would have stayed home with her today when she had asked her.

Alex doesn't even wait for Olivia to call her back. She takes a deep breath and calls the only person who will make her feel better. The one person she can always count on no matter what.

Casey.

 **Do you think Casey will answer? Will she be there for Alex or did she mean it when she said she couldn't be around her anymore?**


	6. Chapter 6

Casey has been rushing around between her office and the courthouse all day. She has not only her own cases to attend to, but is covering Alex's court appearances as well. Mike had told her that Alex was sick. It is unusual for Alex and Casey can't shake the feeling deep down inside that something may be wrong.

Casey knows she is going to go see her after work. She took a few days for herself and went to Coney Island, which is her retreat when she needs to get away and do a great deal of thinking. She is still absolutely heartbroken but still loves Alex. And as much as she tries, she can't cut her out of her life. All she can do is be there and help her see her mistake before she gets in too deep. She is not married yet and Casey knows there is time left to save her.

She is already late for court when her phone rings. She knows she should let it go to voicemail. But something tells her to answer, so she quickly pulls the phone out without even looking to see who it is. "Casey Novak," she rushes out.

"Casey, it's me."

Casey's heart drops. It's Alex. A flood of emotions hits her. "Alex, I'm about to go into court. I'll come over after work so we can talk."

Alex takes a deep breath and when she talks again her voice is laced with pain. "I need you. Something is wrong with me. I'm in so much pain. I need to go to the hospital. Please, Casey. I need you."

Casey feels all the color drain from her face. She knows how scared Alex is of hospitals. If she is actually asking to go, something is horribly wrong.

Casey doesn't even think twice. "I'm on my way. Hold on, okay? I'm leaving now."

Casey doesn't even tell anyone she is leaving. She knows she will catch hell for not showing up to court and just leaving, but she doesn't care. Alex is way more important.

She wants to tell Alex to stay on the phone with her, but Alex has already hung up. Casey hurries to the parking garage and fumbles around in her purse for her keys.

She is really scared. Alex sounded really bad on the phone. What could be wrong?

She makes it to Alex's house in record time. She goes way over the speed limit, prepared to use her job to get her out of it if she gets pulled over. All she can think about right now is Alex.

Casey has a key so she lets herself in after parking hasitly and literally running to the door.

She finds Alex doubled over in pain on the couch. She's moaning and holding her right side, wincing in pain. It's clear she hasn't left the house today. She's wearing pajama bottoms and her gray sweatshirt that she left last time she was there.

"Alex," Casey immeaditely crouches down to her level. "What's wrong? Where does it hurt?"

"Casey," Alex chokes out. She is extremely grateful that Casey is there. Her presence alone comforts Alex. She feels like she is going to be okay, because Casey is there. "My side. It's been hurting for a couple days but it's unbearable now."

Casey looks at her with worried eyes and gently feels her right side. It makes Alex cry out in pain.

Casey thinks it might be her appendix. She had appendicitis in college and it was extremely painful. But she doesn't know for sure, and knows they definitely need to go to the hospital.

Casey puts her hand on Alex's arm and rubs gently, trying to offer her comfort. "Come on. We need to go get you checked out. They can give you something for pain."

Alex groans in objection but knows she doesn't have a choice. She tells Casey she needs to change her clothes but Casey knows there's no time for that. She finds Alex's shoes and drops them in front of her.

Casey sits next to Alex while she grimaces in pain bending over to put her shoes on. It breaks Casey's heart to see her in so much pain. She slides her arm around her back. "I'm here for you, Alex. You're going to be okay."

Casey has to help Alex walk to the car. She can barely walk without wanting to fall over in pain. Casey keeps her arm around her tightly, supporting most of her weight and opens the passenger side door with one hand. Alex is able to get in by herself and Casey wastes no time getting in and starting the car. She turns around in the driveway so fast that she nearly spins out.

"Thank you for coming," Alex tells her, biting her lip so she doesn't cry out in pain. "I didn't know who else to call."

Casey wants to ask where Olivia is but she doesn't. It's not the time or place to have this conversation again.

Alex reaches out and seeks Casey's hand. She gently pries the hand closest to her off the steering wheel and holds on tight. The contact makes Casey's heart flutter and greatly comforts Alex.

"Of course. I just had to get away for a couple days. But I'm here, Alex. I'm going to get you help."

Of course they hit every red light and Casey curses under her breath. Usually she has patience for Manhattan traffic, but right now she just wants to get Alex to the hospital.

Alex groans again and holds her side and Casey looks at her in alarm. "Alex, stay with me, okay? Stay awake and look at me."

She tries her best to comfort Alex while she is driving. And when they arrive at the hospital, Casey whips into the closest parking spot in the emergency room lot she can find. She helps Alex out of the car and holds onto her as they go inside.

Alex is terrified. She is gripping Casey's arm tightly; not just in pain, but also because hospitals are one of her number one fears. And Casey knows this. She makes sure she keeps her arm around her while they get Alex registered and into triage. She never once breaks contact with her.

Luckily they take Alex back to a room right away. They give her a wheelchair so she doesn't have to walk, and Casey follows right behind. Once they get her set up in a room she is asked more questions and then poked and prodded.

Casey frowns, a little annoyed that they aren't addressing Alex's pain. "Can you give her something for pain? She's hurting badly."

"We don't know what's wrong with her yet," one of the nurses says. "We suspect appendicitis but won't know until we can get her to x-ray. As soon as we know anything concrete we will take care of the pain."

They take Alex to get x-rays almost right away. Alex doesn't want to leave Casey and it takes everything Casey has not to follow them, even though she knows she can't. She has to sit in Alex's ER room and wait.

She's back in less than a half hour with a flurry of activity and doctors. Casey is told Alex has appendicitis and they need to take her to surgery immeaditely before her appendix bursts.

Casey suspected this, but it doesn't mean she isn't scared. She stands and immeaditely takes Alex's hand, smiling down reassuringly at her. "Hey, you're going to be okay. The surgery is real quick and easy to recover from. Especially the way they do it now. You'll be back to normal in no time, kicking ass and bossing people around."

Alex stares at her with pain filled eyes. "I - I asked Olivia to stay home with me today. She wouldn't."

Casey shakes her head and tries to soothe her. "Don't worry about that. I'm here."

"I'm so scared, Casey," Alex sobs. She is scared to death; not because of the surgery, but because she is terrified of hospitals.

The worst experience of her life took place in the hospital. Waking up to find out she was being removed from her life and everything and everyone she loved. She hadn't been with Olivia at that time but deeply loved her, and leaving her was immensely hard.

It's been eleven years and Alex is still absolutely terrified of going to sleep in a hospital. She doesn't want to wake up to the same experience.

"You are going to be okay, Alex," Casey says softly. She squeezes her hand hard to reassure her. "They do apendecdomies every day. I had my appendix out when I was in college. You are going to be fine."

Casey's smiling face usually calms Alex right now but right now there's no calming her. She does not want to be taken away. The nurse announces they need to take her to surgery but Alex won't let go of Casey's hand. She's afraid if she lets go she will never see her again.

Casey reads the intense fear in Alex's eyes and asks the nurse to give them a moment before they take Alex away.

She leans down close to Alex, remaining calm and strong. "Alex, look at me. Look at me, okay?" Alex meets her eyes and holds her gaze intently. "I promise you that everything will be okay. I know you're scared, and I know why you are scared. Do you think I would let anyone take you away, Alex? They would have to go through me." She gives her hand another squeeze. "I promise you that when you wake up, I will be here. I won't leave you. And you aren't going anywhere. When you wake up, you'll see my ugly face. I promise you. I promise, Alex. You know I always keep my promises."

Alex is still sobbing, but nods. She reaches up and touches Casey's cheek gently. Her face is exactly what she wants to see when she wakes up. Her beautiful face. Casey leans down and kisses her cheek and Alex says, "You are beautiful Casey. I love you."

Before they wheel her away, Casey locks eyes on the doctor and says sternly. "I love this woman more than anything else in this world. She means everything to me. I am trusting you with her." Casey's eyes shine with tears. "Take care of her and get her back to me."

When Casey is sure that Alex is out of sight she falls against the hospital wall, finally allowing herself to experience the emotions she is feeling. She sobs and slides down the wall with her back until she's seated on the floor.

The logical part of her knows that Alex is going to be okay. Appendicitis is quite common and Casey knows one of the fastest and easiest to recover from surgeries around.

She's crying because Alex was so frightened and she had to let her go. She had to let go of her hand and let that team of doctors take Alex away. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

"Casey," a voice says, and Casey recognizes the southern drawl immeaditely. She looks up to see Amanda Rollins standing in front of her, a worried expression on her face.

Casey wipes her eyes and stands. "Amanda- is Olivia here?"

Amanda nods. "She's speaking to the receptionist. We were on a case and came right over as soon as we got your message. Is Alex all right?"

Casey nods, walking with Amanda over to the front desk where is arguing with the receptionist. As soon as she sees Casey, she steps away from the desk and grabs her shoulders. Her eyes are worried and tired. "Tell me she's okay, Casey. What happened?"

Casey has been telling herself to remain calm and civil for Alex's sake. But seeing Olivia now makes her so angry so that she can't stop herself.

Casey grabs Olivia by the arm of her coat and pushes her against the wall. Hard. "How the hell could you? How could you leave her?!"

Olivia doesn't fight back. She knows that Casey has every right to be angry with her. She is taking too long to answer, and Casey shoves her again, this time causing her head to hit the wall.

By now a concerned nurse has approached them. "What is going on here? Do I need to call security?"

Casey never takes her eyes off Olivia. She can feel herself calming down slowly, but does not release her. Olivia shakes her head and holds her hand up to the nurse, indicating that everything is fine.

"Okay Casey, calm down. Let her go," Amanda says, stepping between Olivia and Casey. "Alex doesn't need this. You should both be thinking about her right now."

Casey slowly and hesitantly lets go of Olivia.

"Appendicitis. You didn't know she was hurting? She was in so much pain. How could you have not known that something was wrong with her?" Casey's tone comes out more accusatory than she means it too.

Olivia is crying, obviously wracked with guilt. "She said she was feeling sick, I thought the stomach bug had come back. I never would have left her if I had known!"

Casey knows that blaming Olivia will get them nowhere. But she can't believe that Olivia would just go to work and leave Alex in the condition Casey had found her in. Granted it probably hadn't been as severe when Olivia had left that morning, but Casey still finds it hard to believe that Olivia could leave her.

"You left her!" Casey practically screams at Olivia. "She told you she didn't feel right and you left her!"

The anger is building up inside Casey. She knows that Olivia would never do anything to intentionally endanger Alex, but benign neglect is still unforgivable in her mind.

"I didn't know, Casey," Olivia says softly. "I - I didn't know."

Casey continues to glare at her. "Of course you didn't."

She goes over and sits in a chair in the surgery waiting area. Olivia knows better than to try and sit with her. She and Amanda take a seat nearby.

Olivia has never felt such guilt. She should not have left Alex this morning. She knows her enough to know that if she was complaining of not feeling well it had to be serious. And she chose her job over Alex. It's unforgivable and knows she has only damaged her relationship further.

Casey has three missed calls when she checks her phone. No doubt about her not showing up in court. She can't deal with that right now. She drops her phone into her purse with a sigh.

Alex is her focus right now. The rest of the world can wait.

"Thank you for taking care of my girlfriend, Casey," Olivia suddenly says .

The fact that she says girlfriend and not fiancee does not go unnoticed by Casey. She glares at Olivia. "I will always take care of her. She knows that. She called me," Casey says, putting the emphasis on "me". "I was about to go into court. I left immediately. When I got to your house she was in so much pain she couldn't even talk. I basically had to carry her to the car." Casey locks her eyes onto Olivia's and holds her gaze intently. "You're her girlfriend and I'm just her best friend, and she called me when she was in the worst pain of her life. Let that one sink in."

"I really didn't know, Casey."

Casey glares at Olivia again. "You don't know anything about her anymore."

Casey's words sting. They hit her right in the heart, excatly where Casey aimed.

Casey isnt finished. She is bound and determined to let Olivia know that she knows Alex better. "Did you know that she got new glasses? Did you know that she gets this cute intense look when she's driving? Did you know that shrimp gives her a really bad stomachache but that she eats it anyway because you like it? Did you know that she likes superhero movies? Did you know that she likes to color and has a stack of coloring books in her office? Did you know that purple is her favorite color? Did you know that she - "

"Stop, Casey." Olivia swallows harshly. "Just stop. Please."

"No, Olivia." Casey turns to face her now, her eyes cold and unforgiving. "You don't know any of that, do you? Because you don't know Alex. She truly don't know her. I have spent six years knowing and loving her. I could tell you anything about her. You may know the intimates details of Alex, but I know her. She's my family, and she deserves so much better than what she's getting with you. She deserves someone who will cherish every second with her."

Casey starts to cry again. "She saved me, Olivia. She doesn't know it, but she saved me. I was in a bad place when I came back to the DA's office. It was Alex who pulled me through it. Her smile always gave me strength. It still does. You don't know how amazing she is. How much I need her. How much I love her."

They don't talk again. Amanda chats with Olivia quietly, trying to lessen her guilt but that's not possible. Olivia knows what she has done. And she knows it's something that can't be fixed easily if at all.

About an hour later a doctor comes into the waiting area and asks for the family of Alex. Olivia and Casey both stand.

"Alex is just fine. She did very well, and she's waking up in recovery right now. She's pretty groggy but one of you can go see her."

Olivia feels her heart fill with relief. Without hesitation she says, "I'm her girlfriend. I want to see her."

Casey glares at Olivia again but she knows there is nothing she can do. She is resigned to sitting and waiting for her turn to see Alex. She watches Olivia follow the doctor through the double doors and feels her heart break because she won't be the one Alex sees when she wakes up.

Alex is just waking up when Olivia enters her room. She looks around confused, not knowing where she is. The stark white of the ceiling stares back at her as she blinks her eyes and tries to focus.

"Alex," Olivia says gently, reaching for her hand. "Sweetheart, you're okay. You had your appendix out. You're in the hospital. But you did just fine."

Alex looks at her, blinking her eyes. She doesn't have her glasses but can tell she's looking at Olivia.

And she wants Casey. She's the one she wants beside her holding her hand.

"Casey," she says, her voice dry and hoarse. She starts to cough and Olivia hands her a cup of water and rubs her thumb on the top of her hand.

"No, it's me, baby. Casey is here too; she's in the waiting room. She didn't leave. But it's me, sweetheart."

Alex pulls her hand from Olivia's grasp. This feels wrong. A look of confusion and hurt crosses Olivia's face.

Alex wants Casey. She had promised her she would be there. She has to be there. Alex wants her holding her hand. She wants to be looking into her beautiful green eyes.

She just wants Casey.

 **Awww. What do you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is kind of short but it sets the tone for what happens next. Enjoy!**

Alex's voice is hoarse but she manages to say, "I want Casey. I want Casey. Please get Casey. I want her." She doesn't stop saying it. This becomes her mantra until Alex feels like she is going to panic. Where is Casey? Why isn't she here?

Olivia is trying to calm Alex, to no avail. "Alex, baby...it's okay. You're fine. I'm here."

"Casey. I need her. Please."

Olivia knows that Alex getting worked up right now is not in her best interest. She should be relaxing. Her heart breaks into a million peices as she stands.

"I'll go get Casey. I'll go get her."

Alex immeaditely quiets and looks at Olivia with sad eyes. She knows Olivia loves her and knows how much this is costing her. But she can't help what her heart feels, and right now it's screaming out for Casey.

Olivia walks back to the surgery waiting room, doing a great job of keeping her tears at bay. She doesn't want anyone to see her break down. Not Alex who doesn't need the stress, not Amanda who is her subordinate and certainly not Casey who is suddenly her competition.

Casey is talking softly to Amanda when Olivia steps into the room. Casey turns and looks at her and opens her mouth to speak, but Olivia beats her to it. "She's asking for you. She wants you."

Casey stands immediately and starts to follow Olivia. She knows this is hard on her so Casey keeps her mouth shut. Everything she needed to say she already said anyway.

When they reach Alex's room Olivia motions inside and Casey doesn't hesitate a moment. She rushes into the room.

Alex cries out in happiness and reaches her hand out. Without hesitating even a second, Casey leans down and hugs her as best she can, taking the spot beside her bed that Olivia just vacated. She is holding Alex's hand tight, choking back tears.

Casey kept her promise. Alex woke up and she was still there.

"Casey." Alex is still groggy and disconnected but she knows that Casey is there. She keeps repeating her name, as if she will fade away if she stops staying it.

"I'm here, Alex. I told you I would be here. I love you."

Casey is letting tears fall again, and she leans down and kisses Alex on the forehead. She doesn't even care that Olivia might be watching. Alex wants the kiss as much as Casey is giving it.

"How are you feeling?" Casey asks, sitting down in the chair next to the bed and never letting go of Alex.

Alex smiles. Her mind is still foggy but things are becoming clearer. "I'm tired and feel sluggish but I don't hurt anymore." She squeezes Casey's hand. "Thank you for coming to my rescue. And thank you for keeping me calm. I was...really scared. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Alex doesn't admit that things scare her often. In fact, Olivia and Casey may be the only people in the world who have heard that word come out of her mouth.

"Well, you never have to find out. I'll always be here."

It's the best threat anyone has ever made to Alex.

"I left the courthouse without telling anyone. I'm sure I am going to be in trouble." Casey laughs. "All I could think about was getting to you. Nothing else mattered."

Alex smiles at her. "I'm really good at getting people out of trouble. Don't worry."

Olivia lets her own tears slide down her cheeks as she silently steps out of the room, giving them their privacy.

It's like Alex completely forgot she was there. She falls in conversation with Casey so easily. Olivia watches from outside the room while the two talk, Casey smiling reassuringly and keeping a hold of Alex's hand. Alex looks adoringly back at her, not even noticing that Olivia had stepped out of the room.

She knows without a doubt that she's lost Alex forever.

.2

Alex only has to stay overnight in the hospital. She's released the next morning and told to take it easy and rest up for a week. She is sore from surgery but feels a million times better than she did a couple days ago.

Olivia brings her home. They don't talk much on the drive home and when they get back to their house, Olivia makes Alex lie down on the couch immeaditely to rest. She gets her something to drink and switches the TV on.

When Alex is settled Olivia immeaditely goes to the bedroom and grabs her duffel bag. She starts packing clothes, just enough for now until she can come back and get the rest.

It's clear things are different between her and Alex. 'Alex' has replaced 'Baby' and 'Sweetheart'.

Alex had rejected Olivia at the hospital; chosen Casey over her. Olivia's comfort hadn't been enough. She didn't just want Casey by her side - She needed Casey by her side. She had only let herself relax when her hand was in Casey's and she was looking into her soft green eyes.

When Casey had finally left the hospital, Olivia could barely look at Alex. It hurt her too badly. To know she wasn't enough to bring comfort to her girlfriend had been shattering.

But Olivia doesn't fool herself. She could feel the distance between them becoming greater and Casey sliding into that distance. Alex always preferred Casey's company, even if she never admitted it. She could never make Alex laugh the way Casey did.

Olivia knows that Casey would be good for Alex. She would love her unconditionally. Maybe Alex could have a life that Olivia could never give her.

Olivia loves Alex; will always love Alex. She will always care and want her in her life, want what is best for her.

And that's why she knows she has to let her go.

 **What do you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

Alex has never been one to take it easy, even when she knows it's in her best interest to do so. She has to always be busy, always be moving to occupy her always full mind. The word rest is not in her vocabulary.

And this time is no exception.

She only got out of the hospital today and knows she is supposed to rest. Her doctor told her, and Olivia told her. But the things on her mind right now need dealt with and they cannot wait.

She knows they need to talk about what happened. Olivia had been hurt when Alex asked for Casey. It had broken her heart and Alex knows it. She knows she owes it to Olivia to talk about this.

She gets up off the couch with slight pain and heads towards the bedroom, where she hears noise. She hovers in the doorway, watching Olivia pull clothes out of the closet and pack them into an open duffel bag on the bed.

Alex's heart constricts and she hurts for her. "Liv?"

Olivia turns around in surprise and offers Alex a smile. "Alex. You should be resting."

Alex skirts right over the issue. "What are you doing? We need to talk."

Olivia sighs, turning to face her. "We do need to talk, yes, but more than anything I owe you an apology." She sits on the bed and motions for Alex to join her, which she does.

They face each other and Olivia looks into those blue eyes she has looked into so many times before. The beautiful face that has comforted her more times than she can count. Her heart aches; it feels like someone is reaching into her chest and squeezing it. She wishes against everything that she didn't have to do this.

But she knows she has no choice.

"I haven't been there for you like I should have been lately. I know that. It was wrong of me to go to work when you asked me to stay with you. I'll always regret it, Alex. Always." She takes a deep breath before she continues and picks up Alex's hand. "I've let work consume me. And I didn't have an explanation before. But I do now. Since my promotion so much has changed. The things I want in life aren't aligned with what you want and I know that now. There's a child I've been looking to adopt, from a case of mine. His name is Noah. I pictured myself being a family with him. Being his mother and taking him to the park and the toy store. I've even talked with Rafael about how to go about adopting him. And I never mentioned this to you, Alex. Ever. You were my girlfriend and I never told you. Because deep down I knew you weren't in the visions of me and Noah."

A tear slides down Olivia's cheek and Alex brushes it away, choking back her own sadness. Olivia continues. "I had no right to pop a proposal on you. It was stupid. I've had that ring for almost a year. I knew we were falling apart and that was my last ditch effort to save us. But even though you accepted, I knew it was over that day at the mall before you even gave the ring back to me. I could see it on your face when you bought that necklace for Casey. You had been so sullen and withdrawn but as soon as you saw something that you knew Casey would like your entire face lit up. You came alive. It didn't go unnoticed."

She takes a moment to gather herself before going on. "I want you to know I am not angry at you or Casey. I don't blame you for loving her. She's been there for you where I have failed. She's a wonderful, loyal girl and I know she will treat you like you deserve. If I can't have you anymore at least I know you are in good hands." Olivia breaks at this moment, finally letting herself cry.

Alex feels gutted and broken. How could this hurt so much? She starts to cry as well and pulls Olivia into her arms. They hold each other and cry.

When they break apart, Alex touches Olivia's cheek gently. "I never meant for this to happen, Liv. I don't even know when it did...I don't know when I fell in love with Casey. But I do love her. So, so much."

Despite the emotional pain she is feeling, Olivia smiles. "I know you do. And Casey loves you too. I want you to be happy, Alex. Even if it isn't with me. I know Casey makes you happy. I saw you two in the hospital. And what I saw was love, Alex. I cant stand in the way of that."

Alex cries and hugs Olivia again. This is so much harder than she thought it would be. Olivia has been her world for six years, and now it's like she's trading her for someone else. She knows it isn't like that; love doesn't give you a choice. But it sure feels that way right now.

She knows a part of her heart will always belong with Olivia no matter what she does or where she goes. Olivia will always occupy a place in her heart, even if she doesn't love her in the same way anymore.

"I feel like the worst person in the world," Alex sobs. "I hate myself for doing this to you."

Olivia gives her a reassuring squeeze. "You're not, Alex. You're amazing. I know you didn't plan this. Nobody does. Love just happens. You just find your soulmate and you know."

They hug for awhile longer, both in pain but knowing this is for the best. They take comfort in knowing that they are ending on good terms.

"I need to be on my own for awhile," Olivia says. "I've been feeling that tug of family lately and I need to figure things out before I take the next step with Noah." She motions to her duffel bag. "I'm going to a hotel. I'll come back for the rest of my stuff at a later time if that's okay."

Alex feels her heart drop. She doesn't want Olivia to go to a hotel.

"You don't have to go, Liv."

Olivia smiles. "I know, but I think it's best."

"I'll go," Alex offers. "I'll go stay with Casey."

Olivia shakes her head. "No - You just had surgery. You're not going anywhere."

"That's not what I mean," Alex tells her. "I want you to keep the house."

Olivia looks at her with wide eyes. "I can't do that, Alex."

Alex touches her shoulder and offers a smile. "Live here with Noah. It's the perfect place to raise a child. You really will be a good mother, Olivia."

Olivia feels her heart swell with pride. She's always wanted to be a mother, and the idea of raising a son in this beautiful house in this beautiful neighborhood makes her feel warm inside.

She feels tears well up in her eyes. "Are you sure?" she asks softly. Alex nods again. "What will you do? Casey's place is too small for you both. Hell, it's too small for just Casey."

"We will manage. Don't worry." Alex would stay with Casey no matter where she lived. She would live in a camper in the woods if she had to, as long as it meant being with Casey.

"I can't thank you enough, Alex. I don't deserve this."

"Yes you do," Alex says quickly. "I am proud of you for what you have accomplished and for going towards what you want."

Even though parting ways is the hardest thing either have ever done, they both know it's for the best interest of each other. Olivia can become a mother and Alex can be with the person she loves and was meant to be with.

.2

There's a knock on Casey's door. She groans and pauses the DVR, irritated that someone is interrupting her favorite show. Getting lost in the magic of _Once Upon a_ _Time_ is excatly what she needs right now with everything that is going on in her mind.

Begrudgingly she gets off the couch and walks to the door. It's most likely Mike Cutter, wanting to yell at her again for leaving the courthouse without telling anyone.

She opens the door without asking who it is, and is shocked when she sees Alex standing in the hallway smiling at her. She's in jeans with a white turtleneck, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. She looks rough, but smiles warmly as soon as she sees Casey.

"Alex...you're supposed to be home resting..." Casey's eyes fall on the suitcase sitting beside her. "What is going on?"

"So I told Olivia she could keep the house. She wants to adopt a baby from a case she's working on. It's the perfect place for a child to grow up."

Casey's eyes go wide wirh surprise and she nods. These were certainly not the words she expected to hear, especially so bluntly.

Alex looks at her pathetically, motioning to the suitcase by her feet. "So I need a place to stay. Are you going to invite me in?"

Casey locks her eyes onto Alex's. "Are - Are you mine?" she asks tentatively and quietly.

Alex shrugs. "If you still want me. As you know I can't cook. I don't always communicate well; I'm working on that. I have to always be right; I'm _not_ working on that."

Casey laughs, tears of happiness making their way down her cheeks.

Alex crosses her arms and feigns annoyance. "So you going to invite me in or leave me standing in the hallway? I just had surgery, you know."

Instead of answering, Casey throws herself into Alex's arms. She's sobbing uncontrollably and Alex hugs her tightly, tucking her head on Casey's shoulder and letting her own tears fall.

 **Do you think it was noble of Olivia to let her go? how do you think her relationship with Casey will develop?**


	9. Chapter 9

Casey has always looked out for Alex.

Every winter for the past two years since Olivia and Alex hsd thier house, Casey would go over and snowblow the driveway every morning when it snowed. Olivia would always leave too early and Alex would always tell Casey she did not have to do it, that she would call a plow. But Casey would be there every time, no matter how cold it was. The few times the snowblower didn't want to work she shoveled. She would always come in the house afterwards red faced and freezing and Alex would have a cup of coffee to warm her up. Casey would always tell Alex she did it because she wanted her to be safe.

She would always bring Alex lunch to her office when her schedule permitted. Even when she had to go out of her way, Casey would bring her something. Alex was never good at caring for herself and Casey took up her slack.

How many people would do that for someone? Not many, and Alex knew this. She always knew Casey was special. She always went above and beyond for Alex.

Alex thinks back on everything that has happened, sitting on the couch in Casey's apartment.

Neither want to move too quickly. Yes they have known each other for years, but haven't known each other in this way yet.

But they are so in sync that everything seems to happen naturally. Casey pulls Alex's head into her lap, stroking her hair softly and planting a kiss to her temple. The gesture makes Alex relax completely, and she sighs in contentment.

"I'm glad you're here," Casey says softly, and Alex smiles. "I'll take care of you."

Alex's heart had never felt so full. She turns her head so she can look at Casey and says, "I love you."

Casey smiles back that warm goofy smile. "I love you too, Alex."

Alex knows Casey means it as much as she does. She can picture coming home every night to this. Being held by Casey and holding her. Falling asleep with the woman she loves. It's everything she ever wanted.

A short while later they go to bed. They don't discuss it; it just seems natural they would go to Casey's bed. Alex changes into pyjamas she brought and Casey wears Batman lounge pants and a Marvel t-shirt.

"That certainly clashes," Alex muses thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow at Casey.

Casey looks down at her pyjamas and then back at Alex with a confused expression. "The colors? Black and gray are fine."

Alex shakes her head. "No, dummy. Batman is DC and you have a Marvel shirt."

Casey beams happily, thrilled that she knows that. "Well look at you. I taught you well."

It's not awkward in the slightest to go to bed with each other. Alex is nervous she will wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare, and Casey senses this. She cuddles close to Alex, keeping both arms around her securely. Alex tucks her head into Casey's chest and enjoys the feeling of Casey's strong arms around her.

It's been so long since she has felt security like this. Since she has known she is going to feel it every night.

"I'll chase the seagulls away if I have to, Alex. Don't worry."

And Alex isn't worried. Anything could happen right now and she knows Casey would protect her from it.

Alex would love nothing more than to make love to Casey. Feel her inside her, and pleasure her back the same way Casey would pleasure her. Alex knows it would be as easy as breathing.

But that's premature and she knows it. She doesn't know what Casey likes in that area, how fast or slow she moves. It will happen when the time is right and she knows it.

For now she is perfectly content being in the arms of the girl she loves.

.2

Alex sleeps all night, not once waking. She can't remember the last time she made it through an entire night without being plaqued by a nightmare.

When Alex wakes, she's still held tightly in Casey's arms. The events of the past twenty four hours come rushing back to her and she smiles.

Alex shifts her position and Casey immeaditely lets go of her. The sudden loss of contact makes Alex feel vulnerable for a brief moment.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Casey says with a smile. She's laying on her side facing Alex. "How are you feeling?"

Alex knows she means physically and she is a bit sore, but emotionally she feels better than she has in a very long while.

"I'm looking at the most beautiful sight in the world," Alex says, her voice still groggy from sleep. "I don't know how I could be any better."

Casey blushes and Alex thinks it's the cutest thing she has ever seen. Casey gives her a quick kiss and then sits up in bed. "Get up. I'll make us breakfast."

Within seconds Casey is out of bed, fully awake and energetic. Alex groans and sits up slowly. She is always a slow riser. How does Casey find the energy?

"I need coffee," Alex tells her. "I'm not moving until there's coffee in my hand."

Casey disappears and Alex lies back down. She thinks about Olivia, and hopes she is okay. She grabs her phone off Casey's nightstand and shoots her a text.

She notices the date and smiles. Tomorrow is Casey's birthday. She will be getting her mattress, and Alex always has the Captain America necklace to give her. She smiles as Casey comes back in the bedroom carrying a cup of coffee.

Alex sits back up and accepts the liquid gold that Casey offers her. She takes a sip; the coffee is as sweet as Casey. Alex grins at Casey. "It's someone's birthday tomorrow."

Casey plays dumb. "Yeah? Whose?"

"This girl I know. She's a feisty redhead. Really cute and sweet. I'm quite fond of her and got her a gift."

Casey smiles again. "Well you didn't have to. It's just another day."

"No it isn't. It's special."

Alex knows she is going to get her a cake. The nicest ice cream cake she can find; that's Casey's favorite.

They both have the day off, it being Saturday. Alex is supposed to be taking it easy. She knows she should suggest a nice day in.

Casey, on the other hand, has other ideas. She sits down and watches Alex sip her coffee. "I think we need to talk."

Alex raises her eyebrows at her and her heart falls. "I don't like the sound of that."

Casey smoothes Alex's hair back behind her ear. "It's nothing bad; I promise. It's just, we are at a different level now. I think we should talk about it."

Alex nods and puts her coffee down on the bedside table. "I think so too."

"We've known each other for six years; we know we are compatible. We love each other. But we have never been a couple before. I just want to make sure we take the right steps. I'm thrilled you are here. We practically lived together anyway as much as I was over. I would love you to live with me, if it's what you want. We don't have to stay here; we can move. Whatever we do I want to make sure it's what we both want and that we don't rush into anything either of us aren't ready for," Casey tells her.

Alex nods again. "I agree. I will admit, last night in bed I thought about what it would be like to make love to you. Because that's what I want. But right now isn't the time and we both know it. I just broke up with Olivia. And I would love nothing more than to live with you, Casey. Even if you are messier than me." Alex grins. "I'll have to get used to that. You have so many other good qualities though."

Casey smiles. She can't help but be amazed at how flawlessly beautiful Alex looks upon waking. She hasn't even brushed her hair but yet it looks perfect and she looks like she just walked off a runway. Alex never even has to try; she's just so beautiful all the time.

Casey is aware that Alex has had superficial relationships in the past. Women - and men - who only liked her because she is gorgeous. She can't blame them, really. Alex is a prize.

But her beauty is not what made Casey fall in love with her. It's definitely a bonus, but deep down Casey knows she would love her no matter what she looked like.

It's her heart and her determination that drew her in. Professionally Alex Cabot is known as the Ice Queen. It's a nickname Casey was aware of before she even met Alex. Alex earned it with her stoic, strictly professional attitude at work. She doesn't outwardly let emotions show. She can be hard on those who work under her and very demanding of her detectives. Overall, the nickname is warranted.

Many times Casey has had to step in and call Alex out on being too harsh with a new colleague or unreasonable with their detectives. She has never been afraid to stand up to her, and she knows Alex respects her for it. Each and every time Casey tells her she is being too cold, Alex softens. Every time. It's part of the hold Casey has on her.

But Casey knows the real Alex and that's what she loves. She knows how personally she takes every loss, how passionately she really feels for the victims she works for. She knows how intelligent and dedicated she is and that she will stop at nothing to see a job through. She knows how supportive Alex is of the people she cares about and how easily she allows her heart to be broken. She knows Alex's kindness.

Casey is also the only person besides Olivia who has seen her vulnerable side. Has comforted her through nightmares and held her when she's cried. Casey has always felt she has needed to protect Alex. There was one time that Casey went with her to a witness' house that had an abuse record just so she could make sure she was safe.

Casey scampers off to make breakfast and Alex grabs her phone again and checks the tracking on the mattress she ordered Casey. It's scheduled to be delivered today. One day early, but that's fine. Alex knows Casey is going to love it.

She's slow to get up and even slower to get ready for the day. She didn't pack many clothes. She goes into the attached bathroom off Casey's bedroom, yawning and looking at her herself in the mirror. She grabs Casey's hairbrush and starts to run it through her hair. Normally she wouldn't use anyone else's hairbrush but this is Casey so she doesn't mind at all.

Suddenly Casey appears in the doorway. She leans against the door frame, smiling seductively at Alex.

Alex gives her an odd look and Casey comes into the bathroom and jumps up on the counter, sitting on it facing Alex. She locks both her feet around Alex. "You don't need to try, Alex. You're beautiful no matter what you do."

Alex blushes and tries to ignore her, looking back in the mirror. Casey squeezes her tight with her feet and Alex feigns annoyance. "You're a distraction, Novak. And do you really need to be sitting on the sink?"

"Gives me better elevation for the view."

They go back and forth, falling into the easy banter they have always had with each other. It's like nothing has changed except that Alex's heart flutters every time she looks at Casey.

She can't wait for her birthday tomorrow so she can show her how grateful she is to have her in her life.

 **The next few chapters will focus on Alex and Casey's developing relationship but Olivia is still part of the story. No cheating or anything though so don't expect that.**


	10. Chapter 10

_Alex steps into the elevator, sighing heavily when she sees her colleague Casey Novak as the only other elevator occupant._

 _Alex doesn't know Casey well. They exchange cordial hellos in the hallway but she couldn't tell you a single thing about her outside of work. In fact, Alex has always considered Casey to be aloof, unsocial, and a bit of an unprofessional._

 _She's the last person Alex wants to see right now. She just lost a big case and making small talk with someone she doesn't know isn't high on her list right now._ _Casey is checking her phone but looks up and offers Alex a smile, to which Alex nods and presses the button for her floor._

 _Casey knows that Alex lost her case. Anytime the great Alex Cabot loses a case, it spreads like wildfire around the DA's office. Mostly it's meant as a warning to others not to be in her way. Alex is notorious for flipping out the bitch card when she's lost a case._

 _"My first week as SVU ADA, I had the most humiliating thing happen," Casey says, shattering the silence between them._ _Alex turns and looks at her, annoyance written all her face that Casey is speaking. But she says nothing and just let's her prattle on._

 _"Elliot and Olivia were bickering about something- I don't even remember what now, but I do remember it was trivial. I didn't know them well at all and just assumed by how they acted that they were dating. They argued like an old married couple. Anyway, I put my foot in my mouth after Elliot left and I sat on Olivia's desk and gave her relationship and tips on how to talk to her boyfriend Elliot. Olivia already didn't like me and this was nails in the coffin. You can imagine her response."_

 _Alex has no why idea why Casey is telling her this, straight out of the blue with no lead up to it._ _The doors open at Alex's floor and they both get out._

 _Alex finds herself amused by what Casey just said, as strange as it may be._ _"Wow. I'm shocked you are still alive after that," Alex says with a laugh. "But yes, they do argue like a married couple. They are like brother and sister."_

 _Alex looks at her, as if trying to figure her out. Something about the redhead is strangely comforting._

 _"I just told you that because I heard what happened with your case and wanted you to know that everyone screws up."_ _Alex looks at her as they walk down the hallway._

 _"So I screwed up? Thats what you're saying?"_

 _Casey's eyes go wide. "No! That isn't what I meant!" She stumbles with what to say. "I just...I'm sorry. I was trying to make you feel better. Guess I put my foot in my mouth again."_

 _Alex smiles, knowing she has ruffled the younger attorney's feathers. "Relax, Novak. I was kidding. I appreciate it."_

 _Casey looks at her in shock. She didn't know that Alex Cabot was capable of "kidding"; She's always so stoic and serious._

 _They've stopped in front of Alex's office and Casey looks at her watch. "Hey, feel like getting a drink and talking shit about defense attorneys? You done for the day?"_

 _Alex is quiet for a moment. Aside from her detectives, colleagues never invite her places. It's like everyone is afraid and intimated by her._

 _But Casey isn't. She wears a friendly smile and looks at Alex hopefully._

 _"Yeah, I can be," she relents "and I'll go as long as you don't attempt to give me a pep talk."_

 _"No pep talks - you need a drinking buddy."_

 _Alex doesn't know what it is, but she likes Casey. She feels comfortable around her. She grabs her jacket and locks her office and they go on their way._

alex and Casey giggle, reminiscing about that day they became friends. They clicked instantly over drinks and became best friends almost overnight.

They are lying on their backs on Casey's just delivered memory foam mattress. Casey hadn't even bothered to put the sheets on before they laid down and tested it out.

Casey thinks it's ridiculously expensive for a birthday gift and had been surprised when it was delivered, but she at the same time couldn't hide her delight.

"You hated me so much," Casey remembers with a laugh.

"I didn't hate you!" Alex objects. She frowns. "I just didn't acknowledge your existence. It wasn't personal; I wasn't friendly with anyone. I was different back then." She rolls onto her side, facing Casey. "You were part of the reason I softened up."

Casey sits up and cups Alex's face, her green eyes sparkling warmly. "I have loved you from the very moment I saw you."

Alex's blue eyes reflect back love and warmth. "And I will love you until my last."

Casey smiles warmly back at her. She has the sudden uncomfortable urge to touch Alex in a way she's never been able to touch her before.

Alex seems to sense Casey's wants. She scoots closer to her and cuddles closer to her chest, her soft hair brushing Casey's chin and making goosebumps spring to life all over her body. She closes her eyes, trying to suppress the urges flowing through her right now.

Alex very slowly and carefully snakes her hand under Casey's shirt. Casey gasps and bites her bottom lip, closing her eyes. Alex tickles Casey's warm flesh, running her finger down her stomach in a zig zag pattern.

Casey wants this. She feels her nipples go hard and has to suppress a moan of pleasure from escaping her lips.

When she opens her eyes again, Alex is smiling at her, her hand still under Casey's shirt. When Casey doesn't reciprocate Alex's smile fades and she lies back down. "I'm sorry."

Casey shakes her head and completely gives in. She rolls on top of Alex, capturing her lips with hers. Alex's wandering hands move to the back of Casey's head and she holds it while she kisses her deeply, and then moves to to kiss her neck and shoulders.

Casey leans up and removes her shirt in one motion. Alex grins and follows her lead with a little more difficulty in her position.

And suddenly they are tearing bras and panties off and going at it on top of Casey's new mattress like a couple horny teenagers.

Alex somehow ends up on top of Casey, pinning her to the mattress and biting her breasts. Casey moans in pleasure and her hand tightens in Alex's hair.

Alex is going to leave marks and Casey knows this, but she doesn't care. Having Alex mark her up is more than okay with Casey.

Alex moves from biting to licking around Casey's breasts and it's more than Casey can take. She rolls her head back and lets out a guttural moan.

Alex smiles, quite satisfied with herself for eliiciting this response from the redhead.

It's been so long since Casey has felt anything like this, anything real. Since she's felt real love. Sure she's had girlfriends, but she was never in love with them. They had sex but it was never like this. Never made her feel the things she is feeling now.

Alex continues her voyage down Casey's body, slowly working down her bare stomach and reaching her thighs. She lightly tickles the soft skin of Casey's inner thighs.

Casey stiffens, her leg muscles tensing up. "Alex, stop teasing. Give it to me."

Alex smiles at her. "Oh, you want, Casey? Don't you know how to ask politely?"

Casey groans, wanting what Alex is about to give her more than she's ever wanted anything. "Alex, please..."

"Awww, poor baby. I'm making you beg." She leans down and kisses Casey's flat bare stomach. "Are you sure you can handle me?"

"Yes," Casey rasps out. "Yes."

Alex raises an eyebrow and without another word makes her way to Casey's core. She inserts one finger and the two, and when Casey yells out in pleasure she inserts one more, making Casey squirm in sheer delight.

Alex thrusts her fingers in and out, lowering herself down and pressing her breasts against Casey's naked chest. They are both sweaty and Casey is gasping for breath, trying to contain herself.

Casey is making a lot of noise, and Alex is enjoying every minute of it. She had no idea that Casey was so vocal during sex. It's endearing.

Once Alex's fingers start to cramp she removes them from inside Casey. She is covered in Casey's clear discharge and she licks her fingers, tasting Casey's juices.

Alex collapses back down onto the mattress and Casey immeaditely cuddles into her. She tucks her head into Alex's chest and Alex just holds her.

"I love you," Casey says huskily. "So, so much. I would give my life for you, in an instant."

Alex turns and looks at her. "Whoa, shit just got heavy, Casey."

Casey is usually always up for playful banter and jokes, but right now she feels more serious than she ever has. She squeezes Alex tightly. "For once I am being serious. You're the only person I've ever loved."

Alex is drumming her fingers through her girlfriend's thick hair lazily. "That can't be true."

Casey forces Alex to look at her. "It is."

"You loved Charlie," Alex reminds gently.

"I did. But not like this. I thought that was true love. I know better now. I know what love is, because of you. Every beat of my heart is for you. Every breath I take is for you. I've loved you so long, Alex...and now you're here and mine and it's like it's not real." She buries her face into Alex's chest and keeps talking. "When you touch me it's like nothing else I've known. I feel like I'm worth something to someone. I don't feel like a screw up, like the attorney everyone makes fun of behind their back."

A tear trickles down Alex's cheek and is caught by Casey's hair. Alex holds Casey tighter against her chest, hoping she can feel her heartbeat and know it's true. "Well I can assure you it's definitely real, Casey, and that you're worth more to me than anything else in this world. And you, sweetheart, are not a screw up. If anyone has ever made you feel that way, I'm sorry. You're smart and dedicated and the kindest most beautiful girl I have ever known."

"I remember one of our best friend pissy spats when you told me you wouldn't have re-hired me back at the office had it been up to you."

Alex cringes. She, like everyone else, has flinged words in anger that she doesn't mean, even to someone she cared deeply about. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. What were we arguing about that time anyway?"

"I think I had opened my big mouth and gone off on someone. Filter malfunction. You were having a bad day and it was just totally the wrong time." Casey touches Alex's cheek. "I just brought it up, because it made me feel so bad. You were my best friend and I looked up to you so much and to have you say you didn't think I deserved to have my job just hurt me deeply. I thought you really meant it."

Alex frowns. "God, I'm sorry Casey. I can be such an ass."

Casey leans up on her elbow and looks at Alex. "Don't you remember what I said back to you?"

Alex searches her mind but can't recall that particular exchange. She shakes her head again.

"I said that someone who would have sex on their desk with Jim Steele didn't deserve their position."

Alex remembers now, and remembers how it had felt like a dagger in her heart when Casey said it to her.

Jim Steele was a part of her past that she wanted to forget, a lapse in judgment made in loneliness before she was with Olivia that she vowed never to make again. She had told Casey in confidence, never expecting it to be flung back in her face so callously.

"Yeah. That one stung, I'll be honest."

Casey nods. "Exactly."

As Alex thinks more about it, she remembers something else. "But I also remember you coming over that night to apologize. I could tell you had been crying and you felt incredibly bad. When you hugged me and said you were sorry I knew you meant it. And I remember that more vividly than what you actually said to me. Because actions speak louder than words." She reaches out and laces her fingers together with Casey's. "We got pizza or something afterwards, didn't we?"

"Yep. Olivia came home to an open pizza box on the coffee table, Once Upon a Time on the TV, and yelled at us for having our feet on the coffee table."

Alex laughs. "You can remember details well. You have a great memory."

"Only when it comes to things I want to remember. Every moment I ever spent with you I'll remember because you have always meant so much to me."

Neither speaks again for quite awhile. Words aren't needed at this point. They both know how they feel, and holding each other speaks louder than words ever could.

Casey is the first to snap back into it. She gets up off the mattress and gets redressed. Alex yawns lazily and makes no attempt to get up.

"I need to put sheets on - off, Alex."

Alex sits up with a groan. "Why? It already smells like sex."

Casey playfully smacks Alex. "Alex! That mouth."

"Mmmhhmn. You'll still kiss it though."

Alex finally gets up and gets herself dressed. She flips her hair over and practically whips Casey in the face with her mane of blonde hair.

"You were trying to get me into bed the entire time, weren't you? And you wanted to make sure you were comfortable. That's why you got me this mattress and gave it to me a day before my actual birthday."

Alex plays along with the banter. "Well of course. I'm clever you know."

"Alex, you really didn't have to. This is so expensive. When I get you gifts I can't afford anything like this. I wish I could. You deserve it. You deserve the moon and stars and the universe."

Alex smiles at her. "I don't care what you can or can't buy me. And I wanted to get this for you, because you are such a wonderful person and you deserve something nice. Trust me, you're the best gift a person could ever hope for."

Casey gives her a peek on the cheek. "You, my dear, just earned something special. I have brownie mix I have been dying to find an excuse to put to use. I'm going to make you a nice sugary treat."

Alex gives her an odd look. "Brownies? Really, Casey?" She shakes her head. "You're so peculiar." She tries to hide it, but she's deeply amused by the suggestion.

Casey takes Alex's hand and leads her out of the bedroom. "Come on - you can help. I'll let you lick the bowl."

Alex is laughing by the time they reach the kitchen. "Lick the bowl? We're not animals."

Casey is already getting out baking supplies to make the brownies. She glances over her shoulder at Alex. "You've never licked the bowl after making brownie or cake mix?"

Alex shakes her head.

"Wow. I feel sorry for you. You missed out on something truly great." She spreads everything she needs all over the counter top. "Well, you're going to experience it today. My mom always used to let me lick the bowl and the mixing spoon."

Alex's face is scrunched up in disgust. "And other people would still eat the cake?"

Casey turns around and almost laughs when she catches the bewildered expression on Alex's face. She's so inept when it comes to cooking or baking that it's actually adorable.

"No, Alex," she says wirh a light laugh. "It's after you pour the cake mix into the baking pan." She can tell that Alex isn't with her so she laughs again and adds, "I'll show you. Okay? I'll teach you how to adult."

Alex playfully swats the back of her head. "Teach me how to adult...I excel at that. Give me a task here. I want to help."

Casey raises an eyebrow skeptically. "Why don't you just supervise? You're good at that."

Alex looks at the box of brownie mix, the electric mixer, tub of butter and eggs sitting on the counter. She grabs an egg. "Can this go in the bowl now?"

Casey rips the brownie mix open and pours its contents into her large mixing bowl. "Yes but break it carefully. Make sure no eggshells get in."

"Oh I was just going to drop the entire egg in," Alex says, elbowing Casey in the side. "You dork. I know that."

Casey shakes her head and intensely watches Alex gracefully break both eggs onto the brownie mix. She disposes of the broken shells in the sink and turns to Casey for approval.

"Gold star, my girl." Casey rewards her with a kiss. She puts her hand on Alex's back. "I'll domesticate you yet."

Making brownies is such a simple task, something that ordinary people wouldn't give a second thought to. But Alex and Casey thoroughly enjoy themselves, giggling like teenagers and making a mess of the kitchen.

It's the kind of a way simplicity they both need.

.2

The next day - Casey's birthday - starts out pretty bad.

Alex gets up early to go to the nearby bakery and pick out an ice cream cake for Casey. They don't have many pre-made cakes to choose from and Alex argues with the cake decorator about how she wants Casey's name written on the top.

She knows she is bringing this stress on herself by waiting until the last minute. She could have ordered Casey a cake and had it made the way she wanted it. But she hadn't planned on being Casey's girlfriend on her birthday and cake duty falls under the category of things a girlfriend takes care of.

It takes nearly two hours for Alex to get a suitable cake, and then she has to stop and get balloons. She doesn't know why, really. It just seems like today calls for balloons.

She has to stop by the house to pick up the Captain America necklace she got for Casey. She left it in the top drawer.

Alex doesn't expect Olivia to be home, but when she sees her car in the driveway she feels her heart clench.

Alex had promised herself she wouldn't see Olivia again until the pain of the break up had passed for both of them. Olivia took it very hard, and Alex doesn't want to flaunt her relationship with Casey in her face.

And she knows it's going to hurt her to see Olivia.

Alex parks and slowly approaches the door. She feels like a stranger walking towards that familiar door now.

She hesitates a moment and then knocks. It feels silly, but she doesn't live here anymore.

It's Olivia's house now.

 **How do you think it will go? will it be awkward? Also coming up, Casey meets Alex's dad and that will be...interesting.**


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia comes to the door almost immeaditely. She looks surprised to see Alex, but her shocked expression turns to a smile very quickly.

Seeing Olivia chokes Alex up. It's only been a couple days since she has been gone from home - she even still has most of her stuff at the house - but it seems like a lot longer to both of them.

"Hi," Alex says awkwardly. "I'm sorry to just show up. I, uh, have to pick up something. I left one of Casey's birthday gifts here."

Olivia motions for her to come in. "Of course. You're always welcome and you don't have to have a reason."

Alex goes in and standa in the kitchen as if she's a stranger. "I was just doing some housework. You still have a lot of clothes and stuff here. Would you like me to pack it for you?"

"That's quite all right, I can. But thank you."

Alex goes to the bedroom to retrieve Casey's gift. She gets a tugging feeling in her chest when she enters the bedroom. It used to be her bedroom. Now it's like she's unwelcome.

Alex gets the gift box out of the top dresser drawer and grabs some of her undergarments as well. She will come back on another day that she isn't so pressed for time to get the rest of her stuff.

As Alex turns around from the dresser, Olivia hands her a red gift bag. "I picked up something for Casey. Hope she has a good birthday."

Alex smiles, taking the bag. She is proud of Olivia for taking this so well and being so cool about it. "Thank you." Alex hesitates a moment. "Would you like to come over for cake? I picked up ice cream cake."

Alex already knows what Olivia is going to say but she thought inviting her would be the right thing to do. And she really does want her to come; she still wants Olivia in her life. She's still very important to her.

Olivia smiles again. "I appreciate that but I can't make it today. I'm going to go see Noah."

Noah, the child she wants to adopt. Alex hopes that it works out for Olivia. A child would give her something other than work to focus on and look forward to.

"Do you have a picture of him?" Alex asks.

Olivia immediately whips out her phone and brings up a picture. "He's almost five. The sweetest boy ever."

Alex looks at the picture, a smile on her face. He's a cute little boy with an adorable smile.

"He's adorable Olivia. He would be lucky to have you," Alex says with a smile, and she means it.

"Thank you. I've been visiting him at his foster home. I'm going to take him to a movie tonight. You and Casey will have to meet him sometime."

Alex and Olivia chat a bit more, the atmosphere relaxing. It doesn't feel as if they just ended a six year relationship; it feels as though they are friends catching up.

When Alex gets back to Casey's apartment, Casey is laying on her couch playing her XBox One. She grins when she sees her and sits up properly. "Thought you ditched me on my birthday."

Alex sits down next to her and she immeaditely puts her head on her shoulder. Alex loves that Casey is so affectionate and always has to be touching her.

"Turn that game off. It's cake time. And I have another gift for you."

Casey turns it off and follows Alex to the kitchen where she takes the ice cream cake out of the plastic bag and puts it on the table.

Casey looks at it in approval. It's beautiful and she can't wait to dig into it.

Alex smiles and hands Casey the small gift box containing her Captain America necklace.

"Alex, I didn't need anything else."

"I wasn't planning on getting this. I got it several days ago at the mall. Couldn't resist."

Despite her protests, Casey does open the box. A huge smile spreads across her face as she removes the necklace and kisses her girlfriend. It's perfect, and she loves it.

"How much do you think I would be made fun of if I wear this to work?" she asks, clasping it around her neck.

Alex laughs. "Since when do you care about that? Anyway, it's badass, I say go for it. Oh, and I had to stop at the house to get the necklace since I forgot it there and Olivia gave this to me for you." She puts the red gift bag on the table.

Casey looks at her quizzically and opens the bag. She removes the wrapping, and pulls out a cardboard gift card holder. It's a seventy-five dollar gift card to Applebee's with a handwritten note - _Please take Alex to a nice dinner._ Casey is touched that Olivia would give her such a selfless gift, and grateful.

As they sit and eat the cake, Casey can't help but this is the best birthday she has ever had. And it has nothing to do with the insanely expensive mattress or Captain America necklace she recieved, or even the Applebees gift card.

It's because when she looks up and sees that warm smile and those beautiful sparkling blue eyes staring at her adoringly, she knows she already got the best gift ever. A gift she could never put a monetary value on.

This is what she has wanted for the last six years. What she wished for on every shooting star, every change fountain, every candle blow out, and every other cliched wishing spot. She wanted to call Alex Cabot hers, to be with her and take care of her forever.

And now that her wish has come true, she knows she will do anything to keep Alex for the rest of her life.

.2

"Why do your fitted sheets look like a five year old folded them?" Alex says, taking one out of the hallway closest and presenting it to Casey. It's wrinkled and sloppily folded, all uneven around the edges. Alex drops it on the bed next to Casey and looks at her as if she should be ashamed of herself.

"That five year old was me," Casey confesses. She shrugs. "I can't fold them. It's impossible. That's my best effort."

Looking at her, Alex chuckles. She really does look like a five year old right now. She's in her Minions pyjamas grinning goofily at Alex.

Alex picks it back up and unfolds it, splaying it out in the air. "Watch me. I will teach you."

Alex folds it gracefully and perfectly right in front of Casey's eyes. Casey watched her do it and still has no idea how she actually did it. She looks at her blankly and wonders if there is anything that Alex can't do perfectly.

Alex undoes all her perfect work and tosses the sheet at Casey. "You saw me do it- now you."

Casey throws it back at her. "Let's just decide right now that this is going to be your job. I can't do it."

Alex sighs. "Watch again." She does it again, perfectly, and again Casey doesn't have a clue. Alex then shows her step by step, and Casey shakes her head.

Alex insists, so Casey picks it up and tries to repeat what Alex just did. It results in the sheet looking worse than her original attempt.

Alex finds this amusing and sits down next to Casey, reaching up under her pyjama top and tickling her stomach. This causes Casey to lean back and start laughing. "Let me get this straight - You can stand up in court to rapists and murderer, buck up to Athur Branch, Jack McCoy and Mike Cutter, subpoena Donald Rumsfeld for God's sake, but you can't fold a fitted sheet?"

Casey's laughter subsides as Alex withdraws her hands and stops the tickle assault. "That's about right."

"You're pathetic." Alex says those two words, and then suddenly Casey is slowly easing her back on the bed. She gives no resistance and lets Casey take the helm.

Casey has her pinned, laying over top of her, their tongues fighting for dominance as they kiss. Casey stops long enough to sit up and remove her pyjama top, tossing it aside. Alex clamors to unbutton her own silk pyjama top, Casey assisting her when she takes too long. They rip a button off and Casey starts to apologize, but Alex's mouth on hers makes her quiet.

They say nothing as Casey expertly works all the areas that Alex aches for. It's like she's known Alex in this way all along.

She licks the crases of Alex's breasts, causing the blonde to moan and grip the bedsheets tightly. She gets the response she was hoping for and smiles, her confidence building as she moves downwards.

Casey is kissing her all the way - kissing her bare stomach and her waist, and after Alex manages to shake off her bottoms and panties, Casey caresses her hips and legs.

Every touch sends waves of pleasure through Alex and she moans again, her toes curling and her body arching in anticipation of what Casey is going to do to her.

Casey pauses to tease in the same way Alex had teased her. Alex groans and begs, actually taking Casey's hand and moving it where she wants it to be.

Casey bursts out laughing. "Aren't you forward, Alex."

"Casey," Alex begs in a raspy voice. "Please."

Casey knows what Alex expects her to do, but she has other plans. She locks eyes on her girlfriend and sees the desperate need, and lowers herself to Alex's core. Her soft hair touches both of Alex's inner thighs, tickling her. In a quick motion she licks all around Alex's core, careful not to enter yet but still causing pleasure.

Alex can't take it. She's even more vocal than Casey and is moaning and saying Casey's name so loudly that Casey fears the neighbors will hear and know what they are doing.

But that doesn't stop her. She circles Alex's core again and then enters with her tongue, working her tongue like she's a pro.

Alex is climaxing now, and closes her legs around Casey's head involuntarily. This feels so good and she wants it so much.

"Casey, Casey, CASEY!" Alex shrieks, coming out in a throaty rasp.

Casey pauses a moment and looks up at her screaming girlfriend, quite pleased with herself.

"God, no, Casey, Casey, don't stop! Casey don't stop!"

Casey didn't know that Alex was capable of begging. But boy is she begging now, and doing a wonderful job of it.

Casey can't torture her anymore. She goes back to giving her what she wants, working her tongue in and out of her quickly and doing things with her hands that would make a porn star blush.

Alex cums again, releasing all over Casey and the sheets but Casey doesn't flinch. She had wanted to make Alex feel this way, and she had succeeded.

When Casey finally slides out from between Alex's legs, Alex gropes at her and grabs a handful of hair, tugging on it. She's breathing so heavily thay Casey briefly fears she's going to have a heart attack.

"Jesus, Casey. Jesus," Alex manages to choke out. "Oh fuck. Oh my God."

She positions herself so she's leaning against the headboard, and roughly pulls Casey's head into her lap. She strokes her hair and tells her how much she loves her.

Alex's body is warm and clammy, covered in sweat. Casey is not vain but she is extremely proud of having done this to Alex.

"In six years, how did it not come up in conversation that you're an amazing sex goddess?" Alex traces a circle on Casey's stomach with her finger.

Casey laughs. "I do have talents outside the courtroom. And I guess it's something you don't talk about, even to your best friend."

"Well you're the queen of oversharing so I'm shocked. You are simply incredible. I think that's the best I've ever had."

Casey blushes. "Come on..."

Alex leans down and kisses the top of her head. Her hair is a mess of tangles and sweat. "It's true. And you're cute and cuddly. You're the whole package."

They remain as they are for at least a half hour, coming down from the high they just experienced. It's Casey who finally gets up and starts to get her Pjs back on.

Alex groans at the sudden loss of her girlfriend. "Casey...Come back..."

Casey laughs. "I'm flattered that you're horny and can't keep your hands off me, but get your Pjs back on. What if the building catches on fire and we have to evacuate and we're naked?"

Alex grins. "Everyone would get a free peep show, then I'd have to prosecute them for leering at my girl." She does finally move and pick her garments up off the floor. "And to think, this all started with a fitted sheet."

They get re-dressed and Casey goes to the closet.

"I want to show you something," Casey says. "You're either going to think it's super sweet or really creepy. I don't know which."

Alex raises an eyebrow, intrigued. Knowing Casey this could be anything.

Casey retrieves a plastic tote from her closet. She drops it onto the bed and gives Alex an unsure look before popping the top off.

"I know I don't outwardly seem sentimental but I always keep things given to me by people I care about. Even small, ridiculous things they may have forgotten about. I have so many cards and trinkets from Charlie. But I think I have more stuff from you than anyone else."

Casey rummages through the box and Alex feels a tug on her heart. That's so sweet. Not creepy at all. Why would Casey think that?

"It's kind of silly I kept this, but..." Casey pauses and drops part of a plaster cast on the bed. It's old and discolored and the writing is faded and partially flaked off, but they both remembered what it said.

Casey had broken her arm riding bike trails two years ago. Alex had wanted to sign her cast, and Casey had teased her, telling her she wasn't twelve and no one did that anymore. But Alex Cabot stood there and signed _"Love you, - Alex"_ and drawn a heart underneath with a black sharpie anyway; no one told her no. She was the only one who signed Casey's cast, and every time Casey had looked at it it had made her smile.

Alex smiles, picking up the peice of the cast. She laughs lightly. "I had forgotten about this. I can't believe you kept it."

Casey sits down and takes the cast from her. "It meant a lot to me. It still does." She runs her thumb over the faded writing and smiles.

Alex watches her, a warm feeling filling her. Casey is so sweet. Every day she does something to make her love her even more.

Casey sets it aside and rummages through the box some more.

She's kept every birthday and holiday card that Alex ever gave her and she hands them to Alex in a large stack. Alex looks over them, smiling at the cards she chose and the handwritten sentiments she had scrawled to her then best friend.

After Olivia, Casey was the person Alex always loved most before they got together. And she always made sure that Casey knew it.

Next Casey drops a photostrip from one of those silly photo booths onto the bed. Alex smiles as she picks it up.

This particular item she remembers. They had crammed themselves into one of those booths at the mall while Christmas shopping last year.

She looks at the picture closely. She's wearing her tan peacoat with a black scarf tied tightly around her neck. Casey has on her purple North Face jacket and a goofy floppy stocking cap with two tossels on either side.

In the first picture they are just grinning goofily at the camera. The second picture Alex has her arms around Casey and her lips pressed to her cheek. The third picture they have their arms slung around each other as if they were drunk.

The fourth picture is Alex's favorite. She had taken Casey's hat and put it on her own head and Casey is looking at her with a smile. The first time Alex saw the picture she just thought it was cute. Now, really looking at it, she can see how adoring the look really is. What Casey is really conveying looking at her in that picture.

Studying these four pictures, it looks like a happy couple having a great time taking pictures. They look like they belong together, and Alex can't stop smiling.

She looks up at Casey. "Can - Can I have this?"

Casey smiles back. "Of course you can. It's one of my favorites."

Alex can tell; the edges are bent and tattered. It's well worn, and Alex can imagine that Casey has taken it out many times and held it in her hands.

Now Alex is really curious as to what else Casey has kept. She has given her lots of things over the years. Surely she couldn't have kept all of them.

Alex really enjoys the trip down memory lane Casey is providing her with. Casey shows her other things she has given her, things Alex didn't give a second thought to, that had meant so much to Casey.

Alex places her hand over Casey's hand and catches her eyes. "My girlfriend is incredibly sweet and has the biggest heart. I'm so proud."

Casey blushes a bit but holds her gaze. She doesn't take compliments about herself easily. And being called Alex's girlfriend so suddenly is going to take some getting used to, even though it's completely natural considering they have had sex twice now.

"You've loved me for six years, haven't you?" Alex asks suddenly.

"Well, yeah. You were my best friend."

"I don't mean that," Alex says. "I mean you loved me."

Casey knows what Alex means; Alex doesn't have to say it. She looks away from Alex and nods.

Alex can see it now, all the signs she missed. Casey was always so respectful and never did anything to try and come between her and Olivia. But part of Alex wishes she had said something; maybe then Alex would be in a different place in her life.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Alex asks, her voice soft and low. She knows why but still wants to hear what Casey says.

"You were happy, Alex. I loved you enough not to mess with that. It would have only complicated things. I was afraid you couldn't handle it and wouldn't want to be my friend and I couldn't have dealt with that. Your friendship meant more to me than anything." Casey is getting choked up, and Alex picks up her hand.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. You don't have to say anything else. I'm sorry I asked." She kisses the back of Casey's soft hand and gives her a reassuring smile.

Casey shakes her head. "No, there is something I do have to tell you. You deserve to know." Alex nods, and she continues. "I never told you this, but when I came back go work after my censure it was incredibly, incredibly difficult. I know I always acted like I was handling it, but I wasn't. There was so much pressure on me, so much judgement, and I felt it all. I was afraid to say or do the wrong thing on probation. It sucked. Like, really sucked."

Alex can imagine. She always admired Casey for having the guts to come seek her job back, though she had been surprised when they actually gave it to her. She knows it's only because she's such a good prosecutor with such a high conviction rate. They wouldn't have taken just anyone back.

"I'm really embarrassed about this, but I spent a lot of time at the bar. I started drinking a lot. And then suddenly, I had you. I talked to you in the elevator and somehow we were friends. I had someone to talk to, someone who understood. I spent so much time with you that I didn't have time to go to the bar anymore. I never even thought about it anymore. But if I hadn't had you, I think I would have walked down a really bad road and things might be different for me today." She looks up at Alex, tears in her eyes. "So you see, Alex. I think you are the one who is amazing."

Alex says nothing, just pulls her into a tight embrace. It hurts her that Casey has been through so many hardships in her life. She squeezes her tight.

"I'm here now, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I never will. You never have to be alone. I love you so much, Casey. I can't even put it into words. I would be lost without you."

Alex already knows she found the person she is supposed to be with, and that she wants to spend forever with Casey. Everyday she says or does something to fill Alex's heart with even more love. When Casey isn't around, all she does is think about her and ache for her.

She is hopelessly and completely in love with her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning - this chapter gets intense.**

When Casey is concentrating on work huddled over her laptop or tablet, Alex finds her insanely attractive.

She's so cute when she's deep in thought; if she's reading she quietly mouths the words. She wrinkles her face up in concentration and if Alex looks hard enough she can see the freckles on her nose.

Alex is watching her in court right now. Unbeknownst to Casey she slipped in and is sitting in the back watching Casey be a badass.

Casey is so confident and carries herself so well in court. She's strictly business, which is a stark comparison to how she is outside of work.

No one would ever believe this take no bullshit prosecutor loves to cuddle with her girlfriend, wears Minions Pjs, loves superheroes, is an expert on the Xbox and is the goofiest person Alex knows.

Alex is the only one lucky enough to see that side of her. And she wants to be the only one. She will share this confident attorney with the rest of the world, but goofy cutesy Casey is only hers.

They have been officially dating for almost six months. Alex is completely moved out of Olivia's house, but remains friendly with Olivia. It took several weeks for Alex, Casey and Olivia to be able to sit down as friends just like they used to. After a serious heart to heart, all the awkwardness went away and suddenly they were at the familiar bar grabbing drinks like they used to do when Alex and Olivia were dating.

Olivia is working on adopting Noah and Alex has been using her influence to expedite the process. It's the least she can do for everything Olivia has done for her.

Casey finishes her closing statement and turns around, a slight look of self satisfaction on her face. Alex is familiar with this case and knows Casey is easily going to win it.

Casey immeaditely sees Alex and instantly smiles, the smile remaining on her face as she sits down. It takes everything she has not to turn around and look at Alex again.

Alex is smiling as well, and anyone who looks at her right now would easily be able to tell how in love she is by the lovestruck look on her face. Not that they hide it at all. Everyone knows they are together.

The judge calls a short recess and Casey immeaditely makes a beeline for the back row where Alex is now standing.

Casey wants to kiss her girlfriend more than anything. But they have to remain professional at work, so instead Casey greets her with, "Hey, you. Checking up on me?"

Alex straightens Casey's collar and adjusts her lapels. "Looks like I need to, look how you're dressed."

Casey looks down at her now straightened blouse and back up at Alex. "Well I have a girlfriend who looks out for me."

"Hmm. Maybe she needs to start dressing you too."

Casey grins and then her expression turns serious. "Not that I don't enjoy seeing your lovely face, but why are you here? Is something wrong?"

"Not at all. I just spoke to my father and he wants to see me for Thanksgiving. I thought maybe we could drive to his house for the three day weekend."

Thanksgivings past Alex and Olivia would usually spend it at home with Alex's dad and a slew of her relatives, but a couple years they went to her dad's house at the Hamptoms. Casey didn't really have family so Alex always made sure to include her. Casey would always come help Olivia cook, and Alex always knew Casey was incredibly uncomfortable around her relatives but she came anyway because she knew Alex wanted her to.

Casey walks back down the aisle to grab her briefcase and Alex follows. "I don't know. He doesn't like me, Alex."

Alex frowns. "That's not true, Casey."

It's true; Casey gets nervous around large groups of people she doesn't know and tends to overshare and just keep running her mouth. The Cabots especially make her nervous; they are all professional and wealthy and, Casey has felt, judgy. Casey's tendency to ramble and run her mouth always irks Alex's father.

"Well you know what he said about my censure..."

Alex nods. "Yes. And you know that I shut it down as soon as he opened his mouth."

They are out in the hallway now, and Casey motions to the nearby bench. They take a seat.

"And you know he absolutely adores Olivia."

Alex rolls her eyes. "He will absolutely adore you too, after he gets to know you. You're not my tagalong friend now, you're my girlfriend."

Casey looks at Alex with a slightly hurt expression. "Tagalong? Was that what I was?"

Alex realizes she has stepped in a steaming pile of shit and quickly backs out. "No! It's just - You know what I meant, Casey."

Casey doesn't want to go. She would very much love their first Thanksgiving as a couple to be just the two of them in her apartment, a nice meal and enjoying the time off work and the holiday parade on TV. Staying in PJs all day and taking a lazy day at home. That sounds perfect to her.

She knows she should tell Alex this; tell her she wants a low-key holiday. But she knows that Alex doesn't see her father often, and it's selfish to ask her to sacrifice seeing him just so she will be comfortable.

Ultimately, she knows she is going to do whatever Alex wants, because she loves her and wants her to be happy.

"Okay," Casey relents. "We'll go."

Alex beams and kisses her girlfriend. "Thank you, baby. We will have a great Thanksgiving."

Casey is less enthusiastic but smiles back. After all, she knows successful relationships are all about sacrifice.

"I want to take you to dinner tonight," Alex announces. "To celebrate you winning this case."

Casey frowns at her. "I haven't yet. It could go on for a couple more days at least."

"Well, I know you are going to win. Also, I just want to take my girl out. I don't have to have a reason, do I?"

Casey smiles that Casey smile that Alex likes so much. "I guess you don't. I would love dinner."

Alex knew she would break her down easily. They have both been so busy this week that they haven't gone out at all. Their time together after work has mostly just been in bed and cuddled up on the couch trying to unwind. Alex wants some quality time with her redhead.

And she has something on her mind that she wants to discuss.

.2

They go to Casey's favorite Italian restaurant. It's not the fanciest place and not somewhere Alex would have chosen. But she knows Casey loves it, and wanted to take her somewhere she likes and is comfortable at.

Cssey is wearing a blue blouse with khaki dress pants. Alex loves it when she wears that particular blouse. It fits Casey perfectly and shows off her figure. She has her Captain America necklace on and her hair seems to have extra volume and bounce.

Alex chose to wear a simple red dress and spent way more time on her hair than this date called for.

They order garlic bread and Alex chooses chicken Alfredo pasta and Casey opts for a Cesar salad.

"What do you see when you think about your future? And be honest" Casey asks suddenly, looking across the table at her girlfriend.

Alex isn't used to Casey being so serious. Blue eyes meet green and Alex finishes chewing her food before she responds.

"I see my name on the door of the District Attorney's office." Casey nods, expecting that one. "A nice big house with a pool. Maybe a dog. And you - I see you as my wife. Coming home to you every day."

Casey smiles, taking her eyes off Alex long enough to take a drink of her wine. "Your wife?"

"Yes. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I know we haven't had this discussion yet but I want to marry you someday, Casey. Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife."

It's clear that Alex has thought about this. Casey has never pictured herself as someone who would want to get married. Maybe because since Charlie she hasn't been in a relationship serious enough. She could never see the point.

But she can imagine being married to Alex. Looking at the ring on her finger every day and knowing she belonged to someone. They would no doubt have a beautiful elaborate wedding, worthy of a magazine. Casey can imagine that Alex would spare no expense.

"Is that something you would want?" Alex asks, after Casey doesn't reply.

Casey locks eyes with her to convey how happy that would make her. "More than anything in the world, yes."

Alex's smile spreads ear to ear. She was hoping Casey would say that. "What do you see for your future?"

"Being the District Attorney's wife," Casey says. "Her dragging me to all those stuffy events I hate."

Alex smiles again. "But what about you? What do you see for yourself? What do you want to do with your career?"

Casey picks at her Cesar salad, careful to avoid Alex's gaze. She hates these kinds of questions. Truth is, she doesn't know what she wants to do beyond being an Assistant District Attorney.

"Casey?"

At Alex's prompting, Casey looks up and meets Alex's warm gaze. "I'm happy where I am right now, career wise. I have no solid plans right now. I just want to see where work takes me. I know it doesn't sound exciting...but It's the truth."

Surprisingly, Alex smiles and reaches across the table to take her hand. She forces Casey to look at her again. "Casey, never feel embarrassed to tell me anything. If you are happy with your job and that's where you want to stay, I support that. There is nothing wrong with being happy where you are. I'll never be embarassed or ashamed of you, baby. Ever. I'll be proud of you and brag about you no matter what you choose to do."

They sit in silence for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. The future is something they have been thinking about a lot lately.

Normally Alex would think six months of dating is way too early to think about marriage. But it's all she's been thinking about. She's known Casey for six years; they are hardly strangers. Alex already knows Casey is the person for her.

"So you will marry me?" Alex clarifies, taking a long sip of her red wine.

Casey stares hard at her, trying to figure her out. "Are you proposing to me?" The thought is terrifying but incredible at the same time.

Alex shakes her head. "If I were to ask, it would be much more romantic. I'm just putting feelers out. I want to make sure we are on the same page about our future."

Casey couldn't be happier. She's not engaged - Not yet - but finally knows what her future holds. Alex loves her and wants her to have a place in her life forever. It's an amazing feeling, something she never thought she would feel before.

Casey Novak, the attorney everyone has always underestimated and talked about behind her back, has finally found her place in the world.

.3

The trial goes on for three more days before the jury comes back with a decision. Casey is extremely nervous, holding her pen in her fingers and clicking it nervously.

Alex watches from the gallery again. She smiles when she watches her girl doing one of her nervous tics. Casey knows Alex is there and seeks her out, and Alex gives her a reassuringly smile and a nod.

The verdict comes back - guilty. Casey lets out the breath she didnt know she was holding and smiles in satisfaction.

The family of the defendant yells and cries, something she has gotten used to and hardly fazes her now. She always avoids looking at family members. Even though she's always confident in her convictions, it's still hard to see the hurt and suffering on family's faces.

Everyone is congratulating Casey and she walks down the aisle towards where Alex is walking down towards her when suddenly someone is blocking her way.

It's the seventeen year old son of the man who was just convicted of rape and assault. His face is set in anger, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

He catches Casey off guard and she stumbles on her words. "E-excuse me. I'm on my way out."

"You fucking bitch," he spits out at her angrily. "You ruined my family and you're just going to go on your way as if nothing happened?"

Alex has reached Casey now, and she snaps her fingers to alert the bailiff that his services are needed. She grabs a hold of Casey's arm and pulls her back just as the bailiff comes up and takes custody of the boy.

"You won't get away with this!" He yells at Casey, his face contoured in anger as the bailiff restrains him. "You are so going to pay for this!"

Casey momentarily loses her composure. The confrontation scares her more than she wants to admit, but she quickly pulls herself together and forces a smile at Alex, who is on the verge of freaking out.

"Jesus Casey, are you okay?" Alex demands as she follows Casey out of the courtroom.

Casey is still shaken up but nods at Alex anyway. "I'm fine, Alex. It certainly isn't the first time something like that has happened to me, and I'm sure it won't be the last."

"He threatened you," Alex says as they step into the elevator. "I take that seriously, Casey. I wish you would too. You know what happened to me. You can't just shrug this off."

"It's the job, Alex," Casey says, glancing at her. She can't bring herself to look at the blonde. "You forget, I've been choked in the courtroom, been threatened before, beat up in my office. He was upset; his father had just been convicted. I'm not worried about it, and I don't want you to be either."

Alex doesn't accept that. As soon as the elevator doors open, she stands in front of it and crosses her arms. Casey notices she isn't walking with her anymore and sighs heavily when she sees Alex glaring at her.

"Here comes the lecture," she says, just waiting for Alex to start in on her.

Instead of lecturing her, Alex asks, "Remember the last time you got threatened? Remember what I did?"

Oh yes, Casey remembers it well. It was well before they were dating, and Casey had sat on Olivia's desk in the squadroom mortified as Alex ranted to the entire squad about what happened and ordered them to tail Casey so her best friend would be safe. She had been in full Alex Cabot mode and the detectives had known better than to resist. That rant had led to Fin personally walking Casey to her car everyday for a week, and Casey staying with Olivia and Alex for an entire week at Alex's insistence.

Yes, Alex has a tendency to overreact.

"God yes," Casey says. "Please don't do that to me again."

"Oh, it's going to be worse, because now you're my girlfriend, whom I love and don't want anything to happen to." She quickly pulls out her phone. "I'm going to call Olivia right now."

Casey rolls her eyes. She will never admit it, but thinks it's sweet how protective Alex has become over her.

She gives Alex a little wave. "Bye, babe. Gotta get back to my office. Tell Olivia I said hi." Alex is already on the phone with Olivia and Casey takes this as her opportunity to stride quickly down the hall to her office. Surprisingly, Alex doesn't follow.

Casey has a meeting with a witness from her next case in less than an hour and keeps herself busy going over her notes.

She hasn't even been in her office for a half hour when there's a knock on her door. Casey knows it isn't Alex; she would just come in.

She tells her guest to come in, and isn't surprised in the least when Olivia enters.

Olivia has the look on her face of someone who has just felt the wrath of Alex Cabot. Casey raises her hand and is immeaditely apologetic. "Olivia. I'm sorry. I'm fine, really, and there's nothing to worry about."

"Oh I'm sure you're fine. But you know that Alex knows how to worry. I have orders to escort you to your car tonight. If I'm away on a case, I have to make sure that Fin, Dom or Amanda ade able to escort you. Don't you dare leave until you let one of us know you are ready. Otherwise, I'm afraid Alex will go up for murder." She laughs lightly.

Casey laughs as well. "Oh my God, yes. That woman! She is so damn lucky I love her so much."

Casey is still a bit uncomfortable talking about her and Alex's relationship to Olivia, but if Olivia has any remaining ill thoughts she gives no indication of it.

"She just worries is all. She'll get over it in a couple days. Let me know if you need anything, okay? And for the sake of everyone, don't fight Alex on this. "

Casey agrees, smiling to herself at her girlfriend's ridiculousness as Olivia leaves her office.

.4

A week goes by and Casey is fine, just as she assured Alex she would be. Alex finally begins to accept that it was an empty threat and backs off their detectives, and life resumes as normal. Neither of them mention the threat again.

It's Friday and Alex is anxious for Casey to get home. She has a nice evening planned, and something she wants to ask Casey.

It's after nine PM and she's still at work, which is a rarity for her nowadays. She calls Alex as soon as she leaves her office on her way to the parking garage. She lets her know she is on her way and Alex tells her to come straight home. Casey can tell by her home that she has something planned.

Casey hits the unlock button on her key fob and as she approaches her car, someone steps out of the shadows.

She's immeaditely on alert, reaching into her purse for the pepper spray she keeps on her at all. She gropes for it desperately but cannot find it.

"Miss Novak," a voice says, and suddenly someone is standing in front of her, blocking the door of her car.

It's him - the seventeen year old son of her latest conviction again. She immediately feels fear and a chill go through her but knows she has to keep her composure and not let on that she's frightened.

She reaches for the car door, and he blocks her again, switching positions with her and pinning her against the car.

Casey is terrified now. She's strong, but he is definitely stronger and he holds her tight.

"Let me go," Casey rasps out, her eyes scared and desperate. "I swear to god I will scream."

He sneers at her and pulls a pocket knife put of his pocket. He flicks the blade and lowers it to her throat menacingly. "Go ahead. I'll slit your throat."

Casey's chest constricts and she looks around desperately for anyone who may be around to help her. But this time of night there are only a few cars remaining, and none of them anywhere near Casey.

"There are surveillance cameras," Casey says, looking into his dark angry eyes. "Just let me go and I'll make sure they don't come after you. I have money in my purse- take it. Take my phone, my iPad, whatever you want. Just please let me go."

He laughs in her face, removing the blade from her neck. She lets out a relieved breath, even though she is still frightened and knows she is in danger.

"I don't want to take your stuff. I want to take your life."

Casey's stomach lurches so hard she's afraid she's going to vomit. She has never been this scared before. Even being beaten in her office she hadn't been this terrified. Her hands are shaking and she thinks of anything she can say or do to get out of this situation.

He looks her up and down, waving the knife in her face as a warning not to try anything. "You're very pretty. You got anyone waiting for you at home?"

Casey nods and is finally able to find her voice. "Yes - my girlfriend. She is waiting for me."

Casey imagines not being able to get away and never going home to Alex. She imagines how devastated Alex would be, how she would blame herself and never be able to move on. A tear slides down her cheek as she thinks of how heartbroken her Alex would be.

"That blonde from the courtroom? She's very pretty too." He runs the knife under her suit jacket and pops off a button. Casey immeaditely tenses, terrified of what his intentions are. "If you want I can let you go and find her instead."

Casey talks around the lump in her throat and shakes her head. "No - Please. Don't hurt her. Please."

He smiles, obviously expecting that reaction. He pops another button off and Casey finds her opportunity as he is distracted with her suit jacket.

She raises her leg and knees him in the groin - hard. So hard he cries out in surprise and stumbles away from Casey, letting go of her long enough to allow her to grab the door handle and open the driver's side door.

She's so close - all she has to do is get inside and slam the door and speed away. Seems so easy. But he is faster than expected and grabs her again, roughly pulling her away from the car.

"Bitch! Are you fucking stupid?!" He screams at her.

Casey is in full survival mode now, doing whatever she can to stay alive. She tries to kick him, but he's holding her too tight. She stomps down on the top of his foot and it's this action that sends him over the top.

Before Casey can comprehend what is happening, he plunges the knife into her stomach. Her mind doesn't register what has happened until she looks down and sees him slide the blade out. It's covered in blood, and she immeaditely feels unpleasant searing pain.

She winces, holding her hand over the wound in her stomach and looking at her attacker desperately. She's not one to beg; she has pride. But now she pleads for her life, asking through tears for him to not kill her and to just go away.

She wants to go home to Alex. She wants to see her blue eyes again, to feel her hand in hers, to become Casey Cabot.

She doesn't want to die in this parking garage.

She's bleeding badly but manages to still try and fighr him off. But he's too strong and she's weak from pain and blood loss, and he stabs her again right next to the original wound.

She's on the ground now, blood surrounding her and the room spinning. She's close to passing out and she knows it. The pain in her stomach is terrible, and she has no idea what vital organs he may have hit but right now she is sure she is dying.

He kneels down next to her, enjoying her fright and misery. "Awww, what's the matter? Does it hurt? Are you scared?"

Casey doesn't respond to him. She curls up in a ball, trying to protect herself from being hurt further.

"Your girlfriend is going to feel what I feel. Know what it's like to lose a loved one. Because you're going to die right here."

He kicks her hard, causing her to roll onto her side. She desperately tries to roll onto her stomach, but he stabs her again, this time in the chest.

Casey immeaditely feels her breath leave her and she tries to suck in air but she can't. She knows without a doubt that he hit a lung with that one. And she is also sure that is about to die.

He says something else to her but she's too far gone to hear it. She stops struggling, rolling onto her back and gasping to breathe.

After a few minutes she loses consciousness. And her attacker finally slips away back into the shadows when he is sure she is not breathing and doesn't feel a pulse.

 **Oh No! do you think Casey will survive this? How is Alex going to react?**


	13. Chapter 13

**sorry to keep you hanging.. here is the update!**

Amanda Rollins and Dominic Carisi literally run off the elevator and into the trauma department of the hospital. They immeaditely see Olivia and run to her, looks of worry etched across their faces.

"We got here as fast as we could. Jesus, is Casey okay?" Amanda asks.

Olivia shakes her head. "She's alive, but it's not looking good. She's in surgery and has internal bleeding. They said they lost her once already and managed to get her back. If they lose her again..." she trails off, not even wanting to think about it.

She found Casey once before on the verge of death, when Casey had been beaten in her office while she went for coffee. Casey had been lucky to survive that attack without any permanent effects. Olivia can't help but think she won't be as lucky this time.

"Has anyone called Alex? Does she even know?" Amanda asks the question they all had been thinking.

"That will not be an easy phone call at all," Dominic interjects.

Olivia shakes her head. Alex doesn't deserve to hear this over the phone. Olivia can't do that to her. It has to be face to face and Olivia knows it.

"Amanda, go get Alex and bring her here. Tell her Casey is alive but nothing else. If she flips out on you - which she will - Just tell her you don't know anything more than she is alive and I asked you to bring her here," Olivia orders, running her hand through her hair. "I have to stay here. I'm Casey's blood type and she may need a transfusion."

Amanda nods and immeaditely rushes back to the elevator.

Olivia's attention is on Dominic now. "I need you and Fin to pull the surveillance footage from the parking garage. I think I know who did this but we need proof. Do it quickly, please. I dont want him out on the street another minute more than he has to be. I want his ass brought in as soon as you look at that footage."

.2

Alex opens the door and is puzzled to see Amanda standing outside her door. She blinks, her mind going over every possibility and stopping on one that makes her heart leap into her throat.

Casey. Something happened to Casey.

Alex knows it before Amanda says anything. She should have been home by now, or should have called, and Amanda wouldn't be here with that sympathetic look on her face if something hadn't happened.

Alex can barely speak. She feels all the color drain from her face and she grips the door frame tightly. "Amanda," she finally manages to say. "What happened to Casey?"

Amanda doesn't wait for an invitation inside the apartment. Instead she steps past Alex and when Alex turns around her face is full of terror and sadness. "Amanda! What is going on?"

"Get your coat. I need to take you to the hospital. Olivia is there, she asked me to come get you."

Amanda didn't answer her question and every second that goes by Alex becomes even more terrified. If something happened to her Casey, she doesn't know what she would do.

"Amanda! What happened to Casey?!"

"She was attacked in the parking garage. An employee of the DA's office found her. She's alive but that's all I know. Now I need to get you to the hospital immeaditely."

Alex senses the urgency and grabs her purse and jacket. Her hands are shaking; actually her entire body is trembling. Casey was attacked. Hospital. Those are the worst words she could have ever heard.

Alex pelts Amanda with questions all the way down to her car. She gets in the passenger side and as soon as Amanda gets in the car she starts back up.

"How was she attacked? What happened?" she asks again, knowing that Amanda knows more than she is letting on.

But Amanda won't say anymore than she already has, and Alex slumps against the cold car window. They ride in silence, Alex scared to death and her heart feeling like it's in a vice grip.

She knew she should have insisted that Casey still be escorted to her car. She should have been more forceful to keep Casey safe. If their roles had been reversed, Casey would have personally walked Alex to her car every night. What a fool Alex was to believe Casey was no longer in danger. Of all people, Alex should have known better.

She knows this is her fault.

The ride to the hospital is the longest car ride that Alex has ever endured. She's crying by the time they arrive; crying in fear of what may have happened.

For the first time in her life, she doesn't care about keeping her composure or remaining professional.

Amanda escorts Alex to the surgery waiting room, where Olivia stands and immeaditely embraces Alex. She apologizes profusely, as if what happened is her fault.

But Alex knows it's her fault and no one else's.

"Please, Olivia, tell me what happened. Where is she now? Can I see her?"

Olivia takes Alex's hand and guides her to sitting down in one of the chairs and Olivia sits beside her. She keeps a hold of her hand and looks her in the eyes so that Alex knows she is telling her the truth.

Olivia knows she can't hold anything back. Alex deserves to know what happened, and she knows Olivia well enough to know when she is hiding or lying about something.

"I didn't get to see her, Alex. She was already in surgery when I got here."

Alex swallows harshly. "Surgery?"

Olivia sighs. "The trauma doctor I spoke with said she was stabbed at least three times. Twice in the stomach and once in the chest. She lost a lot of blood."

Alex covers her mouth with her hand. She feels dizzy and sick, like this is all a dream. Her heart rate picks up and when she speaks again it is through tears. "Oh my God...my Casey. What kind of surgery are they doing? How bad is it? Is she going to be okay? When can I see her?"

Olivia tries to answer every question. "I don't know exactly what they are doing. I was told someone would be out to talk to me an hour ago. The only status I heard before that was she is bleeding in her stomach and they were having a hard time stopping it. I don't know what the damage is, only that she wasn't breathing on her own when they brought her in...and that her heart stopped, but they were able to resuscitate her."

Those words scare Alex more than anything else in this world ever has. She's been terrified before, but never like this. The girl she loves was stabbed and left for dead, and her heart actually stopped. She was dead. There had been a real possibility that she could have lost her.

And Alex had been sitting at home, watching the news and working on next week's cases, completely oblivious to what her girl was going through.

Alex doesn't respond to Olivia; she can't. She sits there staring at her, and then at Amanda who has taken a seat on the other side of her. They both wear sympathetic expressions, the kind reserved for the victims they work for.

Without a word, Alex gets up from her seat and strides purposefully out of the surgery waiting room and to the nurse's station outside the doors. She walks right up to the counter and doesn't wait to be addressed. "Excuse me, I need information."

A young nurse with dark hair turns around. She smiles and tells Alex her name is Liz and asks how she can help her.

Alex doesn't have time for pleasantries. "My girlfriend was brought here after being stabbed and is in surgery. I need to know exactly what they are doing and when I can talk to her doctor. I need to know if she's okay."

Amanda and Olivia have appeared behind Alex, but neither try and interfere. Liz asks some questions and types information into her computer.

It's taking too long to get answers, and Alex nervously drums her fingers on the counter.

Finally, Liz looks up at her. "She is currently still in surgery. I'm sorry, but there's no other information. Someone will come out and talk to you when surgery is completed."

That's unacceptable, and Alex is about to let everyone know it. She feels emotion bubbling up inside her and can't hold it back.

"That's my girlfriend. I have a right to know what they are doing to her! I need to know she's okay!" She's getting worked up, and feels her heart rate increasing so quickly she can feel it pounding in her ears.

She's crying, not even realizing she had been doing so. She grips the counter top, feeling dizzy and unsteady. She's sobbing so hard she can't catch her breathe.

Liz apologizes to her, genuinely sorry she can't help her further. Alex shakes her head and through tears she says, "Not good enough! She's my whole world; I love Casey!"

Olivia and Amanda grab Alex and drag her away from the counter. She's fighting them off, sobbing and screaming that she needs to know if Casey is okay.

Everyone is staring at the scene she is making and Amanda apologizes for her. "Someone she loves is in surgery. I'm sorry."

Olivia puts her hand on Alex's back and leads the sobbing hysterical blonde back through the surgery waiting room doors. As soon as they enter again, Alex grabs a nearby garbage can and vomits into it.

Olivia rubs her back and tries to communicate to Amanda with her eyes to get Alex sitting down. But making Alex Cabot do something she doesn't want to do is pretty much impossible.

But Alex does sit, leaning forward and holding her head in her hands. She's still crying, Amanda and Olivia's attempt at comfort doing nothing to soothe her nerves.

They let Alex cry it out; they both know that's what is best. Alex feels exactly how she should feel, how anyone would feel when faced with the possibility of losing the person they love most in the world.

When her tears finally subside, Alex sits upright and looks at Olivia. Her normally sparkling blue eyes are dull and lifeless, and profoundly sad. Her cheeks and eyes are red and puffy from crying, and she has the hiccups.

Olivia gives her a smile, at a loss as to what else to do. She knows nothing she can say or do will make this better for Alex, or for any of them.

"I was going to propose to her tonight," Alex says softly, staring straight ahead and wringing her hands together. Olivia and Amanda both look at her. "I hired a band to play at midnight in Central Park and got the maintenance department to string up lights and make it romantic and beautiful. We were going to go for a walk there, and I was going to propose under the stars with the band playing...it was going to be perfect."

She wipes her eyes in vain and more tears just pour out. She is completely crushed. Just an hour ago she was excited to start this new journey. And now she's sitting in the surgery waiting room while her girl fights for her life.

This is so unfair. Casey is the least deserving of this; why does something always have to come between them and their happiness?

"Alex," Olivia says softly, rubbing her back gently. "That sounds beautiful. Casey would have loved it. You can do it again. You'll get a chance."

Amanda puts her hand on Alex's knee and agrees. "That's right, she will pull through. She's one tough chic and we all know it. She will be right back to kicking our asses in no time."

Despite her sadness, Alex smiles back. "She's good at that, isn't she?"

Olivia and Amanda know this is a good thing; to talk about Casey positively. "Yes she is," Olivia agrees. "She keeps us in line, just like you. I wonder who she learned it from?"

Alex shakes her head. "She learned nothing from me. She was already a great prosecutor. She is the one who taught me. How to not be so serious, how to enjoy life, how to be soft when I need to be. I - I don't know what I would do without her."

A single tear slides down her cheek as she takes a small velvet box out of her purse. She flips it open and presents a ring to Amanda and Olivia. "This is her ring. Do you think she would have liked it?"

The stone is diamond, lined with Emerald and Sapphire, Casey and Alex's birth stones. They blend into one with gold stones around them. The ring is absolutely gorgeous, and Olivia can't help but think it probably cost Alex three months salary, if not more.

"It's absolutely beautiful. She will love it, Alex. She will love it, and she will say yes," Olivia assures her

It's the most expensive item Alex has ever bought. She had it custom made in Casey's exact size and couldn't wait to put it on her finger. She had been on pins and needles all day, anxiously awaiting the moment that Casey said yes to her.

But now the future is uncertain again.

After what seems like hours, a doctor comes out to talk to Alex, Olivia and Amanda. The solemn look on his face and the way he takes off his scrub cap before he talks makes Alex's stomach twist in knots. He introduces himself and asks them to sit down, and Alex knows immeaditely that it's not good news.

"She's alive, that's the good news," Dr. Brown says, looking directly at Alex as he speaks. "She is still in surgery right now. She has a punctured lung which we we are going to treat with a chest tube for now and give the lung a chance to repair itself. Our biggest concern is the internal bleeding. She's bleeding out into her stomach quite rapidly and so far we have not been able to stop it. She was stabbed twice, one of the stab wounds preferated her small intestines and the damage was so severe we had to resect a portion of her intestines. A gastro specialist will see her over the next couple of days to determine if any further operations are needed; we just don't know at this time." He stops talking and lets his words sink in.

Alex is scared to death, and has seeked out Olivia's hand without even knowing it. She squeezes it hard.

"Her body has been through a lot of trauma and we cannot have her under for much longer. Her heart is being overworked and we lost her once but were able to get her back. Our efforts to resuscitate her has put more strain on her body. If we lose her again, we won't be able to get her back."

Alex feels like someone has reached in her chest and is squeezing and twisting her heart. She lets out an involuntary cry and manages to ask, "What can you do to stop the bleeding?"

"We are doing absolutely everything we can for her. But if the bleeding does not stop, there is nothing more we can do." He locks eyes with Alex, letting her know how serious this is. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's wait and see now. I have to get back, but we wanted to give you an update."

He apologizes again and Olivia thanks him for the update. Her attention is immeaditely back on Alex, who is on the verge of breaking down.

"Oh my god," Alex sobs. "What if she dies?"

Olivia pulls her into an embrace, Alex sobbing so hard she shakes both of them. "She's not going to die, Alex. She's strong. She will make it."

But there is no comforting Alex right now. She is devastated and heartbroken, and has no idea what she will do if Casey doesn't make it. And if Casey does make it, she's going to have a long tough road to recovery.

"I want you to find him," Alex says, wiping her eyes with a tissue Amanda hands to her.

Olivia knows what Casey means and nods in understanding. "Carisi and Fin are pulling the surveillance footage."

Alex keeps her eyes locked on Olivia's and says her next sentence very carefully. "I want him caught, and I want ten minutes alone with him."

 **Predictions? suggestions? What do you think will happen to our girls now?**


	14. Chapter 14

_Alex knocks lightly at the guest room door. She knows Casey is in there; she saw her car in the driveway. Casey always comes and lies in their guest room when she's upset about something. She knows she is always welcome at Alex and Olivia's house and just being around her friends always makes her feel better._

 _Casey tells Alex to come in, and when she does she finds her best friend lying on her side staring at the TV. She hasn't even bothered to change out of her stuffy clothes from work._

" _Hey, you," Alex greets, sitting down the bed. "Tough case?"_

 _Casey rolls onto her back and looks at her blonde friend. "No. Tough life."_

 _Alex frowns, not liking to hear Casey say that. Casey is one of the happiest people she knows, and she hates it when she doesn't see that fire in her eyes and when she's sad._

 _Alex smiles sympathetically. "What's wrong?"_

 _Casey sits up, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Me and Nikki broke up."_

 _"Oh," is all Alex says right away. She isn't surprised; she saw that one coming from a mile away. Nikki was bossy and always telling Casey what to do, and didn't approve of her friendship with Alex. Alex strongly disliked her and took every opportunity to let Casey know that._

 _Alex is glad in a way, but she knows that break ups are hard and she feels sorry for her best friend. "I'm sorry, Casey."_

 _Casey smiles. "No you're not. You hated her."_

 _"Hate is a strong word, but I didn't like her," Alex agrees. "But I know you liked her and that you're sad, and that makes me feel bad."_

 _"It's okay. I didn't love the girl. I'm sad, yes, but not really because of her. It's just because things never seem to work out for me in the love department. I always end up with someone completely wrong for me and it never lasts more than a couple months. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm defective or if I don't know how to love."_

 _Alex knows that isn't true at all. Casey has been her best friend for six years and she loves her dearly. Casey is affectionate, protective, supportive and always knows the right thing to say when Alex needs someone to lift her spirits. They love each other like sisters; Alex knows that Casey definitely knows how to love._ _If she wasn't with Olivia, Casey is the only other person she would want to be with._

 _There's so much wrong with what you just said," Alex tells her. "I hope you don't believe the bullshit you just spewed."_

 _Casey looks at her, surprised. It's not unusual for Alex to be blunt, but it is unusual for her to say something like that when Casey is upset._

 _"I'm serious," Alex says sternly. "Don't think that way about yourself. It makes me mad. You're my favorite person in the world. And you really don't know how incredible you are, do you?"_

 _Casey thinks about what Alex just said. Her favorite person in the world. She knows that isn't true - that Olivia is her favorite person - but Alex stated it like a fact so Casey chooses to accept it as such._

 _W_ _hen Casey doesn't answer, Alex goes on. "You're amazing. I've never really had a close friend, let alone a best friend, until you. You're so easy to talk to, and fun. You're always there for me. You're smart and stubborn and really piss me off sometimes at work but I really wouldn't choose anyone else to be my best friend. You're not defective, Casey. You just haven't found the right person for you yet." She reaches out and takes Casey's hand. "But I know you will someday and you will be happy for the rest of your life."_

 _Casey's eyes shine with tears. She knows she has already found the person for her; she's looking into her beautiful blue eyes right now. She loves Alex more than she thought was ever possible and the knows she could be happy with her for the rest of her life._

 _But Alex is with Olivia, and Casey knows she is happy. She can't and she won't do anything to come between them. As much as she loves Alex and as much as her heart hurts that she can't be with her, she knows it's the right thing to do._

 _Casey smiles, trying to hide how much her heart aches for her friend. "Thank you, Alex. You're a really great friend. I love you."_

 _"I love you too," Alex says with a smile. She playfully slaps Casey's shoulder. "Liv and I are going to a movie. You want to come?"_

 _"No, you guys go ahead. I want to feel sorry for myself right now. I'll raid your fridge and then go home."_

 _Alex smiles again. "Help yourself. We will be back later."_

 _Casey_ _waits until Olivia and Alex have left. Then she goes into their room and lies on Alex's side of the bed, clutching Alex's favorite pillow that smells like her perfume and burying her face into it, breathing deeply. She hugs it close to her chest and falls asleep._

The wait to hear if Casey made it through surgery is longest most excruciating wait Alex has ever endured. She spends the time reliving memories of Casey, thinking about all the times she should have picked up on the signs that Casey was in love with her. And should have known she had loved her too.

If only she hadn't been so oblivious.

About an hour later it's Dr. Brown who comes to talk to them again, and this time he looks optimistic. He tells them that Casey made it through surgery and is stable but not out of the woods.

They were able to stop the bleeding in her stomach; however, the surgery was more invasive than they thought it was going to be and had to place more than forty surgical sutures in the lining of her stomach to keep it from tearing again. Dr. Brown tells them the sutures will dissolve over time but that Casey has to be closely monitored to make sure they hold and she doesn't begin to bleed out into her stomach again. Alex is told Casey will have unpleasant lingering pain in her stomach as a result for a couple months.

They had to remove a small portion of her intestines and they won't know the full effect or if she needs further surgery until the gastro specialist sees her within the next couple of days. Alex's concern is if Casey will be able to eat normally; she is told she will eventually, but it will be a long road to get there and that the specialist will put her on a special diet plan while she heals.

She has to have the tube in her chest for the next couple of days to relive air pressure in her punctured lung. It is the least severe of all her injuries, but has the potential to be life threatening if the lung doesn't heal correctly.

All in all, Casey has a tough road ahead of her with the possibility of more surgeries and pain to deal with while she heals. Alex knows she will be on pain meds but also knows they can only do so much, and doesn't like the idea of her Casey being in pain. She knows it's unavoidable but it still breaks her heart nonetheless.

Casey is going to be in the hospital a minimum of a week and a half, possibly longer if there are complications or if she needs more surgery. She will be off work for six weeks, possibly longer. She's going to hate that, and Alex can already see a fight coming about it.

Alex has already phoned Mike Cutter and informed him that she is taking her personal time to be with Casey until further notice.

"Can I see Casey now?" Alex asks anxiously, wanting to see Casey for herself and see with her own eyes that is alive and okay.

"A nurse will come take you to her room as soon as she's settled in the ICU. She's still out at the moment."

So it's another wait before Alex is allowed to see her girlfriend. The mood in the room is lighter now that they know Casey pulled through. Olivia steps out to make some phone calls but Amanda remains with Alex, trying to say optimistic things and put her mind at ease.

Finally, after what seems like days, a friendly nurse named Bridget comes into the waiting area. "Alex Cabot?"

Alex stands immeaditely. "Yes. I'm Alex. Can I see Casey now?"

Bridget smiles and tells Alex she will take her to her room.

Alex follows, her heart in her throat. She is beyond happy that Casey is alive and she is about to see her, but she's afraid for what she's doing to have to go through. She knows it's going to be a very tough recovery for her girl.

Bridget tells Alex that Casey is awake but very groggy, and that she may not seem herself or remember what happened to her at first. She cautions her not to be concerned, that this behavior is to be expected following surgery. She tells Alex that Casey may fall back asleep and if she does not to wake her and let her sleep it off.

They stop outside room number 234 in the ICU and Alex stands nervously outside the door, wringing her hands together as she hesitates. Bridget offers her a smile and tells her she can go ahead and enter, and when Alex does she walks slowly and carefully, as if not to startle Casey.

She can hear the steady beep of the machines Casey is hooked up to as she enters. Her eyes immeaditely go to the bed, where Casey is awake but appears very confused. Her eyes lock on Alex and recognition falls over her face when she sees Alex.

"Hi, baby," Alex says softly, sitting down next to her bed and taking her hand. The sight of the tube in her chest and Casey's more pale than usual face just shatters her heart. She wanted to remain strong for Casey, but she can't help the tears running down her face. "Sweetheart, I love you so much." She reaches out and touches Casey's cheek. "I'm here, baby. I'm so glad you're okay."

"Alex," Casey manages, her voice hoarse and her throat dry. She squeezes Alex's hand. She is confused and hurting, not remembering at first what put her here. She is blinking rapidly and looking at Alex like she can't believe she's actually there.

Alex forces a smile. She can't stop touching her. She came so close to losing her. The thought of Casey not being here terrifies Alex and she thinks if she keeps touching her it will keep her with her.

She strokes her forehead softly, her blue eyes conveying love to Casey. She tries to smile but she's so broken that she cries instead.

"Am I alive?" Casey asks softly, so softly that Alex almost doesn't hear her.

Alex flashes another broken smile. "Yes, baby, you're alive. You're in the hospital, and I'm with you."

Casey is completely out of it, just as the nurse had cautioned Alex. She doesn't press her to talk, just holds onto her tight and keeps telling her she is there.

Casey winces and shifts around in the bed. "I hurt...And I'm tired."

"I'll have the doctor get you something for pain, baby. Just lie back and go to sleep. You're groggy and confused from surgery. You will feel better in a couple hours." She leans down and kisses her again.

Casey already has her eyes closed again and Alex wishes her to sleep. She needs to sleep off the lingering anesthesia still in her system.

Thankfully she falls asleep within seconds. As soon as she's back asleep, a different nurse comes into the room. Alex tells her she had been awake.

"She said she was in pain, can you get her something for that?" Alex asks, her look stern and no nonsense.

The nurse nods. "She already has a low dosage of pain meds going into her IV but it's kept low because the anesthesia is still in her system. When she awakens again we will be able to increase it."

Alex doesn't respond; her attention is back on her sleeping beautiful girlfriend. Alex's stomach is in knots as she continues to stroke her forehead.

Very carefully and slowly, Alex lifts up Casey's gown so she can access her injuries. What she sees makes her want to throw up. Casey's abdomen is lined with surgical sutures, the two stab wounds dressed and covered. Alex runs her fingers over the sutures, her heart breaking as she realizes the extent of what they had to do to fix and save her girl.

"Visiting hours are over at eight," the nurse reminds. "Anything I can get you?"

Alex has no intentions of obeying visiting hours. She isn't leaving her girlfriend to sleep alone in the hospital. She's never letting her out of her sight again.

"I'm not leaving her," Alex announces, resuming the stroking of Casey's forehead. She knows she isn't going to leave her side for even a minute while she's here. "You can get me a blanket, please."

"We do not allow anyone to remain with patients outside of visiting hours in the ICU," the nurse explains.

"I don't care what you do or do not allow," Alex says, her voice stern. She leans down and kisses Casey's forehead again. "She's my girlfriend and I won't let her be alone and scared. Me staying with her is hardly going to interfere with anything you have to do."

Alex tucks the blanket around Casey gently. It's not very thick and she can't help but think that Casey is going to get cold. "Bring another blanket for her too please. She gets cold easily. I want her to be warm and comfortable."

Alex's heart is breaking because she wants to make this all better, but knows she can't do any more than what she is doing now. Casey is going to wake up again and remember what happened to her, is going to have to relive it in a statement to the police, and be in pain. She wishes with everything she has that she could take her place and do more than just sit next to her and hold her hand. It's not enough.

"I can bring you blankets, ma'am, but I cannot allow you to remain in this room past eight PM."

At the passage of those words, Alex lets go of Casey's hand and stands up. She faces the nurse, her expression set and serious. She's about to bring down the wrath of Alex Cabot. "Then you get me your supervisor. I am not asking permission; I am telling you that I will not leave my girlfriend."

Alex stands her ground, knowing perfectly well that if their roles were reserved, Casey would not leave her no matter what the consequence.

The nurse looks into Alex's eyes and sees there is no room for argument and that any opposition would be in vain. Alex has made a decision, a declaration, and nothing could be done about it.

The nurse nods and after checking Casey's vitals, she gives Alex a glare and slips out of the room, leaving them to their privacy.

.2

Casey sleeps for about two more hours. In that span of two hours, different doctors and nurses all pop in to check on Casey. Alex is told by more than one medical professional that feeling nauseous following surgery is very common but that if Casey experiences it they need to know right away. Alex is told that Casey absolutely cannot get sick; doing so would surely rip sutures in her stomach and require emergency surgery to repair.

Alex spends those two hours in that chair by Casey's bed, holding her hand.

When she opens her eyes again, her eyes are less glassy and she is able to focus on Alex.

Alex looks into her eyes with a smile and sees that Casey is really there this time. She's coherent and aware.

"Alex," Casey says, squeezing Alex's hand tightly. "I am so glad to see you. I - I am so glad you're here."

Alex leans forward and captures Casey's mouth with hers, the kiss long and as passionate as it could be for being in a hospital.

The events of the previous night slowly comes back to Casey. She remembers her injuries, and pulls the blanket back and looks at the tube in her chest. She fingers the bandage wrapped tightly around the opening of the tube and looks at Alex for answers.

"You have a punctured lung. The tube has to stay in for a couple days, but you're going to be okay," Alex explains.

Casey then lifts up her gown and touches the surgical sutures all over her stomach.

Alex swallows harshly. "You have sutures inside your stomach too. You were bleeding internally."

A feeling of nausea washes over her as she thinks about what Casey had to endure. Being stabbed and lying in that parking garage alone. She had to have been in pain, and absolutely terrified.

"They had to cut you open and fix you up," Alex says, her voice laced with emotion as her hand comes to rest over Casey's atop the sutures. "But they did a good job."

"H-how bad? Did he hurt me bad?"

"They had to remove some of your intestines, honey," Alex says, smoothing Casey's hair back and planting a kiss to her forehead. "You will have to be on a special diet for awhile. But you're going to recover."

Alex's emotions takes over and she kisses Casey again gently, hanging onto her hand. She isn't going to let her go; she can't.

Suddenly, Casey says, "I took your iPad to work. I think he may have taken it. The car was unlocked. I'm sorry."

Alex can't believe her ears. Everything that happened to Casey, and she's worried about an iPad being taken?

"I don't care about that. I can replace my iPad. I can't replace my Casey, and you're all I care about," Alex tells her. She takes her hand and holds it tightly, meeting her eyes. "Casey, who did this to you?"

Alex knows. everyone knows. Fin and Carisi were able to get the surveillance footage pulled and it clearly showed what happened. Her attacker did nothing to try and hide his identity. Olivia had called Alex to let her know they have a warrant for the boy who attacked her and are actively looking for him.

Casey's eyes are full of sadness. "The boy from the courtroom. Norman Trussel's son. He said he was going to take my life. I - I have never been so scared, Alex."

Alex squeezes her hand. "It's okay, honey. We don't have to talk about it right now. The police are going to need a statement but I made it clear only when you're ready. I'll sit here with you the whole time, okay?"

Casey nods, grateful for Alex's overprotectiveness at this moment. "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. That I gave you such a hard time about wanting protection for me, that I fought you so hard and told you were ridiculous. You were right and after being attacked in my office, I should have known better. I'm so sorry, Alex."

"It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. For not insisting you be protected longer, or coming to pick you up myself." Alex's chest tightens when she thinks about that night. "I had something special planned for you and I should have come and picked you up from work."

Casey smiles that beautiful Casey smile at Alex, making all her sorrow vanish in an instant. "We're pathetic, aren't we?"

Alex can't help but laugh. An easy, happy, relieved laugh that feels good. "Hell yeah we are."

"Don't think for one minute that it's your fault," Casey says. "It's just something that happened that we can't change. You know he will be caught and he will pay. We just have to move on somehow."

Alex knows just how much he is going to pay. She is going to put everything she has into destroying him. She can't personally prosecute the case and she knows it, but she will be pulling strings behind the scenes and will make sure he never sees life outside of a jail cell again. He tried to kill her Casey, and no one even thinks of doing that without severe consequences.

.3

The rest of the day is a flurry of activity.

The gastro specialist is scheduled to see Casey the next day and plenty of blood is drawn and Casey is pelted with a million questions. She is taken to get an MRI. And, eventually, she gives her statement to the police under the strict supervision of Alex, who is in full Alex Cabot mode making sure her girlfriend isn't needlessly upset.

By the time the evening comes around, Casey is understandably exhausted. She's lost her patience for all the poking and prodding they have been doing to her and just wants to rest and not be asked any questions.

It's well after eight PM and no one has asked Alex to leave or questioned why she is still there. Lucky for them.

Casey is readjusting her position in the bed, trying to get comfortable. But nothing helps. The bed is uncomfortable, she can't move much wirh the chest tube in, and her stomach hurts.

Without giving it a second thought, Alex takes off her shoes and very carefully climbs into bed with Casey. Casey scoots over to allow her room and once Alex lies back on the pillow, Casey lies across her chest. Alex immediately wraps an arm around her and starts stroking her hair.

She knows Casey is in some pain, despise the powerful pain meds. Casey is not a complainer but Alex can tell.

"You don't have to stay here. Go home. I'll be fine," Casey says.

"Absolutely not. I am not leaving you, Casey."

Casey smiles, expecting and hoping for that answer. "You're going to get in trouble. You can't be in bed with me."

"Who, me? In trouble? Who would dare tell me I can't do something?" Alex asks lightly.

Casey nuzzles into her chest and enjoys the feel of Alex against her. She thought she would never feel this again.

"I was so sure I was dying," Casey tells her. "I couldn't breathe and I hurt so much. I thought I was dead when I woke up and saw you, because you were what I wished so hard to see. I wished to see you one last time before I died."

Alex feels her eyes well up and she kisses Casey's head. "Baby...I'm never leaving you. You're going to see me every day, okay? I'm going to get so annoying."

"They told me my heart stopped. That they had to resuscitate me. But I don't remember it."

Alex frowns. "You wouldn't honey, you were under for surgery. And it's a good thing you can't remember. They brought you back and that's what is important."

The fact that Casey actually did die is more terrifying to Alex than anything, and something she wishes that Casey hadn't been told. She has enough on her mind to deal with.

"Alex, my stomach hurts bad," Casey finally says after a long period of silence.

Alex kisses her again, her heart breaking once more. "I know, sweetheart." Her finger seeks out the call button on the bed and she presses it. "I'll ask them to give you more pain meds."

Casey holds her stomach gently, feeling the sutures. "Did they say how many stitches are inside?"

"Forty," Alex tells her. "They will dissolve so you don't have to be cut open to remove them."

Casey sighs, seeking out Alex's hand and intertwining their fingers together. "What if I can never eat Chinese again. Jesus, they took some of my intestines!"

"You'll be able to. Not right away, but you will be able to," Alex assures her.

"A neighbor of mine once lost some of her intestines and had to be on a liquid diet forever and had to go to the hospital monthly to get her bowels flushed because they didn't function properly anymore."

That scares Alex, but she doesn't let on. "Be positive. That isn't going to happen to you, okay? You haven't even seen the specialist yet. Let's just wait to see what he says. Let's not worry or jump to conclusions." Alex kisses her again. "What you need to do, Casey Novak, is relax and let me take care of you. I took some personal time off work so you are stuck with me."

Casey doesn't repsond but she has a light smile on her face as the nurse on duty, Katie, responds to the call button.

She sees Alex in bed with Casey and disapproval comes over her face. "We are bending the rules to let you sleep in here, but you can't be in bed with her. She can easily be further injured right now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to move to the chair."

Alex and Casey both look at her. Alex keeps stroking Casey's hair, making no attempt to move. She has respect for rules...when they make sense. Letting Casey lay on her in bed is hardly going to hurt her.

"Please," it's Casey who speaks this time. She squeezes Alex's hand tightly. "Let her stay. I really need her right now. Please."

Casey's voice is so sad and heartbreaking that Katie gives in. She cautions them both to be extremely careful and adjusts Casey's IV so she's getting a higher dosage of pain meds.

When they are alone again, Casey raises her head and with that lopsided smile, tells Alex, "You are such a bitch."

Alex smiles. "I'm your bitch, though."

Casey falls asleep when the increase in pain meds hits her. Alex doesn't move; she remains holding her, knowing it will wake Casey if she were to move at all.

She only moves slightly when her phone vibrates on the table beside them. Very carefully she reaches for it, and sees that she has a text message from Olivia.

 _We have him in custody. Thought you would want to know_.

 **They got him! Predictions?** **also need advice from my readers. I am struggling as whether or not Alex should tell Casey about the proposal she had planned, or wait until she's well and can plan it again. What do you think?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to my readers! glad you are enjoying this story.**

Casey doesn't get much sleep her first night in the hospital. She's in a lot of pain despite the pain meds, and every hour a nurse comes into the room to check her vitals. The constant beep of the monitors she is hooked up to drive her nuts. And she can't find a comfortable position with the chest tube in.

Alex stays in bed with her all night, holding her. She tries to soothe her back to sleep every time she wakes, but it's in vain.

Neither of them get any sleep and Alex knows the next day is going to be a long one.

Promptly at seven AM they are greeted with the friendly face of a way too cheerful for this early in the morning nurse named Erin.

She regards them both with a smile and announces that Casey has to try and eat breakfast.

Alex gets out of the bed after kissing Casey and excuses herself to the restroom while Erin talks to Casey about what she can eat.

Alex returns just in time to hear Casey say she isn't hungry. She sits down in the chair and looks at Erin. "What is she able to eat right now?"

"Liquid diet, at least until she sees the specialist and gets on a meal plan. She can have clear liquids and we have a special protein rich drink I will bring her. It's a bit more nutritious than just water or clear soda."

Alex looks at Casey. "You hear that, you can have clear soda. You like 7-Up. I'll get you some today." She turns her attention to Erin. "Can she have apple juice as well?" Erin nods, and Alex knows she's going to get her some apple juice and 7-Up before the day is over.

"I don't feel hungry but I feel like I should," Casey says. "I haven't eaten since early yesterday."

"You won't feel hungry for awhile. I will tell you it will be a chore to make yourself eat but you're going to have to, especially when you get back on solid foods." She looks at Casey's chart. "Looks like you're set to see the gastro specialist at ten. He will look at your MRI and be able to give you a lot more information. His name is Dr. Lawson and he's very knowledgeable; you will like him."

Erin brings Casey the "hospital cocktail" and Casey looks at it as if it's radioactive. It's clear and sparkling but has an unpleasant odor and she wrinkles up her face.

"Casey," Alex groans. "Drink it. I'll go to the cafeteria and get you some 7-Up and apple juice if you're a good girl and drink it all."

Casey makes a face at her. She looks at Erin in amusement. "The fact that you brought it to me in a sippy cup concerns me."

"It's a tumbler," Alex corrects her. "No more stalling; drink it."

As Casey drinks it, Alex can't help but feel immense pride towards Casey. She is hurt badly and in pain, and yet she can still joke around and is pleasant to be around. She knows if she were in Casey's place she definitely wouldn't have such a good attitude.

It takes Casey a few minutes but she does manage to drink it all, and hands the empty tumbler back to Erin with a disgusted look on her face.

"When can she eat actual foods?" Alex asks.

Erin is writing something on Casey's chart and doesn't look up at her. "That's going to be up to the specialist. It's hard to say."

Not even an hour after Casey has had the drink, she starts to complain the pain in her stomach is worse than when she woke up.

Her doctor does not seem concerned and says he had anticipated she would have an increase in pain.

"Can you make it stop?" Casey asks, wincing. "It feels like I swallowed razor blades."

Casey is told she is maxed out on pain meds and Alex immeaditely puts her hand on her stomach and rubs gently. "Baby, just relax. I'll make it better, sweetie."

Alex's heart breaks. She knows if Casey is complaining, then the pain must be really bad.

Casey closes her eyes and says nothing further as Alex continues to rub her stomach gently. When she stops Casey opens her eyes and Alex kisses her. "Does that feel any better sweetheart?"

Casey nods, her eyes showing gratefulness for Alex. She is such a comfort, and she has no idea what she would do without Alex.

Casey reaches up and strokes Alex's hair. "I love you, Alex Cabot."

Alex gives her a smile she reserves only for Casey and another kiss. "I love you more, Casey Novak."

Casey starts to feel nauseous soon afterwards. This gets Dr. Brown concerned and he orders the on duty nurse to get Casey a shot of Phengren, which will prevent her from vomiting. Luckily, the shot is in time and works.

The shot makes Casey groggy so she sleeps until the specialist comes to see her.

Dr. Lawson greets Casey and Alex both and pulls up a stool from nearby so he can sit and talk to them.

Alex likes him right away. He is including Alex in everything he says, speaking to her like she's Casey's family, which she is. Some people are uncomfortable because they are a gay couple and speak only to Casey. But Dr. Lawson makes sure he includes Alex in everything.

The news isn't good. Casey is going to need more surgery. Dr. Lawson informs them that he could see in the MRI a section of Casey's intestines that isn't getting blood flow and is basically dead and will have to be removed as soon as possible.

Alex's first thought is that they missed this section in her original operation. She voices her concern, but Dr. Lawson informs her that they were very thorough and this happened post-operative. She's assured that with Casey's injuries this is not unusual.

Surgery is scheduled for that afternoon.

Dr. Lawson gives them some time to talk about what he told them and promises to come in and answer any questions either of them have before she's taken to surgery.

Alex is quite upset about the prospect of Casey being put under again.

"It will be okay," Casey assures her. She reaches out and takes Alex's hand, smiling at her.

Alex has tears in her eyes as she squeezes her girlfriend's hand. Casey is the one facing surgery and hurt, and yet Casey is comforting her.

She is truly incredible.

.2

When Casey goes in for surgery, Alex calls Olivia and let's her know she is on her way to have her time with the boy who almost killed her girlfriend.

She doesn't want to leave the hospital but knows she will just sit and worry, and she wants to be there when Casey wakes up again.

Olivia meets Alex outside the interrogation room and before she lets her in, she tells her exactly how this is going to be.

"Don't make me regret this, Alex," she cautions, using her most authoritive voice.

Alex turns and looks at Taylor through the glass. He is sitting there smugly, like he doesn't even care what he did to her Casey. She is filled with nothing but hatred when she looks at him.

She manages to peel her eyes away long enough to nod at Olivia, and after a moment's hesitation Olivia opens the door and Alex follows her in.

Olivia stands behind Alex, prepared to step in if need be. She's watching the blonde closely, knowing she isn't one to step out of line easily, but also knowing the extent of Alex's anger.

Taylor gives a half sneer as Alex approaches the table. Her eyes are right on him, holding his gaze. "Did your pretty girlfriend die?"

That's all it takes. With the passage of those few words, Alex loses it. She reaches across the table and punches him - hard.

Alex has never hit anyone before and the shock of what she just did hits her as fast as the pain in her hand. She looks up just as Olivia grabs her from behind and Taylor looks back at her, the side of his lip bleeding from being struck.

"Alex, stop!" Olivia restrains her friend, literally prying her off the table and dragging her to the door. She knew this was a bad idea and is kicking herself for allowing it.

Alex is fighting her off, stronger than Olivia expects her to be. "I - I'm okay," she staggers out, feeling her breathing returning to normal and her heartbeat slowing down. She takes deep calming breaths and attempts to settle down so Olivia allows her to do this.

Olivia knows she should remove Alex from this interrogation room. Her already striking the suspect is going to hurt her, and this whole thing could go south and upset her more than she already is.

But Alex's blue eyes are pleading with Olivia. She wants to do this - needs to do this. And Olivia knows she is going to let her.

Olivia slowly nods and releases her friend, and Alex straightens her collar before turning back to the boy sitting at the table.

She feels intense hatred towards him right now. More hatred than she's ever felt; more hatred than what she felt for the man who tried to murder her.

She is shaking as she sits down in the chair across from Taylor. His cold eyes are watching every move she makes. She puts her hands on the table, locking them together as if to stop herself from striking again.

Alex takes a deep breath and speaks, surpringsly calmly. "My girlfriend is very much alive. But she nearly died and has a lot to overcome, thanks to you."

Taylor doesn't look sorry or apologetic in the least bit. He simply shrugs. "Got what she deserved."

Alex feels her body stiffen and her blood run cold. "How do you figure? What did she do you?"

Taylor leans over the table and stares at her menacingly. "She put my dad in prison. He was innocent - he didn't rape or kill those college girls. If she knew how to do her job she would have realized that. I tried to talk to her before the trial, but she just blew me off. She's so full of herself and thinks she knows more than anyone else. But she put an innocent man in prison and ruined my family. So yes, she got what she deserved."

Alex is silent for a moment. She isn't sympathetic towards him - not in the least bit. But she is familiar with the case and the evidence they had available. All evidence pointed to Norman Trussel being the rapist and murderer. Alex herself had looked over the evidence when Casey had felt unsure of herself.

"It wasn't Casey's job to prove your father didn't do it," Alex tells him. "That was the job of his defense attorney, and if he's truly innocent, than he is the one who didn't do his job."

Taylor keeps his eyes on Alex. "He had a public defender. We couldn't afford a decent attorney. I told your stuck up girlfriend I wanted to testify. But she wouldn't let me. I know who the real rapist and murderer is. She didn't want me to reveal that, because she would lose her case, right? I know how these things work. Once you have a solid case you go for it to make your own self look good. Innocent people be damned."

Alex has been lied to many times by many suspects and even her own colleagues. She's developed a talent for being able to tell when she's being lied to.

And Taylor Trussel is not lying to her. His eye contact never wavers and he speaks so sure of himself.

Alex takes a deep breath, knowing this is bad. Bad for the family, bad for Casey, bad for the office. If it was a false conviction and Casey didn't gather all available evidence and talk to every available witness, it's beyond bad.

"If you truly believe it was a false conviction there are routes you could have taken," Alex explains. "You could have gone to the district attoney and he would have investigated. You didn't have to wait for her in a parking garage and try to kill her."

She thinks she sees something - regret maybe - flash in his eyes. He momentarily looks away and doesn't respond.

Alex sighs and leans into the table. "Okay. Suppose I believe you, Taylor. What was your father doing at the campus that night? And who did rape and murder those girls?"

Taylor narrows his eyes at her. "I'm not giving you anything. We are filing an appeal for my dad, and my mom hired an attorney for me. We're going to prove how corrupt all you people are." He sneers at her. "I'm going to walk, and your girlfriend is going to lose her job. Oh, and be paying my family a lot of money for a long time, because we're suing her too."

Alex feels anger swirling inside her. If what he is saying is true, Casey's job could be at stake. The publicity is going to massive, and it's the last thing Casey needs right now. She needs to focus on getting better. This cluster is the last thing she should be thinking about.

"Let me make sure you understand," Alex says, leaning further onto the table. "You tried to kill an Assistant District attorney. Not just any assistant district attorney; my girlfriend. She had to have two surgeries and will be in the hospital for weeks. Whether or not your father was wrongly convicted, you are going up for attempted murder. And let me say, they don't take too kindly to trying to kill public servants around here."

Taylor just smiles. "Keep telling yourself that."

His response angers Alex even more. Because she hadn't expected this to happen. She had expected to be in so control like she always is and to be completely sure of herself.

Alex is well versed in all parts of the law, and she knows given the right defense, if what Taylor said is true, he could very well be set free. Every conviction Casey ever had could be investigated. If he came to her with evidence she didn't heed, this is very serious. This coupled with a past Brady violation and license suspension could mean the end of Casey's career. And Alex knows it.

She has to leave this interrogation room with the upper hand. She can have it no other way.

"I'll make it my mission to make sure you never see the outside of a cell. You're going to rot in prison, you filth. Make no mistake about that."

That smile doesn't disappear from Taylor's face as Alex rises from her chair. She turns to leave and he says, "And I'm going to put you and your girlfriend through legal hell. Please make no mistake about that."

Alex wants to run back in and hit him again, but she maintains her calm. Olivia leads her out of the interrogation room and as soon as the door closes Alex leans against the cement wall, rubbing her suddenly aching temples and closes her eyes.

Olivia watches her closely, gauging her reaction. "You shouldn't have hit him, Alex. He will use it against you."

Alex shakes her head, her eyes still closed. "I don't care, Liv." Her hand aches slightly and she opens and closes her fist.

After a moment's hesitation, Olivia comes out with, "Do you think what he said is true?"

Alex opens her eyes and her head snaps up. She meets Olivia's eyes. "I don't know. He seemed like he was telling the truth. But I don't like to think that he went to Casey with evidence and she just ignored it. She wouldn't do that. Especially given what happened to her in the past."

Olivia nods knowingly. "Does he really have a case against her?"

"He can't sue Casey personally; she has immunity. But the family can sue the DA's office. And Casey could lose her job as fallout." Alex shakes her head. She doesn't want to think about this right now. "I can't exactly ask Casey about it right now. Besides, it doesn't change the fact that he tried to murder her. And that is what he is going to be tried for."

Olivia doesn't look convinced, but she nods.

"He will be charged as an adult," Alex tells Olivia, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she stares at him through the glass. "He made a very adult decision when he tried to murder my girlfriend."

Olivia looks at her. "You know this is hands off for you, Alex. It's a conflict of interest. It's not your department, and you can't prosecute him."

Alex looks at Olivia, annoyance apparent in her eyes. "I know that, Liv. But I sure as hell can stand back and make sure this is done correctly. Cutter already agreed he is charged as an adult for attempted murder. I'm showing no mercy on this bastard."

Olivia is shocked to hear Alex speak this way. She cannot blame her in the least bit, but it's still surprising to hear.

Alex pulls out her phone and is relived when she has no missed calls. She sighs heavily, feeling a massive headache coming on. She turns to Olivia. "I have to get back to the hospital. Please don't share what he said with anyone. I have to figure out what to do."

Asking Olivia to withhold is wrong but Olivia knows without a doubt that she is going to do it. She nods carefully. "Text me when Casey is out of surgery."

Alex is rummaging around in her purse for a Tyelnol and quickly pops a couple to get ahead of her headache so she's one hundred percent when Casey wakes up.

"Did you give her the ring yet?"

Alex raises her head and meets Olivia's eyes. She shakes her head. "No. I want to, but...I think I need to wait until she's better. Plan out everything again and show her she's special. I know it will be awhile, but I waited this long. I can wait a little more. Casey is worth it."

Olivia smiles. It still hurts her deep inside that Alex isn't hers anymore; she thinks it will always hurt her. She loved her so much and for so long they were everything to each other.

But somewhere deep inside, even if Olivia didn't want to admit it to herself, she knew that Alex loved Casey. She wasn't blind. She could see the way Alex interacted with her, how she would smile at every little thing Casey did. How she always had to be sitting next to her when she'd come over to watch a movie with them. Alex would even buy food and snacks that she knew Casey liked for when she would come over.

Olivia never questioned Alex because she loved her and was happy that Alex had a friend she loved so much. She trusted both of them and knew nothing would ever happen between them as long as she was with Alex.

And now Alex is truly happy. Olivia can see it in her eyes. Sure she is facing a roadblock right now with Casey being in the hospital and the trouble they face with Taylor Trussel, but that doesn't change the fact that Alex is happy.

Roadblocks are easy to overcome. They always come up on the road to happiness. You just have to keep jumping over them.

3.

 _Alex glares across the table at Jen. She can't believe she's just texting away on her phone while she and Casey are on a double date with her and Olivia._

 _Casey is dressed so beautifully and trying so hard to get Jen to pay attention to her; it makes Alex so angry that she actually reaches across the table and takes Jen's phone right out of her hands._

 _J_ _en looks at Alex, blinking in disbelief of what just happened._

 _Your girlfriend looks beautiful tonight. Why don't you look up from your phone long enough to tell her that," Alex says._

 _Jen looks at Casey, and Casey feels her face grow hot in embarrassment. She appreciates Alex looking out for her but wishes she hadn't put her on the spot the way she did._

 _Jen appears embarassed as well. She is always flustered around Alex, always feels her judgement. Knows that Alex doesn't like her and doesn't want her dating her best friend._ _"I'm sorry, Casey," Jen says quickly. "It was about work."_

 _Casey smiles at her. "It's okay. I understand." She gives Alex a glare across the table. A perfect 'we will talk about this later' look._

 _Alex has more snarky things to say to Jen throughout the dinner, so much so that Olivia actually tells her to back off._

 _After Olivia's intervention the dinner becomes bearable but Alex's distaste for Casey's girlfriend hangs in the air._

 _After dinner Casey asks Jen to go wait in the car and angrily confronts her best friend._ _"What the hell, Alex? This double date was your idea and you acted like a complete bitch to Jen!"_

 _"Every time we have had you guys over, she's been on her phone the entire time. She doesn't pay any attention to you. I was appalled to see her eyes glued to her phone instead of glued to you. It's more than unfair, Casey. You deserve so much better."_

 _Casey always thinks it's sweet that Alex looks out for her. But this one of those times she went way overboard._

 _Casey holds up her hand. Even though she doesn't want to, she smiles. "Alex. You know I absolutely adore you. But you can't keep doing this. You are so overprotective. I am not being hurt. I'm fine, Alex. You need to just let me live my own life."_

 _"She's going to hurt you. She isn't right for you, Casey," Alex says softly._ _"Well, if she hurts me, that is part of life, Alex. You can't shield me from it. You have to stop scaring away my girlfriends." Casey laughs lightly._

 _She should be angry with Alex, but she can never stay mad at her. She knows she is special; Alex doesn't get close to people often and the fact that she is her best friend makes her special._

 _"I don't scare them away," Alex says, her voice sounding like a child that was just scolded in class._

 _Casey laughs. "Yes you do! You can be scary, Alex. You judge very intensely. Please, I want to be able to bring my girlfriends around my best friend without fear that she will kill them."_

 _Alex's face falls, and she looks defeated. "I'm sorry. I just care about you and don't want you to settle for someone who isn't right for you." She pauses and looks at Casey. "She didn't even tell you how beautiful you look tonight."_

 _Casey meets Alex's eyes and she swears she sees something there but dismisses it as quickly as she felt it. It's wishful thinking on her part, she's sure._ _"You just did," Casey says with a smile, looking down at her dress. "And it made my whole evening."_

 _Alex smiles, her entire face lighting up. She looks at Olivia and Jen, who are chatting while waiting for them by the exit doors. "We shouldn't keep our girlfriends waiting any longer."_

 _Casey follows her gaze. "Yeah. Probably not."_ _Alex turns and looks at her again and Casey has to fight the urge to throw herself into her arms. Alex leans down and kisses Casey's cheek softly. "Bye, Case. I'll see you at work tomorrow."_

 _Casey puts her hand where Alex has just kissed her and watches her walk back to Olivia. Olivia takes her hand and they walk out of the restaurant together._

 _It's hardly the first time Alex has kissed her cheek, but this time it felt different. Her heart hurts watching Olivia and Alex walk away._

 **I have been doing flashbacks to before Casey and Alex got together to establish that feelings have been there for a very long time.** **Also, I still have plans to bring Alex's dad in and let's just say he is judgemental.** **what did you think of what her attacker said? Think it's true?**


	16. Chapter 16

**You meet Alex's dad in this chapter. I changed a few things about him and Alex's past to better suit the story. enjoy!**

The next two weeks drag by slowly. Casey is bored out of her mind in the hospital and begs every day to go home. But she is not yet well enough, and she knows it.

She hit a roadblock when they removed the chest tube after four days. The incision site became infected, and Casey still had trouble breathing. The doctors opted not to put the chest tube back in and monitor her closely the next couple of days. They gave Casey breathing exercises and increased the number of times they got her out of bed to move around. She got winded quite easily but thankfully her lung didn't collapse again.

Alex had been amazing. The hospital staff never saw anyone so dedicated. The first week Casey was in the hospital, Alex only left a handful of times to go home and shower and get changes of clothes. She would always bring Casey gifts when she returned. And every night she would climb into bed with Casey and hold her until she fell asleep.

Casey's hospital room is overflowing with flowers, balloons and stuffed animals. It seemed the entire DA's office sent her gifts, and the detectives dropped by almost daily to check up on her and always had a new bouquet of flowers or a silly balloon for her.

A week into Casey's hospitsl stay, Mike Cutter had dropped by to see how she was doing. At least that's what he said, but Casey knew his real motives; he wanted to talk to Alex, and that was the only way he was going to be able to.

Alex was needed back at work. Missing two lead prosecutors was quite a blow, and Alex had obligations and responsibilities as an Executive Assistant District Attorney.

At first Alex wanted to throw Cutter out. She was so angry with him for even bringing up work at a time like this. Her top priority was and always would be Casey, and she made sure he knew it.

It took a lot of convincing - both from Cutter and from Casey - to talk Alex into going back to work while Casey was still in the hospital.

Casey's life wasn't in jeopardy anymore and Alex knew this, but it was still a very hard step to take. She hated the idea of leaving her girlfriend alone in the hospital all day while she worked.

But she finally did it. She went back to work, making it clear to Casey that she would be there in an instant if she needed her. She made sure the hospital staff had her cell and office number and were ordered to call her anytime if anything happened. She even bent her own rules and left her ringer on in the courtroom so she could be reached.

And every day after work Alex would go directly back to the hospital and be with Casey. She stayed every night with her. Casey would always tell her she didn't have to but was always glad she did. She was so happy to have a girlfriend who loved her so much.

Casey is on soft foods now, and it hasn't been going well. She never feels hungry. About a half hour after eating she's always hit with terrible stomach pains that continue for a couple hours at a time. Dr. Lawson has been adamant about her eating three times a day, and it's been a struggle.

This day in particular finds the nurse on duty calling Alex at work to tell her that Casey is in a lot of pain and she thinks she would benefit from having Alex there.

That's all Alex needs to hear. As soon she disconnects the call she summons one of her junior ADAs, quickly fills them in on the arraignment she was about to go to, and heads to the hospital.

Traffic is a bear and Alex is thankful she chose to take a cab or her road rage would be worse. She's impatient, every second that ticks by taking away from time she could be comforting Casey.

Finally she makes it to the hospital. She's gotten to know almost every nurse and doctor by name and greets everyone at the ICU desk with a smile before hurrying to Casey's room.

Casey is propped up by pillowd with the TV on but she isn't watching it. It's clear she is hurting. Her hand is on her stomach and she moans slightlt. She looks shocked to see Alex and adjusts her position quickly.

"Why aren't you at work?" Casey asks, trying to mask how much pain she's in.

Alex brushes the hair off Casey's forehead and smiles at her. "I heard my girl is in a lot of pain. I wanted to be here."

Casey rolls her eyes and lies back on her pillow. "I can't believe they called you. They made me eat a bigger than usual meal today but I'm okay. Really."

Alex can tell she isn't. She can read the pain in her eyes. She takes off her suit jacket and shoes and tells Casey to move over. Casey does so, sighing. She gets into bed with her, and Casey immeaditely curls into her chest.

Alex puts her hand on Casey's stomach, as if that simple touch will stop the pain and heal her. She begins to rub gently, talking softly to Casey.

"Don't think about the pain, baby. Think about me. Think about how much I love you."

Alex can tell just by touch thay Casey has lost weight over these past few weeks. She has always been slim but always looked healthy. But she's starting to get too skinny, and even her face looks thinner now. Alex knows it's going to be a battle to keep her eating like she should. They've been told it won't always be like this for Casey and Alex hopes with everything that it's true.

Within minutes Casey is asleep, gripping Alex tightly. Alex smiles when she feels her breathing even out and presses a kiss to her head.

A short while later her nurse comes in and smiles at the sight. "An hour ago she was moaning in pain. As soon as you get here she completely relaxes."

Alex smiles, drumming her fingers through Casey's think mane of hair. "That's what love does. It just breaks my heart that she has to suffer at all."

"It will get easier. It will take time, but soon she won't hurt at all after she eats. She is lucky she has a supportive partner."

Alex looks down at her sleeping girlfriend and her heart swells with pride knowing that she is hers and no one else's.

"Do you think she will be home by Thanksgiving?" Alex asks, looking at the nurse.

Thanksgiving is a little over a week away. She's already spoken to her father and let him know that Casey cannot travel right now and that she isn't sure she will be home in time. He is prepared to come to them for the holiday. Alex would like to make solid plans if at all possible.

"It's hard to say. Monday will be three weeks. It all depends on how much she is able to eat and how well she does. I know Dr. Lawson is going to want another MRI within the next couple of days."

Alex is fully prepared to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital if she needs to, but would very much prefer Casey to be home. Casey loves watching the Thanksgiving parade and Alex can imagine the two of them curled up on the couch under a blanket together.

Alex knows she is going to have to step up and cook. She can't let Casey do it, and her father does not cook. She knows Casey won't be able to eat much so she's taken notes from the list of foods Dr. Lawson gave them and is going to make sure she gets things that Casey can actually eat.

She's determined to make this holiday great for her girl, no matter where they happen to be.

.2

Alex hadn't heard anything about what Taylor Trussel told her and she had foolishly led herself to believe that nothing would happen.

But the next day her phone rings a little after seven AM and before she can even ask why he's calling so early, Mike Cutter is in mid-sentence.

"I need you at the office. Now."

His tone tells Alex this is serious, and she has a feeling she knows what this is about before he even says it.

She has a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach as she wakes Casey and tells her she has to go. Casey simply kisses her, tells her she loves her, and then goes back to sleep.

When Alex arrives at Cutter's office, he is already waiting for her. He closes and locks his office door ominously and motions for Alex to sit down.

Alex does so, swallowing around the newly formed lump in her throat.

Cutter drops a newspaper onto the desk right in front of Alex. She glances down and sees a picture of Norman Trussel with the headline "Wrongly Convicted"?

He doesn't wait for Alex to answer. "What do you know about this?"

Alex doesn't bother to read the article. She knew it was a matter of time before Taylor's attorney went to the papers.

"It's bullshit. I helped Casey with this case and I saw all the evidence. It was a good conviction, Mike."

His eyes bore into hers, searching for truth. "I know you spoke to his son with Detective Benson - and only Detective Benson - present. You spoke to him without his attorney. You know better than that, Alex."

Alex's eyes flash with anger. "He nearly killed my girlfriend. He tried to murder her. You're damn right I talked to him."

"Did he say anything regarding what's in the paper? Did you say or do anything to step out of line?"

Alex wonders if he knows that she struck Taylor. Does he know, and is waiting for her to admit to it? Is that in the papers as well?

Alex isn't one to lie. She values the career she has worked so hard all her life for. She wants nothing to knock her off the path to higher office.

But she also loves Casey and doesn't want her to tank her career again. Casey needs her job; needs it to feel confident, feel like herself.

"He made a snide comment about Casey. Regarding whether or not she was still alive. Mike, she was having surgery when I went to see him. I...may have hit him."

Cutter's expression changes to one of disbelief. "May have hit him? Alex, do you have any idea what that would mean? You struck a seventeen year old suspect while in custody!"

Alex is angry now. "Suspect? He did it, Mike! The surveillance footage clearly shows it. There is no question."

Cutter shakes his head. "Alex. You know he is still a suspect until convicted. You cannot play judge and jury because he attacked your girlfriend. You have to follow the same route to justice that anyone else has to."

Alex hears his words, but knows they are wrong. Justice would be to have someone stab him and leave him lying somewhere alone and dying.

Taylor had pled not guilty and sits in prison awaiting trail, which is set to begin in three months. And Alex knows he and his attorney will use that three months to their advantage to build whatever case they think they have.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Mike. It's all bullshit. I worked this case with Casey."

Truth be told all she did was look over evidence, but she feels so strongly in her heart that Casey did nothing wrong, that she's willing to lie for her.

"And he said nothing when you spoke to him?"

That feeling of dread in the pit of Alex's stomach gets stronger. "He of course said his father was innocent. I dismissed it as the ramblings of someone guilty of attempted murder. His father just went to prison; of course he's going to believe he was innocent. I thought nothing of it."

Cutter's eyes bore into Alex's. "If I speak to Detective Benson, will she confirm this?"

Alex doesn't hesitate. "Yes."

Cutter finally breaks eye contact and looks back down at the newspaper. He sighs. "I have to let the State Bar investigate, Alex. Anytime there is a public accusation that a prosecutor ignored evidence there is always an investigation. I just wanted to talk to you before it happens. I know Casey is on medical leave, but they are going to want to talk to her. And I am going to have to speak with her as well. The State Bar will also talk to you. I want to prepare you for that."

Alex nods in understanding. She had been expecting this. She's kept it from Casey, only telling her that he was caught and awaiting trail. She told her nothing else; not that she spoke to him, not that she hit him, and nothing of what he said.

"I understand, Mike. I have no problem speaking with them. Casey did nothing wrong and I want to help prove her innocence," Alex says.

His eyes are on her again. "Your relationship will come up, and will be a factor. I want you to be aware of that." Alex nods in understanding. "Nothing has been made public about you striking him. If there were no other witnesses and if you can get Detective Benson to omit that detail, say nothing of that to the State Bar."

Alex nods in understanding. "I was really hoping this wouldn't come up while Casey is still in the hospital. I really don't want this on her mind right now."

"I can respect that, Alex, but she needs to know. Sooner rather than later. Would you rather she not know and be blindsided by it?"

Of course Cutter is right; Alex knows she has to tell Casey.

She thinks about what she's going to say on the drive back to the hospital, trying to determine the most delicate way to bring this up. Casey has a tendency to overreact in these kind of situations and the last thing she needs is anything impacting her healing.

She chooses the most direct route; sits down on Casey's bed, gives her the newspaper and just tells her.

"It's not true, Alex!" Casey's voice is high pitched and laced with emotion. "Norman Trussel was the rapist and murderer. I'm one hundred percent confident in that."

Casey's eyes lock onto Alex's with a mild panic. Alex can tell how upset she's becoming and picks up her hand. "Hey, I believe you, baby. I just needed to tell you so you know what to expext."

Casey closes her eyes and sighs. "I - I can't believe this. First this," she gestures at herself in the hospital bed. "And now my name is being dragged through the mud again."

Alex smiles sympathetically at her. "You know I have your back." She hesitates, careful with her next words. "I didn't want to tell you this, but I went to confront Taylor while you were under for the second surgery."

Casey looks at her, blinking. "You did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to upset you. I kind of lost my cool and punched him."

At first Casey stares at her in shock. Then her face transforms into an easy smile. "Alex Cabot...I knew deep down that you're badass."

Alex laughs, relieved that Casey isn't upset. "Olivia was in the interrogation room with me. She didn't like it too much, I'll tell you that. But, he did say something about this. About his father being innocent. Alluded that you ignored evidence he brought to you."

Casey's smile is gone now. "He - what? Why didn't you tell me before now?"

"He was saying it to get to me, Casey. But, I really think he believes his father to be innocent. I could tell he absolutely believed it. Did he come to see you before the trial? What did he say?"

Casey is silent for a minute, trying to remember. "He came to my office twice. Said he could alibi his dad the night of the rapes and murder but I could not verify his alibi. It was pretty clear he was saying anything he could. The second time he claimed he claimed he knew the girls and said one of their boyfriends was the killer. There was no evidence to support it at all; I did look into it. I told him repeatedly I was sorry about his dad, but that I had to go forward with my cases because that's what the evidence told me. You know, Alex, you looked over my reports and statements. You know it was cut and dry."

Alex loves Casey and absolutely trusts her, but that nagging little feeling that maybe she had overlooked something had been with her since she talked to Taylor. But hearing Casey speak now, seeing the truth in her eyes, that doubt is extinguished. She believes Casey, one hundred percent, and will fight for her.

She feels sick even thinking about doubting her in the first place.

Alex reaches for Casey's hand, but Casey pulls away from her and glares at her. Alex swallows, her eyes conveying how sorry she is.

"I can't believe you kept this from me. You should have told me, Alex. You should have told me right away, after you talked to him. I had a right to know what he was accusing me of."

Alex knows Casey is right. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm really sorry. You're right. I didn't tell you because you're already dealing with so much. But it was wrong."

Casey glares at her again. She has ever right to be upset, and Alex knows it. Still, Casey has only gotten mad at her a handful of times since she has known her - and it's not a good feeling for Alex.

.3

Casey is finally set to be released from the hospital tomorrow, two days before Thanksgiving. Alex busily hurries herself to get ready for her. She and Olivia go shopping for food, Alex bringing the printout she was given with foods that Casey can eat. They get yogurt, lots of soup, stuff to make homemade Cole slaw and mashed potatoes, and of course Alex gets a turkey. She knows Casey can't eat it but her father likes turkey. She wants to make food that everyone can eat and enjoy.

Olivia makes it clear that she will come over and help Alex cook. She follows Alex around the kitchen, putting items away into the cupboards. She hands things to Alex as she puts them away.

Alex is talking quickly, a habitat the blonde shows when she is nervous and unsure of herself.

"I want Casey to have a great holiday. She can't eat much right now but that's not all Thanksgiving is about. I know she can eat the cole slaw and maybe mashed potatoes. She can have soup too. Dad will want stuffing with the turkey, shit, do I have a recipe for that?"

Alex starts pacing back and forth. Olivi a reaches out and catches her arm. "Alex, deep breath. It's going to be okay. Casey is going to be so glad to be home and be spending the holiday with you, she won't care about the food. I'll make the stuffing for you, don't worry. Do you want me to bring it over?"

She raises her head and looks at Olivia and wonders what she is going to do for Thanksgiving. For the last six years she's spent it with Alex.

"You are welcome to come spend Thanksgiving with us. Dad would love to see you, I'm sure."

Olivia smiles, appreciative of the invite. She knows Alex means it, and knows she and Casey would be very welcoming and make her feel at home.

"Thanks, but Noah's foster parents are letting me have him for the holiday. I will, however, make the stuffing for you."

Alex sighs, leaning against the countertop. "I just wish things were better. I mean, Casey is getting there...She still has a long road until she can eat normally but she's overall okay. But this thing with Taylor Trussell.. he's really messed things up for her. She was in good spirits until she found out. Now she's worried about her job, and she shouldn't be worrying. The State Bar hasn't started sniffing around yet, but right after the holiday they will be around. And they can make a mess of things."

Olivia nods knowingly. "Well you know I will vouch for Casey. I didn't work this particular case but I can be a character witness. I'll help anyway I can." She pauses. "Does Cutter think she was hiding anything?"

Alex shakes her head. "I don't know. I seriously can't read him. I don't know whether or not he believes Casey. But he likes her, and wants to keep her on his team, I know that. I'm kind of glad she's on medical leave for eight weeks. She would be suspended until the resolution of the investigation if she wasn't. That would crush her."

"Did they hire a temporary ADA to cover until she's back?"

Alex makes a face. "Kim Greylek is back. I'll have to remind her every day that this is a temporary assignment."

"How is Casey doing, though? She seems good every time I see her but she's tough and I know she likes to hide when she doesn't feel well or hurts."

"She's okay, for the most part. She still has to be super careful when moving around. She's still in danger of tearing the sutures in her stomach. Every time they get her up they are very careful. She's supposed to rest when she gets home. That will be a challenge. She still can't eat much, though. She hurts really bad after she eats. She's on pain meds and they will give her s prescription but they don't help much. She said it feels like razor blades in her stomach after she eats for a couple hours. I feel so badly for her. I just have to stay on top of it and get her things she can handle and make sure she eats."

Olivia smiles. "You have your work cut out for you. Casey is just as stubborn as you. I do not envy you at all. Good luck making Casey rest. I don't think she knows the meaning of that word."

They talk a little bit longer, cleaning up the apartment and Olivia filling Alex in on all the things she likes to do with Noah. Alex notices the way her face lights up when she speaks of the boy, and she couldn't be happier for her friend.

Even though it was hard and there was a lot of heartbreak, they both found their happy endings. Alex just has to struggle a little bit harder to keep hers on track.

.4

Alex has felt pressure from all directions today.

She just picked her father up from the airport and has to get him settled in at the apartment before she goes to the hospital to bring Casey home.

Everything has to be perfect; she will accept it no other way and has gone to great lengths to make it happen. A beautiful huge bouquet of flowers is sitting on the kitchen table waiting for Casey and she got her the biggest most ridiculous teddy bear she could find; that's waiting on the bed for her.

As she pulls up to the apartment building with her father, Alex notices his face scrunch up in disapproval. He doesn't vocalize it, but he doesn't have to; Alex already knows what he is thinking.

Alexander Cabot is a tough, educated man. Wealthy and well respected in the law and political circuit all around the state of Pennsylvania. A former judge and state Senator, now has his own law firm outside Philadelphia. He has always demanded a lot from Alex, always expected her to succeed and put education and career above everything else in life. Relationships were secondary to him; even when her mother was still alive, she always took a backseat to his career and prestige.

She talks excitedly and nervously as she helps her father carry his bags up to the apartment. He raises an eyebrow as they get into the elevator.

"No doorman?"

Alex shakes her head. "No, dad. But it's a safe building. I love living here with Casey."

They reach the apartment within minutes and Alex leads her father inside. The judgment and disapproval is so apparent on his face as she takes in the apartment that Alex can almost feel it.

The furniture doesn't quite match and that's the first thing he comments on.

"Casey lived by herself for a long time. We haven't really gotten anything that is 'ours' yet."

He walks around the apartment without waiting for Alex to show him around. There's no guest room, which Alex has already told him. He was not impressed.

"You both live here comfortably? It's quite small and tacky, Alexandra. Your house with Olivia was lovely."

Alex frowns. "We're going to get a bigger place eventually but we're in no hurry. We are happy here, dad. I don't need anything bigger or more elaborate. I'm happy here with Casey."

He sighs, turning around and looking at his daughter. "I just don't understand you, Alexandra. You had a great life with Olivia. She's hardworking and you two had a nice place together. Casey Novak is a screw up. She shouldn't be working at the DA's office. She betrayed her position in the worst way possible and now she's in the papers again. You shouldn't have your name attached to someone with that much baggage."

Alex is upset. Her father hasn't even been at their apartment for a half hour and he's already harshly judging Casey and their relationship.

"Dad," Alex says, her voice even and serious. "Please treat Casey nicely. I love her. She has had a rough few weeks; she almost died. She's am amazing girl, dad. She makes me happy. Please, let's have a good holiday."

Her father agrees and apologizes, but Alex can't help but feel deep down that he is never going to approve of her life with Casey.

She pushes those thoughts aside as she hurries to make sure the apartment is the way she wants it before she goes to get Casey. She grabs Casey's favorite fuzzy blanket and folds it up on the couch.

She finally stops moving and run her hand through her hair, feeling extremely nervous. She knows she shouldn't be; it's a five day weekend for her from work, her father is here and her girlfriend is finally coming home. She should be excited.

But Alex has always been one not to get too excited, to worry too much about details and what could go wrong. She wracks her brain to see if there's anything else she can do to make Casey's homecoming special and comfortable.

Alexander has taken a seat on the couch and Alex quickly turns on the TV for him. He's dressed in his version of causual; creased khaki dress pants and a red polo shirt.

"Where would you like me to put my bags, dear, since there is no guestroom?" It's more of a judgement than a question and instead of answering, Alex carries his bags to her bedroom.

She hurries around the apartment for awhile longer before deciding there's nothing else she can do. She is even more nervous as she kisses her father and grabs her keys, and heads out the door to bring her girl home.

 **How do you think this will go? Alex is putting so much pressure on herself...**


	17. Chapter 17

When Alex gets Casey home, she is surprised to find her father not there and a note saying he went to a nearby hotel. Alex is hurt but she knows she is going to stay mighty busy with Casey settling in.

"It's so great to be home," Casey says with a smile as she touches the back of her old couch. She carefully sits down. Even though it's been nearly three weeks she still has to be careful not to irritate her healing incisions and injuries.

"I'm glad you're home too," Alex says, throwing the fleece blanket over her girlfriend. She sits down next to her and pulls some of the blanket over her own self.

Casey adjusts her position carefully, as not to irritate any of her many injuries. It feels fantastic to be home, even if she is hurting and has a long way to go. She would very much recover here than in the hospital.

"I can work from home, you know. I'm going to be so bored," Casey says as Alex turns the TV on.

Alex nods. "I'm sure you could. But you're not going to. Six weeks means rest and recovery. Absolutely no work. Nothing to get you stressed."

Alex has her serious face and voice on and Casey knows she is on the losing end of this battle.

"Seriously Casey. Not even home ten minutes and you already asked about work." Alex rolls her eyes.

Casey looks around the apartment. "Where's your dad? You said he got in today."

"He went to a hotel. I guess he figured we may want our privacy today. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, he will be here for that." Alex tries to hide the fact that she's hurt but her father's departure.

Casey picks up on it but doesn't press her.

"I'll make you something to eat." Alex gets up and pats her knee gently.

Casey makes a face. "Fantastic. So I can feel like I've swallowed razorblades again. Can't wait."

Alex looks at her sympathetically. She wishes this didn't have to be so painful for Casey but it's all part of recovery and knows Casey can't give up.

"It won't be like this for long," Alex promises. She picks up the printout they were given with foods that are safe for Casey to eat at this point in her recovery.

Alex reads over the list and has to admit it doesn't sound appetizing at all but she stays optimistic for Casey. "How about soup? I'm capable of heating some of that up for you."

Casey scrunches up her face. "You know I hate soup."

Alex goes back to reading the list. There aren't many options besides soup at this stage.

"I know it's not your favorite but let me make you some. It's something you can eat and you have to get nutrition into you. You know what the doctor said. You can have yogurt and you like that so I'll bring you some of that too."

Casey hates this; she hates Alex having to worry about her, hates having to alter her entire life, and hates the uncertainty of what's going to happen.

"I really am not hungry, Alex. I'd rather not be in agony my first night home."

Alex sighs. Her heart goes out to her sweet girlfriend and she wishes things were different, but they're not. Casey has to cooperate right now.

"You know you won't feel hungry for awhile but you still have to eat. We got your pain meds, Casey. The pain won't last long, and I'm here. You have to eat. Don't make this worse than it already is, Casey, please."

Casey doesn't respond but Alex knows she is getting through to her. She touches her arm. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. Please?"

Casey looks at her Alex. Her eyes are pleading, and the sight melts her heart. She knows that Alex loves her more than anything. She will put up with her stubbornness and whatever else she has to, because love is the strongest emotion.

Casey smiles at her. "Damn it, Alex. You melt my heart, you know that? I'm putty when it comes to you. Yes, I will do it for you. I will resign myself to swallowing razor blades for this beautiful blue eyed princess I share my home with."

Alex knew she would win easily. She kisses Casey again and can't help but feel hopeful. Yes it's going to be a long road. But together they can do it, because they can do anything as long as they have each other.

.2

Thanksgiving starts off being one of the worst Alex has ever had.

She wanted to have the cooking covered so Casey could just sit and relax. But she and Casey had a fight about it before even seven AM, which resulted in Casey insisting she was well enough to stand in the kitchen and cook. Alex only backed down when she realized Casey was getting too upset and told her she was helping her no matter what.

Alexander arrived shortly after nine and Casey had tried so hard to engage him in conversation. She was friendly and smiled but he made it clear he didn't want to have anything to do with her. He barely even acknowledged her as she spoke to him during the broadcast of the Thanksgiving parade.

Alex and Casey are sitting on the couch, their hands interlocked in their laps. Cssey shifts uncomfortably and attempts to engage Alexander again during a commercial.

"So are you following any sports teams this year?" Casey asks.

She is answered by a stiff head shake and a, "I'm much too busy to be a sports spectator."

Alex glares at her father, furious at the way he is treating Casey. He hasn't even asked her how she is feeling following her return home the previous day, which would have been the polite thing to do.

Alexander finally turns and looks at Casey. She stiffens when she feels his judgemental stare but manages a small smile.

"So...I see you've made the papers again with your latest conviction."

"Dad!" Alex cuts in. "Casey was nearly killed. We are not going to discuss our jobs right now."

He's treating Casey like she's part of the decor of the apartment, careful not to make eye contact or talk to her.

Alex notices, and it's not okay with her. She loves her father but his disapproval of Casey deeply saddens her.

"Dad," Alex says, nodding towards Casey when it's clear he is not going to drop his current train of discussion. "If you insisiy on talking about it, Casey has the highest conviction rate at the DA's office. It's quite an accomplishment. Why don't you ask her about that?"

Casey picks at her sweater uncomfortably and forces a smile. "That's nice of Alex to say, but I'm pretty sure hers is higher than mine."

Alex doesn't miss a beat. "Pretty sure it isn't."

Casey is trying so hard to make conversation with Alexander and he isn't interested in the slightest. It breaks Alex's heart.

Alexander turns around and finally looks at Casey again. She doesn't know how to read his look so she smiles.

"Lucky you have a chance to have a conviction rate at all. When someone is censured and has their license suspended, the District Attorneys office of my time would never touch them again. Consider yourself lucky."

Casey doesn't know how to respond. She sinks lower into the couch and Alex gives her hand a squeeze.

It's not what Alexander is saying that is bothering Casey. She had learned years ago to not let words bother her. She can let them roll right off her. It's the fact that this is Alex's father, someone she sees seldomly and someone who is supposed to love her, that bothers Casey.

She knows if she sits any longer she is going to say something she regrets, so she excuses herself to the kitchen to check on the food.

Alex gives her a quick kiss and she expects her to follow, but when she gets to the kitchen she hears Alex and her father talking, Alex's voice reaching a very upset pitch.

Casey stands in the kitchen longer than is required to check on the food. She can hear the argument going on in the living room between father and daughter, Alex's voice getting louder.

This is Thanksgiving and Alex shouldn't be upset. Casey is angry at Alexander for doing this to his daughter.

A few minutes later Alex comes into the kitchen. She tries a smile but Casey can see the stress apparent on her face.

"I'm sorry for my father, Casey."

Casey shakes her head. "You don't have to apologize for him."

Alex sighs and comes up behind Casey, putting her arms around her and resting her chin on her shoulder. "Don't stand for too long. Can I help with anything?"

Casey knows that Alex doesn't want to go back into the living room so she slides the large mixing bowl towards her and grabs the hard boiled eggs that have been cooling. "You can start on the deviled eggs."

Alex smiles, grateful to have a task. "And you boiled the eggs so I know they are done right. My hero."

"I should be able to eat them. At least I'm going to try," Casey says. She meets Alex's eyes and grins. "That is, if they turn out edible."

Alex playfully slaps her. "How can I mess up deviled eggs?"

Casey leans into her and Alex ruffles her hair. "You can manage to mess up anything in the kitchen, babe. But I put up with you because you have mad skills elsewhere."

Alex hugs her girlfriend. Her heart is filled with so much love and pride. She came so close to losing Casey. She's been thinking about that lately, and wondering what she would have done. She doesn't think she could have lived through the heart break.

They spend a little more time in the kitchen until Alex announces that Casey has been standing too long and banishes her back to the living room.

An awkward silence falls upon the living room and suddenly Alexander gets up and walks into the kitchen to see his daughter.

Casey knows she shouldn't listen. Alex and her father should be able to speak in private. But Casey can hear angry voices from the kitchen and she gets up and stands against the wall, where she can hear but not be seen.

"I love Casey," Alex tells him. "And I don't like the way you constantly pick at her and make her feel bad about herself. She's amazing, dad, and I wish you would see it. She's not going anywhere. She's the one I have a chosen and you're going to have to accept that."

"Wait a couple months. For years you said that about Olivia, and look what happened. I just don't understand you, Alexandra. You had a nice life with Olivia. She has a stable, respectful career."

Alex is angry that her father is disregarding Casey this way. "So does Casey. And I have a great life with her."

Alexander sighs deeply, conveying how disappointed he is in his daughter's choice. "She screwed up once; she will do it again. You aspire to be District Attorney. You don't want someone who disrespected their office in your life. Suppose you two get married and something like that were to happen again. Imagine the publicity."

Casey closes her eyes, shrinking back against the wall. She presses her back into the wall so hard so is afraid she's going to become part of it.

She knows she shouldn't be listening, but she can't help herself. Alex's father doesn't approve of their relationship, and Casey knows nothing Alex can say will change that.

Alex is angry now, her eyes flashing. "Are you serious, dad? Did you really just say that? You don't even know Casey! How dare you say that!"

"You're so much smarter than this, Alexandra. I am so dissapointed in you. I didn't spend thousands of dollars on your education for you to ruin your career by getting involved with the District Attorneys office's biggest joke."

That hurts Casey, even though she knows she shouldn't be concerned with what he thinks. He's Alex's father, and he thinks she is a screw up.

Casey hears a slamming sound and it makes her jump. She almost reveals herself by peeking around the wall to see what happened, but she doesn't get a chance to.

"So sorry you wasted your money on school for me. But I'm a big girl now and can make my own choices, and Casey isn't a mistake. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me."

There's silence before Alexander speaks again. And when he does, it makes Casey so angry she can't control herself.

"If you continue down this road, you are no longer a Cabot. Don't bring her around the family. I don't approve of this dreadful lapse in judgement. And most of all, I don't approve of my daughter shaming her family. I expected more from you, Alexandra."

Casey knows she should keep quiet. She has no business getting involved, but she can't stand back and listen to him belittle Alex this way.

Casey steps into the kitchen, a stern look on her face.

"Excuse me, sir, but with all due respect, you cannot speak to my girlfriend that way in my home. I dont care if you are her father; I will not put up with it."

Alex and her father gape at Casey in shock. She stands her ground, looking quite intimidating. "You can say whatever you want to me and about me. It rolls right off my back; I don't care. But I will not stand for you speaking to your daughter in such a disrespectful way in my home."

Alexander cannot believe his ears. "She is my daughter."

Casey's eyes convey how serious she is right now. "And I am her girlfriend. I am someone in your daughter's life, whether you like it or not. Someone who loves her. Someone who wants what is best for her."

"What is best for her is not be involved with someone with such weak moral fiber as you.

Casey starts to reply but Alex is angry now, her eyes flashing. "Weak moral fiber? Are you serious, dad? Did you really just say that? You don't even know Casey! How dare you say that!"

Verbal insults don't bother Casey, but the fact that her girlfriend is so upset does.

"Please stop," Casey says, putting her hand up and looking at Alexander. "It's thanksgiving. It's a day to be thankful. Not a day to fight. You don't like me; that's fine. But please respect and be thankful of our relationship. Your daughter has someone who loves and takes care of her. You should be grateful for that."

"I don't appreciate being told what I should and should feel," Alexander says. He turns his gaze to Alex. "I'm giving you a choice; Casey Novak, or your family. If you stay with her you aren't welcome home anymore."

The heartbreaking look on Alex's face at that moment is one that will stay with Casey forever. The moment she realizes her father is making her choose between her family and girlfriend. An impossible, unfair choice that someone who calls themselves a father has no right to ask.

Alex forces herself to look at the man she has called father her entire life. The man who was always too hard on her, but whom she always knew loved her. She feels her heart drop to her feet and her eyes well up with tears. How can he ask this of her?

Casey starts to say something but Alex interrupts her. "Casey is my family, dad."

With those words, the choice is made.

Alexander's face twists into a look of utter disappointment and he actually shakes his head.

Casey is so filled with anger at what he has just made her do. She steps forward and takes Alex's hand in hers. She gives her a reassuring squeeze and then puts her eyes on Alexander. "Get out of my apartment. Now. You aren't welcome here anymore."

She expects Alex to react, to override what she's just said and beg her father to reconsider. But instead Alex squeezing her hand tightly and puts her free hand on Casey's shoulder as a show of support.

Alexander grabs his coat and without another word walks by Alex and Casey and out the door, slamming it behind him.

As soon as he's gone, Alex breaks down. She starts crying, her entire body wracked with tears.

Casey wraps her arms around her and walks her to the couch where she deposits her devastated girlfriend and then sits beside her. Alex immediately leans against her and Casey begins to stroke her silky hair.

"It's okay, baby," she says softly. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry that had to happen today."

Casey lets Alex cry herself out. She doesn't try to make her talk; she simply is there, conveying with touch and words that she loves her and is there.

Finally, when Alex has exhausted herself, she sits up and wipes her eyes and Casey gives her a smile. "Great Thanksgiving, huh?"

Casey kisses her forehead. "Hey, we can make it great! You don't have to work for four days, we are together. We have great food. There's a lot of it I can eat and the rest we can save. We can salvage it, baby."

It's clear no matter what Casey says, Alex is going to be understandably upset. It makes Casey sad that her girlfriend is so down.

"Dad has alwas been hard on me," Alex says, wringing her hands together in her lap. In school I didn't have a social life. No proms, no dances, no hanging out with nonexistent friends. He hated it when I would date. I wss one hundred percent focused on studying. College was worse. Even though I lived away for college, he had control over me. Always reminded me he was paying for my education." She sighs. "I always thought it was because he wanted me to succeed in life. But I think now it was mostly so he could control me."

Casey puts her hand on Alex's knee and Alex's sad blue eyes bore into hers. She doesn't know what to say to make things better for her girl, even though she desperately wants to.

"Know what I'm thankful for?" Casey asks, snaking her hand into Alex's lap and taking her hand. "I'm thankful for my job. I may not always like it, but I appreciate it. I'm thankful I have my crappy little apartment. But most of all, I am thankful beyond words to my girlfriend. She's the light of my life, and deserves the moon and the stars and whole damn solar system. She deserves more than I can ever give her." Casey takes a deep breath and is relieved to see Alex smiling. "In fact, I have something for her. I'll be right back."

Casey lets go of Alex's hand and gives her a kiss when she stands and then disappears down the hallway.

Alex thinks about everything that has happened. Casey is supposed to be resting, and instead has to put up with the drama and baggage her father brought along. They are going to have too much food; Alex wanders if maybe Olivia could use some of it.

Casey comes back a few minutes later. Her attitude has completely changed, and she's nervous and fidgety when she sits down. She runs a hand through her hair and takes a deep breath.

"Alex, I have something I want to say and I wasn't planning on doing this now but I think the timing is about right, especially after what happened. I want you to let me talk and don't say anything until I'm done, okay?"

Alex nods, her eyes wide.

"I've loved you for six years, Alex. Six years. Even though I couldn't have you, I still loved you. I looked out for you and took care of you. And now that you're mine, I take it even more seriously. Not a second goes by that I'm not thankful for you. When I was stabbed and lying on the ground in the parking garage, all I could think about was you. I thought I was going to die and I thought about you and how sad you would be. I told myself I had to fight for you. So I did. And when I opened my eyes and saw your beautiful blues looking at me in the hospital, I knew I was given a second chance. Things may not always be easy; especially with our jobs. We have to face accusations and strife that other people don't. But we will get through it together. We are stronger as one. And there is no part of my future I don't see you in. Whatever you do, I'll be there. I love you more than I can ever put into words, and well, what I am trying to ask is this..."

She fumbles around in her pocket and pulls out a small black velvet box. She closes her eyes and pops the top open, holding it so Alex can see.

Alex gasps, tears springing to her eyes and she covers her mouth with her hands.

"This was going to be your Christmas present, but - Alex Cabot, will you make me the happiest girl in the world and marry me?"

Alex stares at the ring presented to her. It's beautiful; almost as beautiful as Casey herself. She's crying as her eyes go from the ring to Casey and she nods her head wildly.

Casey smiles as well and laughs as Alex practically throws herself into Casey's arms. "Hey...words would be good, sweetheart."

Alex holds out her hand and Casey slips the ring on her finger and she starts crying as well.

They are a mess of hugs and happy tears until Alex is able to compose herself long enough to look at Casey. "I - I have a ring for you too. I was planning on proposing to you as well."

She gets up, dragging Casey with her to the bedroom. She makes Casey sit on the bed while she retrieves the ring she has in the top drawer with shaking hands.

This isn't how she wanted to give the ring to Casey, but it couldn't be more perfect. Casey proposed to her, so Alex can no longer wonder if they are ready for marriage.

She finds the ring and and gets down on one knee in front of the bed. She doesn't let Casey see the ring, she just puts it on her finger.

Casey immeaditely draws her hand back and gasps. She has never seen anything more beautiful than the ring that Alex put on her finger.

"A - Alex! It's beautiful!"

Alex sits next to her on the bed and examines her own ring. It's studded with small diamonds around a large stone, and Alex absolutely loves it. She couldn't be happier with how this turned out.

"Worst Thanksgiving turned into the best one ever," Alex says, emotion in her voice.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day for family and reflection.

For Alex and Casey, it became a day of celebration, a day to look toward the future

They have been engaged for only two hours, but neither have stopped smiling. Casey can't stop looking at the beautiful ring on her finger as she stands in the kitchen making a plate of food with Alex.

"I won't be able to eat half of this," Casey comments. She looks at Alex hungrily. "But I know I can definitely eat the dessert that will follow."

"What makes you think I'm gonna feed my fiancee?" Alex asks.

Casey raises an eyebrow. "I love the sound of that word. Love it."

Alex smiles slyly and passionately kisses Casey, pinning her against her counter. "I do too."

They sit and Casey knowingly eats more than she should. She knows she will pay for it, but doesn't want to hurt Alex's feelings by not eating. She has a bit of an appetite back but still never feels as hungry as she should. She thought after almost four weeks she should be feeling more normal.

They don't talk about what happened with Alex's father; there's no need to. They have turned this into the best day and don't want to dwell on something bad that happened. There will be a time and place to talk about it and it's not right now.

Casey had hoped to take her beautiful fiancee to the bedroom and have some of that dessert but a half hour after eating she's hurting pretty badly.

She tries to hide it from Alex, but Alex knows. Alex always knows everything about her.

"Lets go lay down, baby. Until you're feeling better," Alex says. She doesn't even ask Casey how she feels. She just knows.

Casey gets up off the couch with a wince and Alex follows, putting her hand on her back. They walk to the bedroom and Alex puts Casey right in bed.

"This sucks," Casey says, angry with herself. "It's a holiday; we got engaged. I don't want to be stuck in bed."

Alex slips in beside Casey. "Just until you feel better. You know I can always make it better for you. Always."

Alex grabs the remote and turns on the bedroom TV. They've already started playing those stupid Christmas TV movies that she knows Casey likes so she puts one on.

Casey positions herself so she's laying with her head on Alex's chest. It's her favorite position, and Alex always strokes her hair, which immensely calms the redhead.

"Imagine what being an ADA in Gotham would be like," Casey suddenly says.

Alex looks at her and laughs. "What the hell, Casey...you always say the most random things!"

"Well, just imagine."

Alex pauses a moment. "I can't. Because it's not a real place."

Casey sighs. "Use your imagination, Alex."

Alex laughs again. "Okay. If we lived in Gotham, I'm quite certain you'd be a caped superhero at night and I would spend all my time worrying about you."

"But you wouldn't know I was a superhero," Casey explains matter of factly. "The hot girlfriends never do. They don't find out until they are kidnapped, and then the superhero swoops in and they either kiss them and they know or they rip off their mask."

Alex puts her arms around Casey. "Yeah? Just who would kidnap me, and what would your superhero name be?"

Casey thinks for a minute. "See, I don't know. Whoever took you would surely bring you back quickly."

That warrants a swat in the arm from Alex and Casey feigns pain and holds the spot where Alex hit her. "I think I would bring people to justice. They'd call me The Juror."

Alex laughs again. "Original, honey. Sounds like you have spent an alarming amount of time thinking about this."

Casey shrugs. "Well, you know, just in case we end up in Gotham someday."

"Yep. Because that's a real possibility."

They lie in silence for several minutes until Casey suddenly sits upright in bed, swallowing harshly. "I - I think I'm going to throw up."

Alex is immeaditely concerned and sits as well, placing her hand on her fiancee's back. It's been almost four weeks, but Alex is still concerned as to what being sick might do to Casey.

"Just take a deep breath," Alex instructs, rubbing circles on her back. She gives her hand a squeeze. "Focus on me. Look at me, Casey."

Casey locks eyes with Alex, and at that moment Alex wishes she could take away all her pain and discomfort and make it her own.

"You're not going to get sick. Just keep telling yourself that," Alex states, and Casey rests her head on her shoulder.

"It hurts," Casey says pathetically.

Alex feels her heart break. "I know, baby. It won't always feel like this. I promise you. You're already getting better. I think you may have just overdone it today."

Alex slips her hand underneath Casey's shirt and touches her flat stomach, as she does every time Casey hurts. Casey places her hand over Alex's and closes her eyes.

Alex eases her back so she's lying down again, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She keeps her hand over her stomach and the other is stroking her forehead. "I love you, Casey. You just rest. I'm right here. I'm right by your side, and not going anywhere. If the pain gets too bad you tell me and I'll make it better."

If anyone were to see the scene right now - tough as nails Alex Cabot comforting her hurting fiancee in bed - they wouldn't believe it. Her behavior with Casey is such a stark difference to her courtroom persona that everyone knows. It's the real Alex, one not many people get to see.

Casey is highly embarrassed, and feels like an idiot. She knew she shouldn't have eaten what and as much as she did. She usually has a pretty high pain tolerance and doesn't complain, but right now she feels miserable. It feels like she had razor blades for dinner and now those razor blades are rolling around her stomach.

"Ugh, god damn it...I just want to be normal again, Alex. I just want to eat dinner with my girl and not suffer afterwards. Is that too much to ask?" Casey's voice breaks, giving way to emotion.

"No sweetie, it's not," Alex says, wrapping both arms around Casey. "You'll get there. You had major surgery, baby. It's slow going and I know you aren't patient, but you will get there. But you know this recovery is together. I'll help you through it. You aren't alone, okay?"

Casey closes her eyes and sighs. For once her in life, she can honestly say she will never be alone again.

After about an hour Casey feels much better. Her bouts of pain are getting shorter and shorter, and she knows she is improving, even though it's slow going.

Casey has something on her mind and she vocalizes it to Alex. "We haven't made love in almost four weeks. I want it. I need it."

Alex raises her head and looks at Casey. She needs it too, more than anything, but has been very patient in letting Casey heal until she felt she was ready.

"Are you sure?" Alex asks tentatively.

Casey smiles at her hungrily. "Yes. I'm sure. Let's take it slow to test the waters, but I am sure."

She moves Alex's hand to her jeans and drops it there, signaling that she wants Alex to remove them. Alex raises an eyebrow and happily obliges, tossing her jeans and panties across the room. Casey smiles slyly and removes her own, and then without waiting for a prompt from Alex, she takes the liberty of removing Alex's sweater and bra.

Alex does the same for her, disrobing her in an expert fashion. Once they are exposed to each other, Alex looks down at the still healing incisions all over Casey's stomach.

The sutures have dissolved by now and they are raised and scarring. Casey follows Alex's gaze and a frown forms on her face. "Yeah...I look like Frankenstein."

Alex places her hand over the scars and shakes her head. "They are beautiful, Casey. They show how strong you are." She leans in and kisses the scars. "Don't ever think they make you weak." She locks eyes with Casey. "These scars show that my girl is a fighter. You fought so hard. And they had to do so much to fix you, baby. I'm thankful."

Casey smiles. "They took my inenstines out of my body. Literally out. And put them back in. They told me I died. I gave up, Alex."

Alex shakes her head. "No - You didn't. Your body was just in shock. Don't think that way for even a second. It's not true."

"But I'm probably going to lose my job, and -"

Alex quiets Casey but shaking her head again and putting her finger to Casey's lips. "No. We are not talking about this right now. It's Thanksgiving. We are not talking about work, or what happened to you. We got engaged and that's what we are going to celebrate."

Casey gives Alex her lopsided smile and easily relents. She pushes Alex back and sits on top of her, straddling her. Alex loves this position and raises her eyebrows in anticipation.

If Casey is nervous or doubts herself at all, she gives no indication of it. She slowly comes down on Alex, working her hands softly up her sides seductively. She tickles Alex's pale skin and Alex bites her lip, suppressing a cry of pleasure and letting it build for when she really needs it.

Casey wordlessly caresses both of Alex's sides on her way up towards her breasts. She knows what Alex likes, and Alex likes her breasts fondled.

She feels Alex's nipples go hard as she touches her breasts, and Alex lets a small moan escape her lips and holds onto Casey's wrist. She lets her hand wander down Casey's stomach, tracing the scars.

Casey closes her eyes, not stopping the exploration of Alex's breasts and enjoying Alex's touch. Casey leans down so her flesh is pressed against Alex and gently bites her breast, feeling Alex's grip on her tighten.

Alex's hand hesitates just outside of Casey's entrance, tickling her lips. Casey feels herself release and immeaditely moves one hand from Alex's breast to her entrance as well, nearly copying her motions.

Alex smiles and enters Casey with two fingers. They slide in easily, and Casey throws her head back and moans in pleasure. Her fingers inadvertently curl into the soft skin of Alex's outer lips and enters her gently with one finger, wanting to pleasure her at the same time.

Alex doesn't like too many fingers at once so Casey waits until she feels Alex tighten around her finger before she inserts another.

Casey illicts the response she wants from Alex and smiles to herself.

Two fingers in and Alex is moaning, tilting her head back and enjoying the feel of Casey inside of her.

She doesn't want to be selfish and take all the pleasure so she thrusts hard inside of Casey. It causes Casey to stiffen and cry out in pleasure.

They are both sweaty and pressed hard against one another, and turn into a tangled mess of moaning and groping.

They go on until Alex comes and lets loose a string of profanities that would burn a virgin's ears.

Casey knows she has accomplished her mission and retreats, but Alex hungrily holds onto her. She wants her fiancee to feel what she just felt and she thrusts so deep and hard that her wrist goes numb.

I doesn't take long before Casey comes in almost the same fashion as Alex. She doesn't swear; instead she bites her lip in the cute way that Alex loves and completely gives in to Alex.

Alex reduces Casey to a heavily breathing lump of a human, slouched over on Alex and struggling to catch her breath.

Alex drums her fingers through Casey's soft hair. Casey finally raises her head and looks at Alex. Her face is flushed and her eyes are watering.

"That was...definitely worth the wait," Alex comments, smiling at her goofy girl. "You are incredible. Damn."

Casey smiles. "It was great for me too. You're an animal, Cabot."

When they finally regain their composure, neither bother to dress. They curl up in bed together, exhausted from the physical activity they just endured.

"Know what would make this better?" Casey asks, her face buried into Alex's chest and her voice somewhat muffled.

"What?"

"An after sex round of Mario Kart."

"No!" Alex quickly objects. "I hate that damn game. I suck."

Casey giggles. "It's because you don't have patience. I'll put it on portable and bring it into bed so we can cuddle and play."

Casey always thoroughly enjoys besting Alex at Mario Kart on the Nintendo Switch. The few times she had persuaded her to play before they were dating. Casey would bring the unit to her house and she and Olivia would gang up on Alex and show no mercy. It always ended the same; poor Alex's character knocked off tracked dozens of times and pummeled with turtle shells. Olivia and Casey laughing at how hapless she was. And Alex throwing down the controller and vowing to never play again.

Alex sighs. "Are you going to go easy on me?"

Casey laughs. "No! There is a setting that will keep you from going off track though. Like bumpers in bowling. You know, for kids or people who suck, like you."

Alex pouts. "Well I was going to play until you said that."

Casey knows that Alex is wrapped around her finger and gets up to retrieve the unit from its mount under the bedroom TV. She slips the game disc in and returns to Alex, who has pulled the comforter over her head in an attempt to become invisible.

Casey pulls the comforter off her, exposing sky blue eyes that are blinking rapidly. Casey sits up and Alex rests her head in her lap.

"I'll watch you play. I just want to be close to you."

"You're so needy," Casey says, brushing the hair off Alex's forehead and smiling.

Alex smiles. "It's you're fault for being so cute. If you weren't so cute I wouldn't want you to touch me all the time."

"So if I were ugly you wouldn't want to touch me?"

Alex smiles. "Of course I would. But you are far from ugly, babe."

Casey starts the game up and Alex lies in her lap. She's not watching the screen of the game; instead she's looking at the intense concentration on Casey's face. Her freckles are visible and they make Alex melt.

Alex is staring at the ring on Casey's finger as she plays. It fills her with pride to know she made Casey so happy with it.

As if reading her mind, Casey pauses her game. Without a word she reaches out and takes Alex's hand. She touches their rings together.

"Pretty soon we're gonna be one," Casey observes.

Anything could happen right now and Alex would still consider it the best day of her life.

2.

Things don't stay perfect for long. Life isn't a fairytale and sometimes you don't get to pick the chapter you are living.

It's Alex's first day back at work following Thanksgiving break. She's in a fantastic mood, having had the best three day weekend filled with love making and lots of Casey time.

Her colleagues have noticed her ring but only a couple have had the guts to inquire. To each of them, Alex plastered on a smile and replied, "Casey proposed on Thanksgiving." The looks of shock had been profound, but Alex couldn't be prouder and didn't care who knew she loved Casey.

It's two hours into her day when Alex gets an unwelcome visitor.

A representative from the State Bar comes to see her. Her name is Barb and she's dressed sharply in sensible heels and a pinstripe pantsuit. Her heels click on the linoleum floors as Alex leads her into her office.

Alex regards Barb coldly, not even looking at her as she motions for her to sit in front of her desk. This woman is here investigating Casey, and that alone makes Alex not like her already. She's switched to Ice Queen mode, fully prepared to tell this woman exactly what she thinks.

She asks a lot of lead-in questions; how long has she worked with Casey, has she ever worked a case with her, how does she handle evidence, are her notes orderly and and precise. Alex answers every question truthfully and confidently.

"I looked over all the evidence Casey had seen in this case; read her notes, went over everything with her. She hid nothing," Alex says. "It was a good conviction."

Barb is writing away in her notebook, taking entirely too long. Alex wants to rip it out of her hand and see what she's writing.

Finally, Barb raises her head and looks at Alex. "Why did you look over her notes? Is that commonplace for you to do with the ADAs under your charge?"

"No. Casey just wanted a second set of eyes. She wanted to be sure, to make sure she wasn't overlooking anything. I did it as a friend; not as her superior."

More writing. Then Barb looks up from her glasses again. "Why did she think she overlooked something? Does she always doubt herself?"

Alex shakes her head sternly. "No - not at all. This was just a complex case and she wanted to be sure." Barb nods and writes again. "Look, I have seeked second opinions from colleagues too. She didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you just need someone else to look."

There's a pause before Barb speaks again. "You said you did it as a friend? But you guys aren't friends, are you? Is it true your relationship is more than friends?" Her eyes are on Alex's ring as she asks this.

Now Alex is angry. She feels her face grow crimson and she can't hide the scowl that spreads across her face. "Why is that relevant?"

"It's a legitimate question, Miss Cabot. You're an Executive Assistant District attorney. Casey reports to you. It's a conflict of interest for you to be romantically involved with one of your subordinates."

Alex keeps the scowl on her face. "Our office doesn't have any rules regarding who can date and who can't. Any relationship I have with Casey is private and not brought into the office. We are colleagues at work; nothing more. I do not give her any special treatment. Besides, this investigation is not about our relationship, so why delve into it?"

More questions are asked, Alex becoming even more irritated.

She knows the interrogation is over when Barb closes her notebook and stands. "Miss Cabot, my advice to you is you may consider transferring - either you or Casey. You're right when you said this not about your relationship, but it will become about that very quickly. If you think this relationship you have is worth keeping, I advise you to act quickly."

Then she leaves Alex's office, leaving Alex sitting at her desk

.3

Alex looks down the gorgeous ring on her finger, the symbol of her and Casey's love. She can't stop smiling to herself.

She had been worried that maybe Casey wasn't ready for marriage but the fact that Casey had a ring too and proposed as well put her mind at ease. It's like everything that happened on Thanksgiving faded away and it was just the two of them.

Alex loves being engaged. Granted it shouldn't make you feel any different, but Alex sure does. She feels like she belongs to Casey, that every decision that she is going to make from this day forward has to be made with Casey. Casey is going to be Casey Cabot...or she is going to be Alex Novak. She hasn't yet asked Casey what she would prefer. Either would be fine to Alex. She just wants to be married to her girl.

She's been thinking about Barb's visit all day. When she got home from work Casey told her that she called her and let her know she would be coming by the apartment in the next day or two to speak with her. Alex knows her line of questioning is going to upset Casey.

So that's why she can't sleep and is sitting alone in the living room in the middle of the night.

Casey suddenly startles Alex by walking up to the couch and stopping in front of her, a sleepy look in her eye as she looks at her fiancee curled up on the couch with a blanket at two in the morning.

"Am I snoring? Or do I smell? Why are you sitting up watching TV instead of in bed?"

Alex smiles, running her finger over her ring and patting the couch so Casey would sit next to her. She does.

"I just couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you. I'm really excited, and have a lot of thinking to do. Sorry, baby - habit."

Casey smiles and links their hands together, touching rings. "Regretting anything?"

Alex looks at her quickly, her blue eyes serious. "God no! No regrets at all when it comes to you."

Casey leans against Alex. "Come to bed...I need my cuddly blonde in order to sleep."

"How did you sleep before me?" Alex asks, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Casey shrugs. "I didn't. Not well, anyway."

Alex kisses the side of her face. "Awww. Poor baby. I really can't wait for you to be my wife."

Casey pulls away from her, their hands still linked. She looks hard in Alex's eyes. "Then let's not wait."

Alex frowns, confused. "Huh? Planning a wedding takes time. Most people wait almost a year..."

Casey shakes her head. "I've waited six years to be with you. I just want to be your wife. I know you want it all, Alex - a large venue, a bunch of guests, fancy dresses, flowers, the works. And that would be beautiful. But know what I want? You. Just you. I don't care how or where we get married. I just want to do it."

Alex studies her carefully, not excatly sure what she is alluding to. "What are you saying? That you don't want a wedding?"

Casey sighs. "I just...I just want to marry you, Alex. Let's just do it. Let's elope. let's go to the courthouse and get married."

 **What do you think? Should they? Or will Alex talk her out of it?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Warning - sadness ahead.**

Alex wants Casey to have everything she wants and more. She wants her to be happy every day of her life.

But a courthouse wedding is not something Alex wants. If it's absolutely what Casey has her heart set on then Alex would do it...but if there's anyway she can change her mind she's going to.

"I am totally fine with a small wedding," Alex says. "We don't have to spend a lot of money or make it elaborate. You're right: marrying each other is all that matters. But...I want to make it special, Casey. I would like us to be outside with the people we love. Have some photos to put in our offices as a keepsake."

Casey keeps eye contact and smiles at Alex. "Of course. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I really want to be married too, baby. How about we plan an outdoor summer wedding? It's not long to wait and we could make it really beautiful. That gives us time to plan our honeymoon too and make the necessary arrangements. What would you like to do for our honeymoon?"

Casey shrugs and settles down next to Alex, lying with her head on Alex's shoulder. "I would be happy with anything, really."

"Not what I asked," Alex says, pressing a kiss to Casey's cheek. "I asked what you wanted to do."

Casey is silent for a moment, and then says, "I have always wanted to go to Australia."

Alex smiles. So has she. She has always wanted to take a sightseeing boat around Sydney Harbor.

"That sounds perfect. We will go."

Casey pulls back and looks at Alex, her green eyes excited and anxious. "Really? Do you mean it?"

Alex nods. "Really really. Sounds like the perfect honeymoon to me."

Casey hugs Alex excitedly. "You're going to be such a beautiful bride! I cant wait to marry you! To be Casey Cabot and go on an adventure in Australia...just the two of us."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "Casey Cabot?"

"Well, yeah. I just assumed I would take your name."

"You don't have to," Alex offers. "I would be happy being Alex Novak."

"Casey Cabot has such a ring to it," Casey says. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not. I just wanted you to know that you had a choice."

Casey talks way too excitedly for two AM, and Alex has to stop her with a laugh. "Whoa honey - way too much energy for the middle of the night." She picks up her hand. "Let's go to bed. I think I can sleep now."

They lock together in a sloppy kiss and then Casey stands and pulls her fiancee up off the couch and leads her by the hand into the bedroom.

2.

 _Alex doesn't even turn around when she hears the door open and close. She had been expecting Casey, and starts talking to her before she even sees her._

 _"Casey, I have to go to the mall and return something. You know that place gives me anxiety on the weekends. Will you come and - " her words quickly cut off when she finally looks up from her book and sees Casey hobbling towards the couch painfully, wincing at every step._

" _Casey! What happened?!"_

 _Alex is at her best friend's side in an instant, slinging an arm around her and helping support her weight until she gets to the couch and sits down. Alex stands in front of her, a classic worried Alex expression on her face._

" _Softball. Hurt my knee. The same one I always hurt." Casey winces and rests her foot on the coffeetable, rolling up her pantleg._

 _Normally Alex would yell at her for having her feet on her coffeetable but she lets this one slide and sits down next to her._ _The knee is swollen and angry looking, and will no doubt be showing bruises tomorrow. Casey touches it tentatively._

" _That looks bad. Do you need to go to the ER?"_

 _Casey shakes her head. "No; I'll be good. Just need to sit for a minute."_

 _Alex stands back up. "More than a minute I'd say. I'll go get you an ice pack and some Ibuprofen."_

 _Alex rushes off to the kitchen and Casey smiles. Alex always fusses over her, and she had been expecting this response from the blonde._

 _Alex comes back with the ice pack wrapped in a washcloth, a glass of water and a bottle of Ibuprofen._

 _Casey takes the ice pack and gently holds it on her knee. Her heart flutters when she looks at the washcloth; just a simple gesture, but so thoughtful and so Alex. She takes the glass of water and puts it on the coffeetable and pops a couple ibuprofen._

" _How did it happen?"_

 _"Got slammed into on a base and went down quite hard."_

 _Alex shakes her head. "You didn't have to come over. Something along the lines of 'I'm hobbled and can't come over right now' would have sufficed."_

 _"I can't say no to you," Casey says, meeting and holding her gaze. "But I don't think I'm in any shape to go to the mall right now, which is why you asked me to come over."_

 _"That's okay. We'll just stay in and watch a movie," Alex says._

 _The real reason Alex asked Casey over is because Olivia is working late and she doesn't want to spend a Saturday alone. It's a common occurrence, and Alex is too proud to actually say the real reason she is asking Casey over._

 _But Casey knows. Casey always knows. Aside from Olivia, she's the only person Alex has._

" _Does it hurt?" Alex suddenly asks._

 _Casey looks at her knee. It's starting to go numb from the ice but still quite swollen and does hurt, but she would never tell Alex that. Instead she says, "Hurts a little. But not bad."_

 _Alex nods, satisfied with that answer. She grabs the remote and starts up Netflix._

 _C_ _asey watches Alex closely. It's not that she means to stare, but how can she NOT stare? Alex's leg brushes up against Casey's and she's sitting far too close._

 _Casey know this isn't intentional. Alex doesn't mean to illicit these feelings in Casey. She is in a stable relationship and has no interest in Casey outside of friendship_.

 _Casey would never dream of pursuing her. But moments like this; sometimes she can't help herself and nearly loses her resolve._

 _Alex is beautiful. Absolutely stunning; the most beautiful woman Casey has ever seen. Even dressed down casual like she is now - dark denim tight jeans and a purple half zip fleece pullover - she looks perfect. Like she got out of bed looking this stunning and didn't even have to try._ _It's not all physical attraction, though that is a wonderful bonus. Casey loves how kind Alex is, how much she cares about everything even though she pretends she doesn't. The person she loves is the person that Alex tries to hide from everyone. The person she seems ashamed to be._

 _Casey doesn't understand why, really. A great majority of colleagues and defense attorneys in the city would describe her as cold and uncaring. They may even use the word bitch. And Casey used to think that too...until she peeled off the layers and got to know who Alex Cabot truly was._

 _And she's someone that Casey loves. Absolutely loves, with all her heart._ _Alex settles back against the backrest of the couch and catches Casey looking at her. Cssey quickly looks away, embarassed. But when she looks back Alex is just smiling warmly at her._

 _"I don't know why you play softball, Casey," Alex muses, shaking her head. "You're not excatly graceful and always getting hurt."_

 _Casey feigns insult. "Are you calling me clumsy?"_

 _"Yes I am."_

 _Casey laughs. "Okay, I guess that's valid. I play because I love it. I always have. Getting hurt is just part of the game." She pauses and then adds, "hey, you're my so-called best friend and you never come see me play. What gives?"_

 _Casey expects a snarky response. Instead, Alex looks her in the eyes and asks, "You want me to come watch you play?"_

 _Casey realizes she does. She knows Alex hates sports and the few times she's attempted to watch any sport on TV with Olivia or Casey she had drove them nuts asking questions. Casey knows she would hate sitting in the sun in the uncomfortable bleachers and watching a game she had no idea about. But still, part of her would love to look up from her game and see Alex there._

 _Casey finds herself nodding. "Yeah. I do."_ _Alex beams at her. "Then I'll come, next game. Wouldn't miss it."_

Casey remembers how, after that conversation, Alex did come to her games. She came to as many as she was able to attend.

She remembers looking up in the bleachers and seeing Alex for the first time. It was her next game, just as Alex had promised. She had been wearing sunglasses, and she had waved when she saw Casey looking at her.

Casey had played her best that day. And she didn't even get hurt.

Casey doesn't know why this memory came to her but it makes her smile. She sits at the kitchen table slumped over her laptop sketching in her notebook with a huge grin on her face.

She has always had an interest in drawing, and always felt she had a small talent for it. She always used to draw little doodles that would turn into elaborate drawings that people would comment on. It always made her feel good that she had a special hidden talent.

She always kept it to herself. She doesn't know why, really. Not even Alex knows.

She's been taking an online drawing class for a week. She needs something to busy herself while Alex is working and until she can get back to work. She has filled her notebook with her first assignment; scenery.

Instead of drawing the New York skyline or something she sees every day, she decided to draw a beach scene. She imagines it's what Australia looks like. Crystal clear water, sand, coral reef below the surface. Sea gulls circling above. Beachgoers on jetskis and lounging on blankets.

It's nowhere near professional, but Casey thinks it's good. After a few more classes she will show it to Alex.

She absorbs herself in her class for about another hour until her cell phone rings and startles her. She doesn't recognize the number calling but answers anyway.

"Miss Novak, this is Barb McClain from the State Bar calling. Checking in to see if I may stop by and speak to you in about an hour?"

Casey looks at the time and sighs. It was inevitable this was going to happen; she might as well get it over with. Maybe then she can move on with her life.

Casey agrees to the meeting and when she disconnects the call, she can't shake that feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

.3

When Alex gets home from work, she finds Casey crying in their bedroom. She's lying on her side with Alex's pillow pulled against her, sobbing into it.

At first Alex fears she is in pain, but as she sits next to her she realizes these aren't pain tears. This is Casey's devastated crying that she's seen only a couple times before.

"Sweetheart," Alex says softly and gently, reaching out and touching her back. Casey meets her eyes, which are full of worry. "What's wrong, honey?"

Casey forces herself to sit up. She's obviously been crying for awhile, as her cheeks are swollen and red. She looks away from Alex and shakes her head. "That lady came to talk to me today - Barb, from the State Board. The one you talked to already. I felt okay about about our meeting, then Mike Cutter called me a few hours later."

Alex feels her head twist inside her chest. "Yeah? What did he say?"

"Even though I'm still on medical leave, I'm technically suspended which means I won't collect pay any more and I'm not allowed at the DA's office until after the investigation is completed." She bites her lip to keep from crying again. "I should be used to being in trouble. I've been through this before. But that was my fault. This time I didn't do anything. I really didn't do anything, Alex! Nothing except my job. I - I could be fired over this! And maybe disbarred this time. They are looking into my whole tenure as an ADA, Alex. It's serious, and I didn't realize just how serious until today."

Alex knew. She knew just how serious. She's seen colleagues come and go, have their careers ruined for less.

She doesn't want that for Casey; not at all. Casey is a great prosecutor with the highest sense of justice of anyone she's ever known. She's hard working, and it would be a loss for the city to lose her.

"I've been trying to see this from Taylor's standpoint and not hate him for what he did to me," Casey says. "But I hate him now, and want him to go away forever. He knows what he saying is not true. It wasn't enough to try and kill me and ruin my life. Now he has to take my career away too. He wins."

Alex feels her heart break and pulls Casey into a tight embrace. "No, he doesn't win. When his trial starts, I'm going to make sure he gets life in prison and that the sentence is very unpleasant for him."

Casey kind of shudders at that threat, not wanting to know what Alex could possibly mean. Alex is the goddess of the DA's office; she can basically play God and make anything happen.

"I hate that you feel defeated, Casey. But this isn't over; I assure you. Mike didn't say anything to me today about calling you. I'm not defending him in the least, but that is standard protocol to suspend someone for the course of an investigation. Is it fair? No. But it's policy."

Alex knows she couldn't have done anything about the suspension. But she's upset with her boss for not telling her. She could have at least called and prepared Casey, softened the blow a little bit.

Casey pulls away from Alex and Alex smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. Casey is so beautiful, especially when she's vulnerable like right now. Alex has the urge to just wrap her in her arms and protect her from everything unfair and mean in the world.

"I know how seriously you take your job and I know how much this hurts you. But they will find nothing to fire you over. Let them waste their time and resources trying. You won't be fired, Casey, and you won't be disbarred."

Casey looks away from Alex. "You can't say that for sure. You don't know."

Alex grabs Casey under her chin and forces her to look at her. "I know you. And I know you did nothing wrong. Nothing since you've been back. Your censure and suspension ended six years ago, Casey. Everyone has forgotten. Since then you've done nothing wrong. You don't have to worry, okay? You forget that I have a great deal of influence."

Alex knows even as she says it that even though Casey has done nothing wrong, she can still be fired, still have her career severely impacted. If that were to happen she would be unlikely to find a law job anywhere else, having a public censure and a three year license suspension on her record, coupled with being fired from an Assistant District Attorney job.

Alex knows she's going to fight for her. She doesn't care what it takes. She doesn't care what she has to do, or who she has to use her influence on.

She knows it may ultimately come down to transferring out of the Manhattan office. If their relationship is made a big deal of, she may have no choice. She certainly wouldn't ask Casey to transfer. It took Casey a long time to find her stride with SVU and she isn't as confident as Alex. Alex would never throw her into unfamiliar settings.

As far as pay, Alex isn't worried. She can support the both of them.

What she is worried about is how upset Casey is, how she's already given up and accepted that she's lost.

She's not going to let this happen to her Casey.

Her confident state of mind lasts for less than twenty four hours when the next morning she is summoned to Mike Cutter's office before the day even begins.

He sits her down and offers her coffee, something he does when he's about to deliver bad news. He avoids eye contact and is overly polite.

Alex thinks she knows what this meeting is about, but gives him the benefit of the doubt and doesn't jump to conclusions.

That is, until he sits in the chair next to Alex in front of his desk instead of behind it. That's when Alex knows it's serious.

"Alex, you know I hold you in the highest regard and you are the best prosecutor in this office. That's the reason I feel the need to tell you what's going to happen before it does."

This sounds more like the lead in to a promotion than what Alex knows it's really about.

"Whatever you have to say, just say it. If you respect me so much just say what you have to say and let it be done with," Alex says.

Mike sighs deeply. Alex can tell his next words are difficult for him. "I have to fire Casey."

The words are like a dagger in Alex's heart. She had known this was going to be about Casey but never suspected to hear those words put together. She thought this may be about one of them transferring to a different office. She was prepared to deal with that.

This, however, she was not prepared for.

"Are you serious? Why?" Alex's voice reaches a high pitch as she looks at him, trying to find any reason to the words he just said.

He looks her straight in the eyes and says, "You know why."

"Mike, don't do this! If you fire her she will never find another job!"

"I don't have a choice, Alex. You don't know the pressure on me. This office has looked a fool too many times."

Alex is desperate. Mike can't do this to Casey; it would be ending her career. Casey would be devastated.

"Man up, Mike! Fucking take it!" Alex's voice trembles and she's much too upset to think rationally. Her hands are shaking.

He ignores her outburst. "Alex - "

"I am going to talk and you're going to listen!" Alex says, and her boss sits. Even though he is her superior, she is quite intimidating.

"Don't give me pressure as an excuse! My fiancee was stabbed and almost died because of this job! I have to watch her be in pain every time she eats and worry about how much weight she's losing. My father disowned me on Thanksgiving because I am with Casey. I understand pressure, Mike. Forgive me thinking your definition of pressure is pretty damn pathetic compared to mine right now." Her voice breaks at the end involuntarily.

Mike looks down at the floor. He really feels badly, and Alex knows. He has always liked Casey, always spoke highly of her. And never judged her for her past.

Alex continues. "This woman puts her heart and soul into her work. You can't do this to her, Mike."

He gives Alex and apologetic look. "I am sorry, Alex. I don't want to do this; but I have no choice."

Alex sighs, knowing she isn't winning this one but not going down without a fight.

"You can't let that criminal win. Have they found anything to justify discharging her?"

"You know that doesn't matter, Alex. If you can get her to resign I'll accept that. She can avoid a termination on her record and find another job. But I have no other options, Alex. I am truly sorry."

Alex swallows. She has never felt more useless in her entire life. "Mike, you...you can't. I know eyes are on the office. But what kind of message do we send by firing one of our best prosecutors on the word of a criminal? Someone who _tried to murder her._ Do you not understand that? Is that not making sense at all, that this person who accused her literally tried to _kill_ her?"

"It wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for Casey's past...and you know that. You and I both know she has redeemed herself but as far as the State Bar is concerned she will always be a loose canon. There has been so much publicity surrounding this. Taylor even runs his own Twitter from prison for Christs sake. I tried to fight for her, Alex. I said I did not want to fire her. But I have a boss too. I have people above me, and I have to bend to their wishes. I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry."

Alex sinks into her chair, wishing she could disappear. "I told her everything would be okay. That I would fix this," Alex says, her voice small. "She is going to be crushed, Mike. Absolutely devastated. How can you fo this now, while she's still on medical leave? Jesus, let her heal first."

"I can't wait. I'm sorry. I was going to call her this afternoon. I can wait an extra day if you think you can talk her into resigning. That would be her best chance."

Alex knows that, but she also knows that Casey won't resign. She's too proud for that.

"Don't call her. Let me talk to her first. It will hurt less coming from me," Alex says with a sigh.

Just when things were looking up, they get rained on again.

 **Oh no! How bad do you think this is going to be? Is there anything they can do? Will Alex find a way?**


	20. Chapter 20

Casey has been looking at houses on her tablet for the last hour when Alex gets home. Her lease is up in three months and they have decided to not re-sign and to buy a house together.

Casey tosses a "Hi baby, how was your day?" over her shoulder from the couch when she hears Alex enter, not even looking up from her tablet.

Alex groans in response and steps out of the shoes that have been hurting her feet all day long and hangs her jacket on the rack by the door.

"My day sucked. Bad," Alex says as she approaches the couch.

Finally Casey looks up from her tablet. She can read the frustration on her fiancee's face and quickly puts down her electronic device, standing and capturing Alex's lip with a kiss. She intertwines their fingers and they sit down together, side by side.

"You want to talk about it?" Casey asks with concern, rubbing her thumb over the soft skin on the back of Alex's hand.

"Yeah. We're going to need to, I'm afraid." She sighs and rubs her temples. The beginnings of a migraine is building and she wills it away.

Alex turns and looks at Casey. The concern in her eyes is apparent but she still smiles that goofy smile that gets Alex every time, and Alex can't help but smile herself. Even when they were just friends that smile would break her.

Alex wonders if they were ever 'just friends' at all. Granted they never kissed or had sex, but they had a connection that Alex never felt with anyone else...not even Olivia. She found everything about Casey absolutely adorable and she didn't think much of it at the time, but looking back she's pretty sure she knew she was her soulmate early on.

Alex sighs heavily and is about to sit back against the cushion and break Casey's heart with what she has to tell her, when the tablet on the table distracts her. She picks it up and looks at the listing for a nice house that Casey had been looking at.

"I wanted to show you that one," Casey says, taking the tablet from her so she can show her every detail about the house. "We can wait until after you tell me what you need to if you want."

Alex shakes her head. She needs something good, something to look forward to, and she needs it now. "No. I want to see. Show me, please."

So Casey does. She talks quickly, as she does whenever she's excited about something. She shows Alex every picture of the house. It's much more elaborate than anything Casey would ever choose but the price is incredible, and as Casey keeps talking Alex discovers why.

The words "fixer upper" leaves Casey's lips and that does it for Alex.

"Sounds like a lot of work, Casey. It's beautiful, yes, but we are much too busy to put that much work into it."

"You can't beat the price," Casey argues. "Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a pool...And the location. It's a great neighborhood. It has updated appliances that come with the house. It's not big but it's so pretty and we could do all the work ourselves and make it our own! Plus it has a garage and a nice yard. Maybe we could get a dog someday."

Casey sounds so damn excited. She's so endearing to Alex when she gets this way, and Alex hasn't seen her like this in a long time.

"Do the work ourselves? Have you met me?" Alex asks with a laugh. "I can barely change a lightbulb!"

Casey laughs as well. "We could do what we can. Painting, things like that. Of course big things we would hire professionals for. I can do some stuff. Plus there's YouTube."

Alex can't believe she's actually considering this. The house is much smaller than the house she had with Olivia, but with a pool and an extra room at a fraction of the price just because it needs some work. Cost has never been a concern with her, but it is nice to think about saving money.

"I think it's too many bedrooms than we need, but it's the best deal I have found so far. We could each have a home office, and a guestroom. Plus the idea of working on our own house together is really exciting. And a pool, Alex!"

Casey's excitement is contagious and even after the terrible events of the day, Alex can't help but feel some of it. Their own house would be great. And Alex could get used to seeing Casey in a bikini in their own backyard. The idea of lounging poolside with her is definitely charming.

Alex finds herself smiling. "Well, send an email and find out when we can see it."

Casey sets the tablet back on the coffee table and smiles. "I sure will. Now, what did you need to talk to me about?"

Alex is smiling but it's a sad, tense smile. One reserved for bad news or when she knows Casey is in pain and she can't help her.

"I really don't know how to say this, Casey."

Not 'Baby' or 'sweetheart' but simply Casey. Alex is usually very affectionate with Casey. If she is calling her by her name, this is serious.

Casey sits as if she was programmed to do so, her eyes wide. There's a pain in her stomach that has nothing to do with the sandwich she just ate.

"Mike said he is going to fire you."

There - it's out. Out in the open, hanging in the air like a blinking neon sign.

Casey blinks rapidly, her mind not processing Alex's words fast enough. When she's finally able to speak, it's incoherent words. "He - what...why?"

Alex lays it all out and explains it to her. Relays everything Cutter told her. The whole situation is ridiculous and Alex has no intentions of just letting this go but she knows there is nothing they can do at the moment. The best thing is going to be for Casey to resign.

Alex is fully expecting Casey to be upset. To burst into tears the way she had when Mike had suspended her. And it would be understandable.

But instead of crying, Casey is angry.

She jumps up off the couch and starts to pace. "This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! They are making an example of me for something I didn't even do!"

"I know, Casey. I know it's wrong on every level. But you need to resign. You can say it's for medical reasons. You will be able to get another prosecutor job, Casey. But not if you get fired. I just want you to understand that."

"I'm not an idiot, Alex. I know that. But I did nothing wrong. Nothing. This kid tried to kill me. He's awaiting trial for attempted murder and still gets to ruin my life! I'm not letting him do it. And I'm not resigning either. I'm going to fight this. It's not fair, and for once I'm not turning over and taking it. If Mike fires me, it will be a big mistake."

Alex can't help but feel proud of the way Casey is so sure of herself. She's going to fight, and that makes her damn proud. She has the fire inside that Alex hasn't seen in a long time.

Alex stands as well. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you. If you want to fight back...we are fighting back. I'll call in every favor I'm owed, I'll call relatives I only speak to when I need legal help...I know there will be implications for me but I don't even care anymore. If they can do this to you, I don't even know if I want this job anymore."

Casey sits back down. "I don't want to cost you your career. I want you to just stay out of it. Not because I don't want your help; but because it will cost you. Let me fight this on my own."

"But you don't have to fight alone. I don't care what they do to me, Casey. This is not fair and you should not be paying this price."

Alex carries a lot of influence, and has a lot of contacts pretty high up in the law circuit. The State Bar wants to play this game; she will play back. How will they feel when someone is investigating them?

"I just want you to know that there will be mud slinging. You have to get dirty back, Casey, and I know that's not your style. I just want to prepare you. I'll stand with you, but you have to decide if you're ready for this."

Casey nods, locking eyes with Alex. "Oh, bring it. I'm through being kicked around. I put up with it with Charlie, I put up with it with McCoy; I'm not going to put up with it again. Mike wants to fire me...then he will have to fire me, because I am not resigning. They have not even finished investigating me. They won't find anything because there is nothing to find. I accepted the suspension but I'll be damned if I'm going to lose my job over this."

Alex smiles. She loves this side of Casey. "I am beyond thankful to hear you say that. You don't deserve to be pushed around by anyone, and you certainly don't deserve to be fired. I will make some calls but I won't get involved unless you ask me to, okay? But I am going to publicity support you. I'm not compromising on that one."

This is a side of Casey that Alex hasn't seen in a long while, and it lifts some of the stress right off her to know that Casey is not going to take this.

Her girl is a fighter. In every aspect of her life.

.2

Casey sits in the uncomfortable plastic chair in a visiting cubicle at Rikers, waiting for Taylor Trussel to be brought out so she can talk to him.

She didn't tell Alex she was coming today, as she knows her fiancee would have tried to talk her out of coming or would have insisted on coming along, and this is something Casey needs to do alone.

She could have sat face to face with him in an interrogation room. But with what she's feeling right now, she didn't trust herself to not lose her temper. And that could hurt her badly.

So instead she will sit and talk to him through glass.

She waits about ten minutes for Taylor to be brought out. As soon as he sees her, he sits down and sneers. Casey can feel the anger building inside her as she looks at him. He picks up the phone, and Casey does as well, glaring at him.

"You look remarkably good for someone I left bleeding and not breathing in the parking garage."

That statement confirms it was a good idea to see him this way. Casey knows she would have punched him in the face for that comment.

His eyes are cruel, and Casey feels cold when she looks into them despite wearing a wool turtleneck sweater.

"You turned eighteen a few days ago, so now I can call you a worthless peice of shit," Casey spits out.

Taylor laughs. Actually laughs, and it pisses Casey off more.

"Not very professional, Miss Novak."

"I'm not here as an Assistant District Attorney. I'm here as me; the person you tried to murder," Casey tells him.

"From wht I understand you won't be anywhere as an Assistant District Attorney anymore, am I right?" He sneers again, trying to get a rise out of Casey.

She ignores his comment. "I nearly died because of you. I had to have two surgeries, and I still have stomach problems. And now you're trying to murder me again by your lies and accusations. I want to know why. Your father committed the crimes, Taylor. I'm sorry that he did; but he was guilty. I understand you didn't want to think of your father that way. But he did it."

Taylor stares angrily at her. "You wouldn't listen to me. You would give him a break. You wouldn't look at anyone else."

Casey shakes her head. "I did look at other people. My detectives investigated every person you talked to me about. I personally saw the evidence. I'm good at my job, Taylor, and your father was guilty. I couldn't give him any breaks; he didn't deserve any breaks. I'm sorry it turned out that way."

He briefly looks away from her, not wanting to believe her. She swears she can see sadness in his eyes for a moment, but they quickly switch back to being cold.

"I know you think that by challenging my conviction and causing me to be investigated that you win. But you don't. You tried to murder me. You nearly suceeceed. You're going away for life. All those interviews you have done, all the 'followers' you have...you may be famous now, but you certainly won't be when they find I'm not dirty and you're sentenced to life in prison. You're going to be seen as the whiny little pussy that you are."

Casey normally wouldn't say such a thing; but she can't help herself. And at the passage of those words, Taylor's face goes crimson and he stands and slams the phone back into the receiver, barking something at the guard behind him.

Casey knows their little chat is over. She feels quite satisfied with herself as she stands and heads out of the room.

Next stop on Casey's "not gonna take it anymore" tour is the DA's office. It's been two days since Casey had the conversation with Alex regarding her job. Mike Cutter called her this morning and asked her to come in for a meeting. She knows he is expecting her resignation. But he's not going to get it.

The meeting goes about how Casey expects. Mike doesn't ask for her registration but gives her a chance to offer it up. And when she doesn't, apologies are thrown around. Meaningless words travel into Casey's ears and she remains calm and in charge. She's polite - as polite as anyone can be when losing their job.

And when she leaves Mike's office, she no longer carries her ADA badge. And as a parting gift she's given a couple boxes to pack up her office.

What a nice sendoff for someone who has given a combined ten years of service to the office.

But Casey vows to get the last laugh.

It should be humiliating walking to her office carrying boxes.

The first time she did it - almost ten years ago, it sure was. Eyes were on her, voices whispered. The rumor had been that she had been disbarred. She never even bothered to correct people. She had left with her tail between her legs, the wounds of her censure still fresh and bleeding.

But this time Casey doesn't allow herself to feel sorry for herself. She can feel her colleagues gazes as she walks, can imagine what they are saying this time. She wonders where Alex is, if she knows yet. She hasn't had a chance to text her.

She goes to her office for the last time and can't help but feel a little sad when she sees her name and former position displayed prominently on the door. She allows herself to feel sad and heaves a sigh as she sits at her desk once more.

She will miss this job; she loved this job. And she knows she may get it back but it could be months of fighting before she gets there.

Part of her wants to text Alex and ask her to come help her pack up her office. And the other part of her wants and needs to do it herself. Alex will probably catch wind of her being there anyway, if she's not in court.

She gets to work packing her personal items. She doesn't have much, really; some photos from her desk, some framed certificates and recognitions, some of her baseball memorabilia.

She really one needs one box and when she's packed what she cares about she thinks it really is sad that her entite tenure is summed up in one box.

She was told to leave anything work related and she doesn't care about the mini fridge or the furniture that she bought herself.

She says one final goodbye to her office and heads out the door.

.2

Casey should be at home. She should be there making some calls and starting to fight back.

Instead she's sitting in a back booth at the cop bar she used to frequent with the squad, and occasionally would third wheel when Olivia and Alex had been together.

She hasn't been here in so long. It's been close to a year at least. She doesn't recognize any of the bartenders or servers.

This is the same booth she always used to sit in to nurse her wounds. In fact, she came here the day the State Bar decided to suspend her license for three years. Seems only appropriate she would come here after being fired again.

She has a basket of mozzarella sticks sitting in front of her and is working on her third beer. She knows she is going to pay for this much grease and alcohol.

"I suffer no matter what I eat, so fuck it," she says aloud to no one in particular.

She's drunk.

She didn't mean to be, but she sure is. Words slurring, numb to any pain drunk.

She shouldn't be drinking like this. She can feel her stomach burning already. This was a terrible idea.

But it had seemed like a good idea two hours ago.

She's had just enough to get chatty. She wanders away from her booth and sits on a stool at the bar, waving her glass and demanding a refill.

Once the refill is given, she stares at the glass. She shouldn't drink it. She should go home and sober up and make dinner for Alex. She will be out of work soon.

But drunk Casey doesn't respond well to logic and soon she has nearly finished the glass.

She's talking to the bartender, Linda. "I've had a fucked up day. A fucked up life, really."

Linda is nodding and listening and Casey knows she doesn't care but she keeps talking anyway.

"I think you're pretty, if that makes you feel any better."

Casey turns her head towards the voice and sees a man in a suit smiling at her. He has dark hair and a Calvin Klein ad smile. He gets up and sits on the empty stool next to Casey.

Instinctively she flinches away and waves her hand so he can see her ring. "I'm a mess. And I'm engaged."

"Lucky guy. But, let me buy you another anyway." He leans in too closely, his breath reeking of alcohol.

Casey shrinks away. "I'm not having another. And my future wife would not like you talking to me."

He's silent and Casey thinks he has gotten the point. But suddenly his hand is on her thigh and he whispers, "My name is Drew. I won't tell her if you don't."

Casey stares at his hand. It shouldn't be there. She doesn't want it there, and he has no right touching her.

Normally in these circumstances Casey would say something snarky and simply get up and leave. It's hardly the first time someone unwanted has come onto her.

Casey doesn't know if it's the alcohol or the fact that she lost her job today, or a combination of both. But whatever the reason, she lashes out and reacts in a way she never would have before.

She screams at him to stop touching her. So loudly, that everyone in the bar turns around and looks at her.

Drew looks around in horror, realizing the attention that Casey is drawing. She keeps screaming at him while he scrambles in his wallet and tosses some bills on the table before staggering to his feet.

The bartender is trying to quiet Casey down as two off duty cops approach, concerned. The bar tender quickly says, "he was just coming onto her. She's had too many."

Drew is out of the bar now but Casey doesn't stop carrying on. She stands up unsteadily and nearly knocks her stool over.

A young man and woman are approaching her gently, and it's apparent they want to calm her down.

The woman tries to get her to sit back down

"Hey, it's okay. I'm Paige, and this is Connor. The guy is gone. He left. You're okay. Can we call someone for you?"

Casey knows she should ask them to call her a can. Just go home and forget this happened.

But she's had too much to let it go. She's not thinking logically right now.

Casey points to the door, "why did you let him get away? People can't get away with what they get away with! They just can't!"

She's not making any sense but continues to babble on. Paige and Connor are trying to get her to sit back down and let them call someone for her.

"Where is her phone? We need to call someone for her," Connor tells the bartender. She tells him where Casey had been sitting and he gets up to go get her phone.

"What's your name?" Paige asks with a smile, trying to get Casey to warm up to her.

Casey is standing with her arms crossed, still talking nonsense. She doesn't tell Paige her name but does tell her she just wants to go home.

Connor approaches them with an uneasy look on his face. "No phone. And no purse. Did you come in with them?"

Casey is in no shape to search her memory, but she knows she did. She wouldn't leave her phone or purse in the car and she remembers texting Alex from the booth. Had she left her purse and phone sitting at the table? Why would she do such a dumb thing?

"I - I - " Casey starts to say.

And then suddenly, just like that, she is overwhelmed by everytbing. The realization of the events of the day hit her and for the first time she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to be strong.

She is thinking clearly even in her stupor as she sits back down and says, "I'm a fucking mess."

 **Poor Casey, trying so hard to be strong. do you think Alex is going to be mad?**


	21. Chapter 21

Casey is definitely feeling the effects of her little pity party of one now.

She stumbles out of the restroom after getting violently sick, her stomach burning and aching. She falls into the nearest booth and puts her head down.

Someone called Alex - she doesn't know who. She was barely able to utter out her number before she had to run to the restroom and purge her body of the alcohol and grease and put into it.

Paige and Connor are respectful enough to keep a distance but still wait for Alex to arrive before they feel all right leaving Casey.

Casey's had her head resting on the cold hard tabletop for about a half hour when Alex arrives.

Alex spots her immediately and her heart drops. She instantly feels like someone is twisting her insides.

She looks at the bartender and asks, "I'm Alex Cabot. Someone called me about my fiancee. Are they here?"

Paige and Connor turn around from their barstools and introduce themselves. Turns out they are partners, beat cops from lower Manhattan. Alex is surprised she has never met them.

"A man at the bar hit on her. Upset her quite a bit. And we could not find her purse or phone; I'm sorry."

Alex profusely thanks them for looking after her girl and explains she is going through a lot. She slowly walks over to the booth where Casey is sitting. Without a word she slides in beside her, and Casey lifts her head just enough to realize who is sitting next to her.

Casey feels immense relief, like she can breathe and be herself again. She's still upset but nowhere near as bad as she had been.

A tear makes its way down her cheek as she softly says Alex's name and puts her head on her shoulder. Alex places a hand on her back.

"I'm here, baby. Let's get you home, okay?"

Casey nods and stands shakily. She keeps a firm hand on Casey's back as they walk towards the bar.

They stop long enough for Alex to pay Casey's tab and for Casey to thank Paige and Connor for helping her.

Casey is still drunk but at least she's aware and functioning. "I lost my purse and my phone. Or someone took them. I left them on the table like an idiot."

Alex heads straight for Casey's car and asks her for the keys. She took a cab so she could drive Casey's car home and Casey happily settles for the passenger seat.

"We will deal with it tomorrow. Okay?" Alex says as she slips in the driver's side door. Her foot hits something on the floor and she reaches down and feels relief when she sees what ir is. "Well scratch that...here's your purse."

She hands it Casey and she sighs in relief. Her phone is still missing but at least that's easier to deal with them lost or stolen credit cards and drivers license and passport.

Casey had been expecting Alex to be somewhat upset with her. But she isn't. Casey can always tell when she's upset, even when she tries to hide it.

And this is not Alex Cabot upset.

Still, Casey feels the need to apologize. 'I - I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex briefly looks at her and smiles before returning her attention to the road. "You don't need to apologize. You're allowed to blow off steam just like everyone else. You're going through a lot. I just wish you would have told me that you were seeing Mike today and that you cleared out your office."

"I just felt like I had to do it alone," Casey says softly. "Then I felt like I needed a drink so I could stop thinking about things. Then another, then another."

Alex shakes her head. "I understand. How many times did you pick me up at that very same bar after I would drown my sorrows after losing a case? More times than I can count. This is the first time I've ever picked you up. I've got you beat on this. But of course you know I always have to be the best."

Casey smiles a little and holds her stomach. "My stomach really hurts. I threw up a couple of times."

"We'll get you cleaned up and into bed and I'll get you some of your pain meds as soon as we get home."

True to her word, Alex helps Casey get undressed and into some clean bed clothes when they get home. Casey stands there like a rag doll, letting the blonde dress her and tuck her into bed.

So much for being strong.

Alex is sitting next to Casey, stroking her forehead gently. "Someone hit on you?"

Casey nods. "This guy. He touched my leg and I freaked out. I shouldn't have reacted that way."

That angers Alex but she knows it's not the time to dwell on it. Casey has to sleep this off and completely sober up. Her eyes are still glassy, and she still speaks with a slight slur.

"Well he obviously has good taste. But good thing I wasn't there." Alex says it with a smile, and Casey can't help but smile back when she thinks of Alex's protective and jealous side.

Alex rushes off and fetches her a couple pain pills and a glass of water. By the time Alex is dressed for bed, Casey is already asleep.

Alex presses a kiss to her neck and whispers, "You're my baby, and I love you," before settling down into Casey's back and falling asleep herself.

.2

Hangovers suck.

Casey can't remember the last time she had one. After her censure maybe. Or maybe it was the last time she lost a big case.

All she knows is she's getting too old for this. Her body is screaming at her - actually, swearing at her is closest to the truth.

It's after eleven AM and she still isn't out of bed. Her body aches and her headache is so bad she can actually feel her head pounding.

She's thankful Alex had enough sense to put the garbage pail by the bed before she left for work. She needed it as soon as her eyes popped open.

Alex left her a little care package on the nightstand. A bottle of water, bottle of Aleve, her pain meds and a note. Her neat handwriting scrawled across the note, _Hope you feel better. I love you. Call me later._ Her name is written below a handrawn heart. It makes Casey's heart soar.

Casey has plans for the day. She intends to submit a formal appeal on her discharge, and is going to research any lawsuits against the State Board. She's not going to sit on this and intends to make as much noise as possible.

Casey sends Alex a quick email letting her know she's okay and she's going to go get a new phone later. When she's done with the email, she logs onto Facebook.

She hasn't logged on Facebook in over a year. She never saw the point. The DA's office had strict rules regarding social media use so Casey would mainly just lurk on her friends or post pictures. Alex regularly cruises Facebook but Casey could have cared less.

Except for now.

She goes to Alex's page just to see when the last time she was on. Her profile picture has changed. Casey's smiles when she she's what Alex changed it to.

The picture from the Photostrip from the mall she had given her. The one Casey had liked the most, where Alex is kissing Casey's cheek and Casey is grinning widely.

In the 'About' section, it says 'Engaged to Casey Novak.'

There's something about those words that makes Casey feel like a million bucks. Alex has been a private person. Their relationship was never a secret, but to see it spelled out like that means so much to Casey. Alex really is proud to be with her.

Casey laughs as she browses Alex's timeline. She had no idea her fiancee posted so much. There's pictures of Alex's ring and she goes on about how happy she is and how the ring and her fiancee are both beautiful.

There's a lot of pictures of her and Casey, and Casey thinks it's endearing that her soon to be wife brags about her so much.

She just hopes she will still brag about her after all this.

Casey quickly updates her profile as 'engaged to Alex Cabot' and removes Assisitant District Attorney as her job.

She types out a short status. _Fired from my job yesterday. Details to follow soon._

She wants to get people she knows talking. In the next couple of days she will upload pictures of her surgical scars. She wants to create chatter before she comes out with what they are doing to her.

Alex said she has to get dirty.

She plans on getting filthy.

3.

Alex is due home any minute, and Casey is busily getting herself ready to go out.

She wants to take Alex to a nice dinner. They haven't really been out since she's been home from the hospital, and Alex needs a nice surprise evening out.

Casey stopped and got a new dress on her way back from getting a new phone. It's a blue strapless dress, the kind Casey hates to wear but Alex loves to see her in. It's a bit too tight in the ass but somehow Casey doesn't think that Alex will mind. She won't be wearing it long after dinner anyway.

She's spent an hour curling her hair. It shouldn't have taken that long, but Casey can never get it to look right.

She wishes she was as flawlessly perfect as Alex. She rolls out of bed looking like a runway model. Casey has never even seen her with a hair out of place.

Casey hears Alex get home but doesn't come out of the bathroom. She hears her keys hit the key rack, and her footsteps moving around the apartment looking for Casey.

The bathroom door is open and Alex finds the object of her desire quickly and easily. She has to take a breath to calm herself; Casey looks absolutely ravaging

"Why are you dressed up?" Alex asks, cocking an eyebrow and thoroughly enjoying what she's looking at. She tries to stay causual.

Casey pauses while applying her lipstick and says, "I have a date."

Alex looks amused. "Do you? With whom?"

"Just this chic," Casey answers back. "Something tells me she likes my hair curled."

Alex plays right along and saunters into the bathroom seductively. She's still wearing her suit from court this afternoon, and she kisses Casey down her neck, hindering her makeup applying abilities.

Casey stifles a moan and bites her lip. She knows if they get started they won't stop anytime soon, and she wants to go out. So she forces herself to not get carried away and simply kisses her back.

"This chic, is she pretty?" Alex asks.

Casey makes a face. "No. She thinks she is though."

Alex laughs. She can't keep her hands off Casey; she never can. She touches her back and looks her up and down. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Casey. What do you have planned?"

Casey grins at her. "I'm taking you to dinner. Get dressed."

Forty minutes later, they are ready to go. Alex let's Casey take the helm and be in complete control of their evening out. She's really happy to be going out, and happy that Casey is dealing so well with what is happening.

Alex wears a pink dress that Casey hasn't seen before. It's absolutely beautiful, with sparkling sequins and looks like it came right out of a photo shoot. Alex has her hair down, and she's wearing her usual shade of lipstick. She's opted for contacts instead of her glasses. She seldom wears them on dates, but Casey wishes she would. She loves Alex in glasses.

Casey leads her out of the apartment by the hand and of course holds the car door open for her. She's always so polite and considerate.

She takes Alex to an upscale steak house a few miles away. Not a restaurant that you need to be so dressed up for, but Casey had wanted to look nice. Alex gives no objections as they walk hand in hand inside and wait only a few minutes to be seated.

They've been at this restaurant several times and always like the food and the friendly service. Casey is well aware that she is isn't going to be able to eat what she usually does, but promises herself she's going to eat a good size meal. Alex has been commenting that she is getting too skinny and doesn't want to give her anything else to worry about.

They order their food and a bottle of wine to share and then fall into easy chatter.

"Did you get a phone today?" Alex asks, pouring them each a glass when the wine arrives.

Casey nods. She reaches into her purse and slides it across the table to Alex.

Alex picks it up. "You didn't get an iPhone?"

Casey wrinkles her face up and looks at Alex. "You know I hate Apple products. They are so cliche and boring. That's the Samsung Note 8; I can take notes on it with the stylus. It's an upgrade from what I had." She grabs it out of Alex's hand. "Stop looking at it like it. You're going to hurt its feelings. Just wait until you play with it. You'll be jealous."

"Doubt it," Alex says, and Casey makes a face at her. "Your old phone didn't turn up, huh?"

Casey sighs. "I'm pretty sure I left it on the table at the bar. Someone probably walked off with it. Or I put it somewhere and can't remember where. I was really drunk, Alex. But I did have a lock put on the phone so no one else can activate it. All my photos were backed up in the cloud so I got them back, thank goodness."

Alex smiles. "Good. We make absolutely adorable photos together, don't we?"

Casey nods, agreeing that they do. She loves every picture she has of the two of them together.

Their food finally arrives and they eat in silence for several minutes until Alex shatters it with, "there's something I want to tell you."

Casey finishes a bite of her pasta and takes a long sip of her wine, nodding. Alex has switched into serious mode, and that makes Casey nervous.

"I've been waiting for the right time to tell you this. Something about me you don't know. Something not even Olivia knows."

Casey reaches across the table and takes Alex's hand. "You can tell me anything, baby."

She thought they knew absolutely everything about each other. But if there's something Alex has been hiding for whatever reason, she wants her to know she doesn't have to.

Alex looks at Casey and sees nothing but love and trust in her eyes. And that's what she needs. She always trusted Olivia too, but never told her this because she knew Olivia would forever judge her for it. And probably never forgive her.

Casey doesn't push Alex; she just sits patiently and waits until Alex is ready to talk. She rubs her thumb on the back of her hand softly and soothing. Alex loves it when she does that. It relaxes her completely.

"Well you know when he was bureau chief I had a , uh, thing with Jim Steele..."

Casey makes a face. "Yeah. I already knew about that."

Alex sighs. She is well aware of how Casey feels about Jim Steele, and even more aware of what Casey thinks about the little fling she had with him. Casey wasn't in her life at the time, but right now Alex wishes she had been.

"Well what you don't know is I got pregnant with his baby and had an abortion."

There - she said it all. Sometimes the truth comes in small spurts.

Casey can't believe what she just heard. It's so shocking that her mouth drops open and she just stares at Alex.

Casey has always been pro-choice and would never judge someone for a choice they made. But somehow applying this to Alex seems wrong. She can't wrap her mind around the fact that Alex did it; that she even had to ever make the decision at all.

"It was a stupid mistake and we weren't careful. First time in my life I wasn't careful about something and I paid for it. I never told him. To this day he doesn't know. I never told anyone. I just...went to the clinic and two hours later went to work like nothing happened." Her voice breaks, even though she doesn't mean for it to.

"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry." Casey squeezes Alex's hand. "Please tell me someone went with you. That you didn't go alone. "

Alex shakes her head. "I just told you I didn't tell anyone."

The idea of Alex having to deal with something like that alone breaks Casey's heart. She wishes they had been friends then. She would have been there for her, would have gone with her.

"I just didn't want a baby. I knew Jim didn't either, and I had no interest being with him. I loved my career and only my career. I thought about adoption for a split second but I didn't want to go through any of it. Plus imagine what people would have said about me giving my baby up. I definitely didn't want it. It wasn't a hard decision for me at all. I instantly decided. I know people struggle with this kind of decision, but I didn't. And I felt that wasn't right. That it made me cold, or evil. It was the right decision for me and I know it, but still, sometimes I think about it and feel guilty just becsuse I didn't feel bad enough about it."

"Of course you do. You always will," Casey tells her. "But it doesn't make you cold or evil. You knew what was right for you, and you did it."

Casey smiles warmly at Alex, her fiancee's sky blue eyes shining. "It doesn't change how I feel about you, sweetheart. You know that. Mistakes happen. I just wish you had told me sooner. I love you, Alex, and I want us to be honest with each other about everything. I thought we were."

"We are," Alex assures her. "That's why I'm telling you now, before we are married. Because I always want to be honest. It was the only thing you didn't know about me, Casey - I swear."

Casey believes her; absolutely believes her and trusts her one hundred percent. She is hiding nothing from Alex, but if she were, she would tell her at this moment.

"Why didn't you tell Olivia?" Casey asks curiously.

Alex finishes chewing her food before she speaks. "She's always wanted a baby. I don't think she would have understood. She would have said she did, but I don't think she ever really would have and it would have bothered her."

"What made you decide to tell me now?" Casey asks. She's struggling to eat her pasta; she still doesn't have an appetite.

Alex kind of laughs. "It's so silly...makes me sound like a teenager..."

Casey smiles. "What?"

"Well I saw that you were on Facebook today. I never thought you went on there any more. And you changed your relationship status and it just...meant the world to me. I can't explain why. I started crying right at my desk."

Casey laughs and Alex gives her an odd, hurtful look. "I'm sorry, babe. I wasn't laughing at you. I'm laughing because when I saw you had done it, I felt the same thing. I guess Facebook official means something."

Alex laughs lightly back. "I guess it does."

"Did anyone at the office say anything about me today?" Casey knows the gossip is probably already flying around.

"Not in front of me. They don't dare."

"I want to apologize again for last night. I am embarassed, and deeply sorry," Casey offers up, holding Alex's gaze.

"Absolutely no reason to apologize, as I said. You are entitled to a meltdown. If it happened every night we would be having a different conversation. But I understand where you were at the time; I've been there too." Alex is so accepting, and so understanding.

They enjoy the rest of their meal. It's the first real date they have had a long time. They don't talk about what Casey is going to do now, or Alex's job, or anything that is going on. They just enjoy being with each other and having a nice meal.

When the dinner is over they walk arm in arm into the parking lot but Casey steers Alex away from the car. Alex gives her an odd look as she heads for the nearby sidewalk instead.

It's chilly and Alex zips her coat up all the way, wishing now that she hadn't worn a dress. Her legs are freezing as Casey leads her down the sidewalk.

"Just what are you up to, Novak?" Alex asks.

She has her answer a few minutes later when Casey stops in front of a horse drawn carriage and smiles goofily at her. It takes Alex all of about ten seconds to figure out that Casey arranged this, and her heart soars.

The driver takes his hat off and greets them both with a smile. "Hello, ladies. You look lovely this evening. I'm Ernie and I'll be your chauffeur."

Alex smiles gratefully as Erine steps down and assists them both in getting in the carriage. Once they are seated, he places a heavy flannel blanket over their laps and tells them to let him know if they need anything.

The carriage starts to move, the steady clop-clop of the horse's hooves the only sound that can be heard. It's so peaceful and beautiful, the perfect way to end this evening.

Alex snuggles down against Casey, laying her head on her shoulder and sighing contently. She pulls the blanket around them tighter and feels Casey relax next to her.

They are taken around the city, and it's beautiful sight this evening. There's no snow but Christmas lights are everywhere, lighting up the usually cruel city. People are strolling down the streets happily, the excitement of the holidays upon them.

Alex loves this. She can't remember the last time she went on a carriage ride. She looks at Casey and grins ear to ear like a child.

Casey did this for her; just for her.

"Look at the stars," Casey comments, taking her arm out from under the blanket just long enough to point at them. "It's such a clear night. They're beautiful, just like you. I wish I could capture them for you."

Alex kisses Casey deeply and intensely..She holds the back of her head, and they don't break apart until the need for air becomes vital. Then they rest their foreheads together and gaze into each other's eyes.

Alex finally knows what true love looks like. It looks like Casey Novak. It can be seen in her beautiful green eyes, and her smile.

It can be felt in Alex's heart every time she touches or looks at her.

And it's what she wants to feel every day for the rest of her life.

 **I Casey is more likely to use Facebook than Alex but it's necessary for where I'm going with the story.**

 **Just a side note: I had Casey lose her phone for a reason. And don't worry; she is not done fighting for her job.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry this is kind of a filler chapter but next one things start to heat up with Casey trying to get her job back.**

Alex rolls over in bed, the glow from Casey's tablet keeping her awake. She knows now why she awoke; she usually can't sleep unless she's cuddled with Casey and the redhead is sitting up in bed.

Casey notices her girl stirring. "I'm sorry, babe. I couldn't sleep. I'm reading up on others who have taken on the State Board. It's possible. People have done it. And I got an email from the Realtor of that house; we can see it tomorrow."

Alex pulls herself upright, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking at the tablet over Casey's shoulder.

She sees Facebook is open. "You updated? I wanna see."

Before Casey can say anything, Alex grabs the tablet out of Casey's lap and looks at what she posted on Facebook.

Casey studies her expression, trying to gauge how Alex feels about what she's seeing before she says it.

"You put pictures of your injuries on here. Right after surgery." She meets Casey's eyes. "Don't you think that should be private?"

"I think it's necessary," Casey tells her. "Most people don't know how bad it really was. How close I came to dying. They need to see, to realize how wrong it was to fire me."

Alex looks at the tablet again and raises an eyebrow. "Well, you have ten likes already."

Casey grabs the tablet back in disbelief. "Really? I just posted."

The likes are from former colleagues and people that Casey casually knows. As she is looking, a former colleague types, "it's so messed up what happened to you. I'm ashamed to work for this office. I'm on your side, Casey!"

It lifts Casey's spirits and makes her smile to know that people are starting to take notice and are on her side.

Casey shuts down the tablet and places it on the nightstand, deciding that's enough for now. She needs to turn her brain off and go to sleep with her soon to be wife.

Alex immediately cuddles into Casey as soon as she lies down. It calms Casey immensely, that warm feeling of love surging through her.

"What time can we see the house?" Alex asks.

"Noon."

Alex smiles into Casey's shoulder. "Good. Then we can sleep in."

Casey turns so she's facing Alex, even though it's dark and they can't really see each other.

"Would you really let me get a dog when we get a house?" she asks excitedly.

Alex is on the fence about it; she wants Casey to have one because she wants one, but Alex has never much liked dogs and their lives and busy and hectic and they may have enough time to dedicate to a dog. A cat would be better, but Casey dislikes cats.

"Let you? I don't control you," Alex says. "A pet is just something we need to decide on together. Let's wait until the time is right and then discuss it, okay?"

"I just feel, with me not working right now and is uncertain how long, I would really like something to look after instead of just myself. A dog would be a good running buddy. Something to take care of, you know?"

Alex smiles. "I'm plenty needy for you. But I understand what you mean. We'll see, okay?"

Casey nods, satisfied with that answer. She snuggles down into Alex's chest and Alex starts stroking her hair. "Don't worry about working right now. We are fine."

"I'm not going to be without a job," Casey tells hers. "I'll find something temporarily until this is all resolved."

Casey is stubborn; just as stubborn as Alex.

"If that's what you want, but don't do anything that's going to make you miserable. You could easily get a job at a law firm. Probably even make partner quickly."

Casey squashes that. "I'm not interested in working in a sleazy law firm."

"They aren't all bad," Alex tells her. "I know some people."

"Please Alex, don't use your influence. Any job I get I want to get on my own. Please."

Alex understands and respects that. She just doesn't want Casey to take on too much pressure. She doesn't always deal with it well.

"Since you confessed something to me, I want to confess something to you," Casey ssys. "I don't have any secrets from you but I have never felt pretty in my life until I met you. Even when we were friends, you always made me feel beautiful and special. No one really called me beautiful or cute before."

"Then everyone is blind, because you are, my dear." Alex wraps her arms tightly around Casey. "You always think you have to try. You don't. You're gorgeous all the time, no matter what you do."

Casey smiles. "I think you may be biased."

"Possibly. But you know I'm always right."

"Infuriatingly so, yes." Casey gives a small eye roll. "I think I would be lost without you, though."

Alex kisses her softly. "You would be. But it won't happen, so don't worry."

Casey cuddles closer to Alex and can feel her breath on her face. "Don't get me anything for Christmas this year. You're my present."

Alex squeezes her. "No returns on me. All sales final."

"Damn," Casey says with a laugh. "Hey, let's put the Christmas tree up tomorrow! I have an artificial one and a bunch of lights in my storage closet. We can do it together; it will be fun!"

Alex always used to let Olivia handle all the decorating but she finds she is excited by the idea of putting a tree and decorations up with Casey. It's like a first for their relationship; first Christmas as a couple. It's a milestone and they both want it to be perfect.

Alex falls asleep to the sound of her fiance's excited chatter about making the apartment Christmas central and shopping at the crowded mall, and snow.

.2

"I love this house!" Casey muses, turning around and putting an arm around Alex's shoulder. The excited look in her eye brings a smile to Alex's face.

They've just done a walkthrough and seen every part of the house. The pool needs some love; it hasn't been kept up on and needs a very thorough cleaning. The pool area has chipped marble tiles.

The house itself is very nice despite needing work. One bedroom upstairs has a leaky ceiling and the upstairs bathroom needs the plumbing worked on. Alex absolutely hated the shower. It was far too small and didn't have a door.

Downstairs is in better shape. One of the walk in closet doors doesn't close and the kitchen needs the floor redone, but otherwise it's very clean and modern. Alex had been surprised that the appliances are so modern and nice.

They are standing in the living room in front of the fireplace and Alex asks the realtor to give them a minute to discuss it.

As soon as she's gone, Casey looks at Alex, her excitement disappearing when she realizes that Alex doesn't look quite as enthused. "You hate it, don't you?"

"I don't hate it," Alex says. "It's very nice and we could make it perfect. But it seems like a lot of work. That bathroom upstairs is dreadful. That shower would have to go."

"But that's what would make it ours," Casey says. "It wouldn't take that long."

Alex still doesn't look convinced and looks away, and Casey sighs. "Of course we can look at other places. But the location is great; nice quiet neighborhood and we aren't going to do better for the price. It's a steal, Alex. But let's keep looking."

Alex hates how disappointed Casey is. She starts to walk towards the door when Alex catches her arm. "Hey, wait. I'm not opposed to this house. I just want to make sure we are ready for it."

"I would work on it every spare second I have," Casey promises. "And we could have the roof and the bathroom fixed before we even move in. The rest I can do myself. The pool we don't have to worry about until spring."

She looks at Alex and all her enthusiasm just fades. "But I can tell you aren't so sure, so let's just go."

Before Alex can say anything Casey brushes past her out the door. Alex watches her walk to the car and sighs.

The realtor reappears at that moment, her expression hopeful despite the fact that only Alex remains in the house. "What did you ladies decide?"

Alex looks out at the car once more. The decision was made before they even came here and Alex knows it. Yes they can look at other places, but Casey wants this one and Alex wants to give it to her.

"I want to put an offer in," Alex tells the realtor with a smile.

Alex doesn't tell Casey that she put an offer in. She wants it to be a surprise.

When she gets back to the car Casey is busily typing away on her phone. She immediately puts the phone down and puts her seatbelt on when Alex climbs in the passenger side.

"Telling everyone what a bitch I am?" Alex asks with amusement.

Casey frowns at her. "Of course not. Replying to some comments on Facebook and checking my email. I submitted my appeal on my discharge yesterday and am waiting to hear back."

Alex had read her appeal and given her feedback on how to make it as effective as possible. In the appeal she outlined all her accomplishments and her impressive conviction record and demanded to know just what grounds they had to recommend her being fired.

She'd also filed a complaint with the DA's office, going after Mike Cutter in particular for wrongful termination. She knows that's going to get ugly and probably place Alex right in the middle of it where she doesn't belong, but she has no intentions of letting him or the State Bar get away with firing her over accusations from a criminal.

They don't talk much on the drive home; they are each lost in their own thoughts and Casey is still a little upset that Alex wasn't more excited about the house.

When they get home Casey announces she's going to take a shower. Alex knows this is the perfect opportunity to cheer her up so she lingers outside the bathroom door until she hears the water turn on.

She smiles and removes her clothes, letting them fall to a pile on the floor outside the bathroom door. Then she slowly opens the door and goes in.

She tip toes to the shower door, wanting to surprise Casey but not wanting to startle her. Slowly she puts her hand on the shower door and opens it.

Casey turns around and looks at her with surprise which immediately turns into a smile as she very much likes what she sees.

Alex steps inside and Casey closes the shower door and crashes Alex against it. She hits her head against the door and Casey apologizes profusely until Alex's tongue and mouth fighting for dominance forces her to shut up.

Alex is still against the shower door and she moves from Casey's mouth to her neck, kissing her way down it and making her moan. Casey has her hand between Alex's legs tickling her thighs and is so close to her core that she involuntarily releases her juices all over Casey's hand.

"Casey...no teasing," Alex manages to struggle out. "Please. I...I can't take it."

Casey smiles, enjoying having complete control over her pleasure. Alex is gripping her shoulder and her fingers dig into her flesh when Casey's fingers enter. She rolls her head back and thrusts against Casey's fingers, her entire body tingling. God, she is fantastic. She satisfies her every need, every time.

Alex doesn't silence until Casey removes her fingers from. She practically falls to the floor of the shower, trying to catch my breath.

Casey helps steady her and hands Alex her favorite bottle of shampoo. Alex knows exactly what she wants her to do, so she squeezes out a quarter size amount in her hand and start massaging it into her hair. She puts her mouth to her shoulder blades and kissed each one.

Shampoo is lathered in Casey's hair and Alex runs her fingers down her back seductively, tickling her. She stretches her back and leans into Alex's touch. She makes her way down to her buttcheeks and lightly tickles them as well.

Casey spins around so she's facing Alex now and lathers her hair with her shampoo. It's not the kind she usually like to use and she knows it, but she gives no objections.

Once she's got me Alex lathered up, she tells her with her eyes what she wants her to do. And Alex follow orders well.

She pushes Casey against the shower wall and kisses her breasts, tickling her stomach and sides with her wandering hands.

Then she gives her what she really wants and enters her. Casey likes it when Alex uses more fingers, and she moans in pleasure and slight pain and her muscles tighten against Alex's fingers.

She's making sounds that only Alex can elicit from her and she's damn proud of herself. She's bucking and screaming Alex's name until she stops. And when she does, Casey slides down the wall with her back and sits on the marbled tile shower floor panting.

Alex takes a look at what she reduced her fiancee to and offers her a hand to help her stand. "Damn, baby," she says, her breathing still not steady. "I think you almost killed me."

Alex smiles and lightly fingers the scars on her stomach. "Nothing can kill you. You're a superhero."

.4

Casey and Aled have just returned from their first run in weeks. Casey's at the point in her recovery where she can start exercising and she's more than ready. Running has always helped her clear her head.

Boy can she tell it's been awhile. She's quite winded much sooner than usual and her legs hurt when she returns home. She struggles to catch her breath and falls onto the couch.

Her stomach is hurting. It started hurting almost as soon as she started running but she plowed through it. It's understandable considering how much damage was done.

But the pain doesn't go away, even after she takes a couple pain meds.

She figures she will take it easy the rest of the day and doesn't think much else about it.

She and Alex work on cleaning the apartment the rest of the afternoon and moving all of Casey's Christmas storage boxes to the living room so they can decorate.

But Casey finds it hard to focus. The pain in her stomach is getting worse and spreading upwards until she feels a burning sensation, like a really bad case of heartburn.

Not long after she's in the bathroom, getting sick. She turns on the faucet so Alex won't hear her.

The strain certainly doesn't help her stomach, and after she's finished she rests her head on her arm.

She moves to flush the toilet and it's then she sees it, and her heart stops.

She has blood in her vomit. Not a lot, but enough to notice and be concerning.

Her first thought is that her stomach may have ripped open from her running. With the way it's hurting, she wouldn't be surprised.

God, she doesn't want more surgery.

She decides not to tell Alex. She isn't sure anything is wrong and there's no reason to worry her unnecessarily. If it's still a problem come tomorrow she will deal with it then.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Alex asks when Casey returns to the living room. She always knows when something is wrong with her girl.

Casey is still hurting but sits down on the floor beside Alex and starts digging through a box. "Yeah. Why?"

"You've been quiet. Really quiet for you."

"I'm just tired. Sore and tired from our run."

Alex accepts that answer easily and Casey hurts inside, wishing she didn't have to lie to her girl.

They take all the lights out of the box and work on untangling them. Alex gives this up easily, not having the patience for it and leaves Casey to do it on her own while she goes and fetches them beer from the kitchen.

Casey chuckles when Alex hands her a can of beer. She's always found the fact that Alex Cabot drinks cheap beer to be amusing. Very amusing.

They don't work on the decorations for very long. Sitting on the floor is making Casey's stomach pain worse and she tells Alex she's tired and just wants to relax.

Casey isn't even aware that she's fallen asleep until she wakes up. She she's leaned against Alex on the couch and sits upright, momentarily confused as to how and when she fell asleep.

But she doesn't have long to think about it. Casey jumps up off the couch and runs to the bathroom, knowing she's going to get sick. She hears Alex behind her but slams the door of the bathroom.

That doesn't stop Alex. She goes in the bathroom and rubs Casey's back as she gets sick into the toilet.

Then she sees the blood, and becomes horrified. She grabs a washcloth and wets it, handing it to Casey when she's finished getting sick.

Alex is sitting on the bathroom floor next to Casey, and smoothes her hair back behind her ear with a smile. "I think we need to get you checked out, baby. You shouldn't be throwing up blood."

Casey sighs and nods. She knows nothing she can say would change Alex's mind anyway.

She allows Alex to pull her up off the floor and walk her out of the bathroom.

"How long has this been going on?" Alex asks, sensing it's not the first incident.

"I got sick when we came back from our run."

Alex frowns at her. "And you didn't tell me why?"

"Didn't want to worry you." She sits on the couch and Alex puts her shoes on. "Look, I'm fine. Think I just got too active. I'll call the doctor tomorrow."

Alex shakes her head. "Get your coat. This is not debatable."

Casey sighs. "Alex I don't want to spend all night in the ER! What if I need surgery again?"

Alex is not in the mood to argue with her. "Exactly. If that's the case then we can't afford to wait. Get your coat and let's go."

Casey heads towards the bedroom. "Let's just go to bed and I'll go to urgent care tomorrow."

Alex steps in front of Casey, blocking her path. Blue eyes meet green and Casey sees just how worried and serious the blonde is.

Alex reaches out and takes her hand. "I am not losing you, Casey. I am not. I couldn't take it. Please get your coat and let's go."

Casey feels her resolve fade and a flutter in her heart. It's obvious that Alex loves her; how can Casey not want to take care of herself, looking into those beautiful eyes?

Casey smiles and without another word grabs her coat.

 **Poor Casey. and Alex. Next chapter more happens!**


	23. Chapter 23

Four hours.

That's how long they have been waiting in the ER to find out exactly what is wrong with Casey.

Casey has had to tell Alex to calm down a total of five times, and with the way she's fidgeting right now, there will be a sixth time.

"It was your idea to come," Casey reminds her. "It always takes forever."

They've done an MRI, blood work, prodded her and asked a million questions. Now they wait.

The same friendly nurse keeps coming in to check on them, regarding them with a smile every time and answering all the questions that Alex pelts her with patience and a smile.

Casey has a lot of respect for her - it can be difficult to handle an upset Alex Cabot, but she is handling it very well.

"I hope I don't need more surgery," Casey says. "I really don't want to stay in the hospital again."

Alex hopes so too, but she just nods. She doesn't want Casey to have to go through that again. It's such a tough recovery, one that she isn't even healed from the first time. More surgery would put her back to day one.

They only have to wait a little longer for the friendly nurse to visit them a final time.

"Well ladies I have good news," she says when she reappears. She looks at Casey. "You can go home. No surgery."

Casey lets out the breath she was holding. "Thank god!"

"You do have to take it easy, though. There is a small tear in your stomach that isn't severe enough for surgery, but can become severe enough without proper caution. The doctor will come in and talk to you about what you need to do."

Alex gives Casey a reassuring smile and squeezes her hand. She feels immense relief at those words and knows she has to make sure Casey takes it easy, which isn't an easy task. Casey is always moving, always go go go, and hates to sit still.

"Told you I was fine," Casey says with a smile. "We didn't have to waste four hours of our night here."

Alex leans in and kisses Casey. "I'd rather be sure and spend four hours sitting here than not know and worry about you every second."

Soon after the ER doctor comes in to talk to them. He tells Casey she needs to take it easy for at least a week, to not do anything to further irritate the tear in her stomach.

She's discharged with a new prescription for pain medications and an order to take it easy.

Alex takes her right home and lectures her on taking it easy the entire drive. As soon as they are through the door of their apartment, Alex sends Casey to the couch and joins her a few minutes later with her fleece blanket.

Casey is looking over her discharge papers as Alex settles beside her and puts her head on her shoulder. "This says no sex," she says in amusement.

"Well it is quite strenuous." Alex brushes Casey's hair back and kisses her cheek. "Guess we'll just have to control ourselves."

Casey looks at Alex with pleading green eyes and her cute smile that Alex can't deny, and Alex knows she's about to ask her for something.

"Play Mario Kart with me? Please?"

There is is. Her pleading tone and soft green eyes make Alex melt into a puddle and all she can do is nod. She can't say no to those green eyes.

Casey gets the game ready and hands Alex a controller. Alex picks it up awkwardly.

"I'll do something I hate that you want me to do in return," Casey offers with a smile as she starts the game.

A grin breaks out on Alex's face and she's filled with possibilities. "Oh yeah?"

"Yep. Name it."

Alex knows exactly what she wants. "Ok. You have to eat hummus and bagel chips for a meal and not act like you're five while doing it."

Casey gasps, turning around and facing her in horror. "Whaaaattttt? I thought you loved me? Why would you inflict such torture on someone you love?"

Alex laughs. "Stop being ridiculous. You know I've been on you to eat healthier before all this happened. Now I'm happy when you eat anything at all."

"It's getting better. I can eat more now and it doesn't hurt as much. But hummus, really? It's vile. The stuff shouldn't exist."

Alex rolls her eyes at Casey's antics. "Remember, you can't act like you're five while eating it."

"Fine," Casey huffs, defeated. She gives Alex a quick kiss. "I'll act like I'm six."

.2

The following Monday while Alex is at work Casey finds herself at her computer.

She still hasn't heard back from the State Bar on her appeal. She knows it may take some time but she's starting to get restless and bored without a job.

She had to promise Alex she would take it easy today. No running, no going anywhere unless absolutely necessary. Alex was very serious, and Casey knows breaking that promise would bring the wrath of Alex Cabot down on her.

She briefly looked at job postings, seeing nothing that caught her attention. Nothing she could see herself doing.

She lived for being a prosecutor. It made her feel confident, and it was something she excelled at. Losing it a second time was hard. She's been dealing with it the best she can but as more time goes by she feels empty inside, like a part of her is missing.

She logs onto Facebook and types up a lengthy post about filing an appeal and how she was fired before the State Bar even completed their investigation. She notices she has more friend requests and more followers.

Almost immediately after posting she gets a notification that she has a comment. Curious, she clicks on it.

And her heart stops at what she sees.

Three photos that she instantly recognizes, because she took them. Three photos of her Alex in bed, naked. Photos that had been on her phone that was taken.

Casey feels panic rising inside her and she quickly clicks on the Facebook profile of the poster. It's a private profile, created just a few days ago. The profile picture is a simple black X. She isn't a detective but is able to put two and two together and figure out this profile was created for just this purpose. The name listed is likely a fake name.

Casey scrambles with the keyboard, typing out a message and asking who this is and what they want, and sending the message. She then goes back to the comment section of her post and quickly deletes the photos.

She hopes to god it was in time before anyone saw them.

But she knows it won't be that easy. Someone has those photos, someone has her phone, and that someone knows who she is and how to get to her. This could be bad.

She had a finger print lock on the phone -

for a reason. She had private photos and files she didn't want anyone to see.

She grabs her phone to call Alex. It goes straight to voicemail and Casey curses, then leaves Alex a message asking her to call her as soon as possible.

.3

Alex should have known this day was going too well. Mondays never go this smoothly.

A case she had been trying to plead out for weeks finally pleaded out and a lunch meeting she had been dreading was cancelled.

If she wasn't so consumed in her own thoughts she would have noticed people looking at her and whispering in the halls.

When she gets back to her office she is surprised to find Mike Cutter there.

He is seated in front of her desk, and looks less than happy.

"What can I do for you?" Alex asks, falling into her chair. She straightens her lapels and looks at him.

Instead of answering he pushes his iPad across the table at her. In one motion he unlocks the screen and it takes all of about thirty seconds for Alex to become horrified with what she is looking at.

A picture that was taken about a week ago. Her and Casey in bed, naked. Her face grows red with embarrassment and she stumbles for words.

Casey had taken those pictures of them on her phone. Her phone that was stolen. Alex didn't even think about it until now. She fills nauseous at the thought of those pictures being out there.

"How - how did you get that?" Alex squeaks out.

"It was emailed to me. Three different pictures. In fact, it was sent in a group email to every person working for this office."

This cannot be happening. It has to be a mistake, or a joke, or a nightmare.

Alex doesn't know whether to cry or scream. She wants to do both. The anger and humiliation boiling inside her right now is immense.

"Casey's phone was stolen," Alex says, as if that's an excuse.

Mike stares hard at Alex. "She shouldn't have those types of pictures on her phone. I don't have to tell you, you are held at a higher standard than others. You have to be extra careful."

"Let's address the fact that someone stole Casey's phone, got through her security lock and are now distributing pictures! That's a crime!" Alex practically screams.

"I'm having computer crimes take care of it and everyone in this office has been instructed to delete the email without opening it. But I can't say for sure who has seen it she who hasn't. I wanted to make you aware of this, Alex, as I'm sure this isn't the last you will hear of it."

Words don't fail Alex often. She's able to compose them, use them when she has to. But at this moment she can only stare at her boss, a knot in her stomach.

Mike stands snd sighs. "I have to return some calls. Deal with this, Alex - and quickly."

As soon as Mike is gone, Alex gets out her phone and frantically calls Casey.

She picks up on the second ring. "Alex! I've been trying to call you. I left you a voicemail."

"Do you know about it?" Alex asks, not even trying to hide her frustration.

Casey sighs. "The pictures? You saw them on Facebook? I thought I deleted them before anyone saw…"

Alex gasps. "Facebook? They are on Facebook too? Casey, someone emailed them to everyone in the DA's office! _Everyone!_ Mike just left my office."

Casey is silent for a moment. Then she says, "Shit. Shit! This is so messed up! Can you come home?"

Alex sighs, putting her head down on her desk in defeat. "I'll come home as soon as I'm able to. We need to talk about this."

Without another word she disconnects the call and drops her phone onto her desk. She feels herself panicking, a feeling she hasn't felt in awhile.

She used to get frequent panic attacks. Casey and Olivia always knew how to get her through them, and after awhile they stopped occurring. Alex felt secure in her surroundings and job, and knew she had two people who absolutely loved her. It's been at least a year since she's had a panic attack.

But she's having one now. She can't catch her breath and holds onto her desk so tightly her knuckles go pale. She's gasping for breath, trying to calm herself down.

 _Calm, calm, calm_...Alex continues this mantra, trying to calm herself before this escalates.

But it doesn't work. Tears sting her eyes and before she knows it she is crying, her head down on her desk, tears soaking the mahogany finish.

She cries for several minutes until she feels a wave a nausea and has just enough time to grab the garbage pail by her desk before she gets sick into it.

She doesn't know how she's going to deal with this. For once in her life, she is not in control.

.4

When Alex gets home a couple hours later, Casey is waiting for her. She stands and starts talking before Alex even has her coat off.

Alex quickly cuts her off. "God damn it, Casey, why couldn't you be more careful? To have pictures like that on your phone...you of all people should know better."

Casey looks like a child that's being scolded, her green eyes apologetic as she looks up at Alex. "I'm sorry. I had a finger print lock on the phone."

"It doesn't matter! People can get around that, and they obviously did." Alex runs her fingers through her hair nervously. "Those pictures are all over. They were sent to everyone at the DA's office. Everyone."

Casey took a step forward. "Whoever did this obviously knew where to hit us. This is somehow related to Taylor Trussel and I know it. His attorney is involved somehow. He hired someone to do this, maybe someone to follow me and that's who took the phone at the bar...or the person who took my phone realized who it belonged to and went to him."

Alex is behind frustrated, and absolutely humiliated. It's bad enough that Mike Cutter saw the photos; but to think that every one of her colleagues did as well is too much. They are going to be talking about her, whispering in the hallways. They saw a part of her that should have only been reserved for Casey. And nothing she can say or do can erase that.

How can she stroll back into the office tomorrow and act like nothing happened? How can she stay composed and expect to be respected in the same way after this?

"I-I'm sorry," Casey offers again. She swallows harshly. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know that, Casey, but it did. We are going to be tabloid fodder for sure. In the papers tomorrow, probably on the news."

"I'll do damage control. I - "

Alex interrupts her. "Do you think you can use your little Facebook campaign to spin this? Do you really think that?"

Casey's face falls and she looks at the floor in shame. Alex is upset with her, blames her. And she deserves it.

Alex has never made her feel this way before. So small and useless, like everything she says or does has no meaning. Quite the opposite; Alex has always prevented her from feeling that way. Always used words and comfort to show her otherwise.

Except now.

Casey apologizes again, and Alex looks at her. Casey feels herself shrinking under her angry blue eyes. She's never been on the receiving end of an angry Alex Cabot gaze before and a wave of coldness goes through her.

"I know your job didn't mean anything to you, but mine means something to me, and you screwed up big time."

Those words hurt Casey more than anything. The pain of being stabbed and recovering from surgery pales in comparison to this.

The woman Casey loves blames her for an innocent mistake. She thinks Casey's job didn't mean anything to her, and that saddens Casey. If she truly knew her, she would know how wrong that is.

Alex always says that Casey comes before her career; always claims that to be true. But when it comes right down to it - when it's time to practice what you preach - the truth comes out.

"It's not my fault someone stole my phone," Casey says, her eyes on Alex. She's growing angry herself.

"It's your fault you were too drunk to keep track of it."

Those words sting and Casey looks away again. "Alex - stop. I already apologized for that.'

"It doesn't matter, Casey! You screwed up, and it happened. And now I'm the one who has to clean up your mess and deal with the fallout."

Casey glares at Alex, her eyes burning. "Sorry I'm such a piece of crap. Sorry I'm not up to Alex Cabot standards."

Alex sighs. "Don't feel sorry for yourself right now, Casey, that just makes this worse. Act like an adult, for once in your life, and take responsibility."

Those words coming from the woman Casey loves more than anything in the world just kills her. Alex knows how much her job meant to her. She knows that Casey would never do a thing like this on purpose.

Casey doesn't know how to react other than fling hurtful words back, to try and hurt Alex the way she's hurting her. "All you care about is your fucking career. I'll always take a backseat, no matter what you say. You should be on my side on this, instead of blaming me. I'm sorry I stood up for you all those times that people called you a bitch. They were right. You're really cruel when you're angry. It's one of your worst qualities."

"And one of yours is never being careful and not thinking before you speak or do something! The whole six years I have known you, you've been a loose cannon."

The words hurt and Casey wants to cry but instead flings hurtful words back. "At least I'm not a whore."

Those words stop Alex, and her mouth actually falls open in shock. For once in her life, she's rendered speechless.

"You slept around in Wisconsin because you were lonely. How many men and women did you sleep with? I'd rather be a loose cannon than deal with my feelings by having sex with anything that moved."

She almost throws the abortion in Alex's face but stops herself. She has already gone too far and that would be way, _way_ too far.

Her words hit Alex where she meant to them to; straight in the heart. Alex's face shows how devastated she is to hear those words and Casey almost relents, but her anger for Alex blaming this situation on her is a more powerful emotion at the moment.

Alex's eyes flash with anger and sadness and she grabs her purse. She's beyond upset, Casey's last words still stinging.

She has to do what she always does when she feels defeated; retreat.

"Goodbye Casey," she tosses over her shoulder before she walks out the door and slams it behind her.

 **Uh-oh...their first fight! Who was in the wrong here?**


	24. Chapter 24

Casey can remember the first time she knew she was attracted to Alex.

It was physical at first. She had never seen such striking blue eyes and beautiful perfect blonde hair. She was in awe of the other attorney and how professionally she carried herself all the time, how deeply compassionate she was about her job, and how intelligent she was.

Then when she got to know Alex - the _real_ Alex - the attraction became real and not superficial.

Alex always gave her her full attention, made her feel like she was the most important person in the world. Casey would melt when she smiled at her.

Their relationship evolved from colleagues into best friends and then into lovers.

Casey silently loved Alex and now here they are six years later and Casey isn't sure what she's made their relationship into.

She can't recall ever being this upset with Alex. They have had fights in the past, plenty of them; they fought like sisters sometimes. Both are headstrong and stubborn and neither will admit when they're wrong.

They've argued over cases, over ethics, over Alex being too harsh on her colleagues. Words would be thrown and anyone caught in the crossfire would fear for their life. They would go a few days being angry with each other before one would eventually give in and go to the other to fix it. Neither ever wanted to give in first but one of them always did, because they were best friends and loved each other.

And they still love each other now, even though the fight they just had was worse than any before it.

Casey knows it's because they have a different relationship now. She knows fighting is normal. But that doesn't change the fact that Alex hurt her badly by blaming her for their private photos being made public.

Casey never meant for any of this to happen. Deep down she knew she shouldn't have those pictures - Alex even told her so before. But they were hers, they were private, and only for her to look at.

At least they were.

Casey tries to find something on TV to watch to get her mind off what happened but she can't focus on anything other than Alex.

She shouldn't have called her a whore. God, why did she say that? Alex had always been ashamed of that part of her past. She had confided in Casey when they were friends that she slept around in Wisconsin as Emily. She was lonely and torn away from everything she ever knew. It was something Alex Cabot would never do, but she wasn't Alex Cabot anymore. Strictly sexually relationships meant she didn't have to get attached to anyone.

It was hard for Alex to tell her, and Casey had thrown it in her face so easily to hurt her. That's not how you treat the woman you love.

Yes Alex had hurt her first, but Alex had every right to be upset. Did she have a right to hurt Casey? No. But Casey understands lashing out and she should have just let it go. She shouldn't have gotten upset back and lashed out as well. Not the way she did.

She knows this is all her fault, even if she doesn't want or can't admit it. She was drunk and didn't keep track of her phone, which contained personal information. She should have been more careful.

She always acts defensively when she knows she's wrong. It's human nature, she knows, but when you're as stubborn as Casey Novak it's ten times worse.

Part of her had wanted to chase after Alex down the hall and gravel in apology. She hadn't wanted her to leave while angry. But an even stronger part of her was too proud and felt that Alex should apologize to her first.

So here she is, sitting alone on the couch mindlessly staring at the TV and forcing herself not to cry.

She can't cry. Why should she, anyway? It was a fight. A part of life, of a healthy relationship. Everyone fights. If they got along perfectly all the time something would be wrong.

Still, she can't help but feel her actions may have permanent consequences.

.2

Alex takes a deep breath and raises her hand to push the doorbell at the house she knows so well.

The house she used to share with Olivia.

Olivia comes to the door only a few minutes later. She's wearing a bathrobe with her hair pulled back, obviously relaxing after a long day at work. She regards Alex with a smile even though she does look surprised to see her.

"I'm sorry for just dropping by," Alex says. She feels badly for interrupting Olivia's nice evening in.

Olivia shakes her head and holds the door open. "It's okay. Would you like to come in? Are you okay? I was just about to make something for dinner; you're welcome to join me."

Alex isn't very hungry but appreciates the invite.

Olivia shuts and locks the door, giving Alex a skeptical look. She knows Alex well and can tell when something is bothering the blonde.

"We had a fight - me and Casey. A pretty bad one."

Olivia nods knowingly and directs Alex to the couch where they both sit down. "One of your epic screaming matches? I know those well."

"Not really screaming, more just trying to hurt each other. And succeeding." Alex swallows harshly. Her heart hurts so badly right now.

"I can guess what this fight was about."

Alex's head snaps up and she looks at Olivia in surprise. Of course - she knows about the pictures. Why wouldn't she?

It never occurred to Alex on her way to Olivia's that she would know about - maybe even saw - the pictures. But now, thinking about it, her face grows crimson and she has to look away.

She is beyond embarrassed.

"The pictures. You saw them."

"I didn't," Olivia corrects her. "But I know about them."

Alex feels like she owes her an explanation, even though she doesn't. She looks into Olivia's brown eyes and can't help but feel she is disappointed in her. Like she knows that agreeing to naked pictures is something that Alex would never do.

"I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened. We just -"

"Alex, don't apologize," Olivia cuts in. "You don't owe me an explanation. It was something private that never should have been leaked and I'm sorry it happened to you. I'm sure Casey is too."

"She called me a whore," Alex say, her eyes stinging with tears as she looks at the wall past Olivia. "Because of what I did in Wisconsin."

"Ouch." Olivia shakes her head. "I'm sure you said some not so pleasant things to her too."

Alex nods. "I did. But she called me a whore. That hurt so much."

"It was a fight, Alex. That's what happens during a fight. We had them too. She didn't mean it."

Alex looks up at her with sad blue eyes. "She must have been thinking it. You say things during a fight that you mean but would never say. It kills me that she thinks that about me."

"Alex," Olivia says, placing a hand on her arm and looking into Alex's blue eyes. "I guarantee you she does not think that. That girl absolutely adores you; always has. She was just looking for ammunition to fire back and she found it. I've never seen someone be so completely dedicated to another person the way she is to you. Even when we were together. She would have walked through fire for you. She loves you; there's no way you can possibly doubt that."

Alex shakes her head. "I know she does, and I love her too, but that hurt - really bad. I'm not proud of things I have done but Casey has always understood. At least I thought she did."

Alex has always been able to share every detail of her life with Casey - the good, the bad, the ugly. Casey always reacted without judgement and was exactly what Alex needed; a source of support.

"You two have epic fights, because you're just alike. I remember playing referee to several of your little disagreements. I was terrified for my life." Olivia laughs. "Just give it a day and both of you cool down."

Alex knows that Alex is right, but she can't shake the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hates leaving things the way they are. She loves Casey and despite what was said by both of them, she wishes she was home with her.

"One of you has to apologize first you know," Olivia points out.

Alex stubbornly sits back on the couch. "Not going to be me."

Olivia expected this. She stands and turns around. "Well you're welcome to stay here for a couple days. I'll make us something to eat."

Olivia disappears into the kitchen and Alex pulls out her phone. She quickly checks it, her heart falling when she doesn't see a text or missed call from Casey.

Part of her wanted Casey to reach out to her and ask her to come home, and the other half needs a night away to cool off.

Alex looks around the living room while she listens to Olivia clanging dishes in the kitchen.

It's a lot different than when she lived here. Olivia has rearranged the furniture and replaced the photos on the mantelpiece. The coffee table is new, and children's toys now adorn the room.

Olivia brings Alex a can of Pepsi, opening it and handing it to her. "Is Noah here?" she asks, nodding at the toys.

"No. I'll have him permanently in a couple weeks. He's here a couple times a week right now." Olivia takes a drink of her soda and smiles at Alex. "Want to see his room?"

Alex nods and follows Olivia to what used to be the guest room, where Casey always slept when she stayed over.

The makeover is incredible. It must have taken Olivia days to do all this.

The walls are no longer beige but instead a soft blue, the floral curtains replaced with blinds and children's dinosaur print drapes. There's a white Ikea dresser with a small mirror, a truck and teddy bear on top.

The full size bed has been replaced with a twin size, the comforter and pillow shams matching the dinosaur drapes. The walk in closet now houses children's clothes.

"Wow," Alex muses, her eyes wide in amazement. "This looks really nice, Liv. What a nice place for Noah. Lucky boy."

The smile on Olivia's face is worth a million bucks. Alex will always feel guilt for what happened between them, but Alex can tell she is truly happy. This is what she's always wanted; to be a mother.

"It's really happening, isn't it?" Alex asks, not even bothering to hide her smile. "That little boy is going to cry out for his mom at night and it's going to be you."

"It's life changing," Olivia tells her. "Noah has to come first - every time. Maybe this is finally what I needed to let go of work so tightly."

They talk for a while longer. It lifts Alex's spirits to know Olivia is happy. She's going to have someone in her life. Someone who will love her unconditionally.

Of course Alex has that too - if she wouldn't be so stubborn.

.3

Two days have passed since their fight, and neither Alex or Casey have reached out to the other. Alex is waiting for Casey to make the first move and Casey is waiting for Alex to make the first move.

It's a clash of the hardheads and a race to the finish line to see who can hold out the longest.

It's costing them both. Neither have slept, and both keep checking their phones, expecting to see that the other has given in.

But it never happens.

Olivia keeps telling Alex that she's being completely ridiculous and needs to go home and make the situation right. Alex maintains that Casey needs to apologize first. The conversation always ends with Olivia shaking her head.

Alex wishes she could let this go; she needs Casey right now. Things are so tense and so difficult at work right now. She can feel and see judgement in the eyes of her colleagues, judges and other attorneys.

So far she's skirted the media attention, effectively ignoring calls for statements regarding the leak of her and Casey's private photos. She knows this will die off eventually. She just has to deal with it in the meantime.

And she doesn't know if she can.

Alex has always held the respect of everyone in her professional life. For her strong work ethic and commitment to the job she performs every day. But now that respect has eroded, and Alex can feel it crumbling away little by little every day.

She doesn't know how much longer she can keep coming here and going through the motions every day.

She reaches her breaking point after losing a case she should have easily won.

The Alex Cabot of days past would have had this in the bag days ago. But present day Alex Cabot is unfocused, exhausted, and is heartbreakingly missing the love of her life.

She's nearly in tears when she reaches her office, ignoring the concerned looks of her colleagues as she brushes by them in an even more kurt than usual manner.

Once in the privacy of her office, she allows herself to break down. She is so disappointed in herself for allowing herself to succumb to this. For not being stronger and for allowing her heart to control her.

She isn't herself without Casey. She can't sleep, can't keep her mind on anything except the girl she hurt.

As she cries into the mahogany of her desk, her phone vibrates nearby, demanding her attention. She blindly reaches for it, hoping it's Casey so she can give in and tell her she's sorry and she loves her and she needs her more than ever right now.

But of course it's not Casey. It's Mike Cutter.

Alex lets out a cry and drops the phone onto her desk, resting her head on her arms and soaking the sleeves of her black blazer with her tears.

God, she hurts _so much._

She raises her head only when she hears a brief knock and then her door opening. Only one person enters her office that way - Olivia.

She forgot to lock the door in her haste and is now facing Olivia, her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks swollen from crying.

Whatever Olivia came to tell her is forgotten as Olivia rushes forward and hugs the broken blonde.

"I'm not okay, Liv," Alex sobs into Olivia's shoulder. "I'm not okay."

Olivia hugs Alex tightly, trying to offer what little comfort she can.

Behind Alex's back she fumbles with her phone and sends Casey a desperate text message to come as soon as possible.

 **Awww Alex! you can only be strong for so long. Do you think Casey will come? Should she?**


	25. Chapter 25

**Be sure to read the previous chapter. It was posted days ago but an email notification was never sent by and if you don't read it first you will be lost in this chapter.**

 _"How_ _did I ever let you talk me into this?"_

 _Alex gives Casey a nervous look as they take a seat in the car of the ferris wheel._

 _Casey smiles and locks their door, then buckles her safety belt and instructs Alex to do the same. Alex fumbles with hers, and Casey quickly brushes her hands away and buckles the belt herself._

 _She pulls it tight and flashes Alex a reassuring smile._ Alex _doesn't look quite as enthused. She hates amusement park rides. She's afraid of heights and usually refuses to go on any ride._ But _Casey had begged her to come with her to Coney Island, and against her protests, Alex is now seated on a ferris wheel._

It _starts moving, the car going up. Alex grips the safety bar and closes her eyes, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach._

 _"Alex, relax, open your eyes. It's a beautiful sight."_

Alex _keeps her eyes squeezed shut and shakes her head. She can feel the car going higher and she knows if she looks she is going to freak out._

 _"Alex," Casey prods again. "You will regret it if you don't look."_

 _Alex takes a deep breath and opens her eyes._ _And_ _in that split second, she wishes she hadn't._

 _They are high - really high. Alex can see tree tops and the top of the nearby rollercoaster._ _"Shit," Alex eeks out, and she clutches the safety bar again, her face devoid of color and feeling light headed. "Shit, shit."_

 _She sucks in a breath and Casey turns to look at her, realizing just how scared Alex is. She acts on instinct, prying Alex's hand off the safety bar and holding it tightly._ _"It's okay. Look at me," Casey instructs. "Look at me, Alex."_

 _Alex pops her eyes open and panicked blue eyes meet green as Casey tries to calm her down._

 _Casey had no idea that Alex would freak out like this. She expected her to complain, but not to act so absolutely frightened. She mentally scolds herself for making her do this._

Alex _is trying to catch her breathe and Casey talks soothingly to her. "Hey, you're with me. I won't let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"_

 _Alex nods, her eyes wide. She trusts Casey, possibly more than she's ever trusted another human being. Casey always has her best interests at heart and would do anything to protect her._

 _She's_ _the best friend a person could ask for._

 _"You're safe. I promise. The ride is almost over." Casey slides closer to Alex and instead of holding onto the safety bar she slings her arm around Alex._

 _Alex leans into her and feels herself calming down. She takes a couple more deep breaths._

 _She's okay. Casey is with her. Casey will make sure she is okay. She keeps reminding her this, that as long as Casey is there she will be fine._

 _The car is ground level now and Casey yells at the ride operator to let them off. He does, and Alex gets out of the car so quickly she's surprised there isn't a trail of smoke behind her._

 _Once_ _safely on the ground, Alex leans against a fence and finally catches her breath. Casey is right beside her, her hand on Alex's back and a look of concern on her face._

 _"What, no sarcastic comment?" Alex aks with a hint of a smile when she feels sufficiently calm._ _She's_ _come to expect her best friend to give her some good natured teasing in situations such as this._

 _But Casey's face is still full of concern, her eyes conveying how concerned she is. "Even I know when not to joke. Are you okay? Are you going to be sick?"_

Alex _shakes her head, turning to face Casey. "I'm okay."_

 _Alex visibly relaxs looking at Casey. Her best friend always makes her feel better. A smile forms on her face, despite how terrified she had been just moments before._

 _Casey_ _sighs in relief and smiles. "Thank_ _God. Jeez, blondie. Dramatic much?"_ _She knows Alex well enough to know when it's okay to joke around. When Alex is in the mindset to take teasing, or when it will piss her off._

 _Alex_ _laughs. "I told you I couldn't do rides. That I wouldn't be good company for you. But, alas, you wanted me to come. And I can't say no to you, so here we are."_

 _Casey_ _puts her arm around Alex's shoulder. "You're always good company. Even when you're being unreasonable. There isn't anyone else I would want to hang out with."_

Casey has always had the power to comfort Alex and make her believe everything will be okay. Always.

Alex wishes Casey were here now.

Alex doesn't come down from her panic attack for several minutes. And when she does, she shakes Olivia off and moves to total embarrassment for the way she just carried on.

She's stronger, more composed than this. She can't let herself be vulnerable, especially at the office in front of Olivia.

She moves to sit at her desk, avoiding Olivia's worried gaze and looking away in shame. She opens a folder on her desk and clears her throat.

Alex's tactics for dealing with anything she is embarrassed about is avoidance and pretending it never happened.

But Olivia knows better than to fall for this act. She's only seen Alex break down a few times before, and every time it was the same - Alex acting like she's fine only to break down again later.

She needs to deal with her feelings in order to move forward.

"Alex," Olivia says, moving to stand in front of her desk. She closes the folder in front of her and rests her fingers on it. "You need to go home."

Alex avoids her gaze and pries it away from Olivia. "I'm fine. I'm in the middle of a big case. I can't afford to take a day off."

Olivia opens her mouth to reply when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She quickly looks at it and is relieved to see it's a text from Casey. She says she is on her way to the office and Olivia silently slides her phone back in her pocket.

"You can't just go back to work," Olivia tells her. "Alex, we need to talk about this. You can't act like nothing happened."

Alex is writing something and doesn't even look up. "It didn't."

"You had a breakdown," Olivia reminds her.

Alex is getting irritated and feeling the panic well up inside her again. She knows if Olivia doesn't stop confronting her, she's going to lose it again. She's going to lose it and she doesn't think she can pull herself out a second time.

Olivia doesn't know whether she's impressed that Alex can act like nothing just happened or infuriated that she cares so little about herself that she won't face what's going on.

"Alex -"

She finally looks up from her paperwork, her eyes flashing angrily. "Olivia! I have work to do. I'm sure you do too. Now would you please leave my office?"

Olivia doesn't want to leave, but she knows she has to do what Alex asks of her. Not doing so will only serve to make her more upset

And if she does leave, Alex could have another break down with no one to help her through it

It's a double edged sword; it always is with Alex. She is a very complicated and often times difficult person.

Olivia sighs and moves to the door, accepting defeat. She says goodbye to Alex and leaves her office, hoping that Casey won't take too long to arrive and that she did the right thing by texting her.

.2

She's parked and the car is off, but Casey stays seated behind the wheel, trying to gather her strength to walk into the building. To walk the hallways that used to make her feel like she was someone.

She knows as soon as she enters she will be looked at and talked about. She wanted to come back here, on her own terms. She isn't ready yet.

But Alex needs her. Yes she woke up still angry and upset with her fiancee, but she's always been there when Alex has needed her and that's not going to change now.

She finally forces herself to make that long trek to the building. She zips her coat up to her chin, as if it's going to make her more comfortable and invisible.

She walks through the reception area to the familiar elevator she's ridden more times than she can count. She keeps her head down, avoiding gazes as she steps on the elevator and hits the button for Alex's floor.

She doesn't know any of her fellow passengers on the ride up and the silence is more than okay with her. She would rather ride in strained silence than dodge "that's her" looks and words.

When she gets off the elevator on Alex's floor, she hesitates. She used to feel at home here. Used to strut these halls as if she owned them. Her office was on the same floor as Alex's so she knows these halls well. She could walk them blindly.

But right now she feels like she doesn't belong. She feels sick and light headed, like a nervous college freshmen on their first day on campus.

She forces herself to start walking, and is met with looks from former colleagues and staffers that she passes in the hall. No one says anything to her, but their looks say more than their words ever could.

The door to Alex's office is closed and the blinds are pulled. She knows she's in there. She only pulls the blinds when she wants complete privacy; after a loss or a tough day.

Casey raises her hand and knocks awkwardly. She doesn't know if Alex is still mad at her and doesn't know what else to do.

"Come back later please," comes the reply from the other side of the door.

Casey stiffens. Alex's voice. It's only been a day since she's heard it but hearing it now is like the first time all over again. It always gives Casey the chills when Alex speaks in her husky, no nonsense tone.

Casey doesn't answer. Instead she opens the door and walks in the office.

Alex immediately stands before she even sees who it is. Who would dare defy her words.

When she sees Casey, she completely crumbles.

Alex and Casey's eyes meet, and at first Casey thinks that Alex is still angry. Neither of them speak; they just stare each other down.

Alex breaks first. Her eyes fill with tears and she says, "Casey."

She doesn't ask why Casey is there. In that moment it doesn't matter. They move toward each other end throw their arms around the other, holding on tight.

Alex is crying again, without even realizing it. Casey squeezes her tighter and whispers, "it's okay. I'm here. I love you."

It feels so good to be in Casey's arms again. It's only been little more than a day but to Alex's heart it seems like much longer.

Their fight, all the anger Alex had towards Casey about the pictures - it all fades and disappears completely. Casey is here, and she's all that Alex needs. All she will ever need.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry," Alex sobs into Casey's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry."

"Shhhh. It's okay, Alex. I forgive you. And I'm sorry too, for what happened and what I said to you. I didn't mean it. I acted really childish."

"Casey," Alex says through tears, pulling away from the redhead long enough to look her in the eyes. She sighs and rests their foreheads together. Casey reaches up and caresses Alex's cheeks. "I love you."

Casey smiles and gives Alex a deep, long kiss. "I love you too. I'm sorry we fought. I shouldn't have had those pictures. I -"

Alex shakes her head and puts her finger to Casey's lips. "Let's not talk about it right now, okay?" Casey nods and Alex smoothes her hair back, beaming proudly at her girl.

"Olivia texted me and said you were having a rough day. How about you come home early with me and we go on a date tonight? Anything you want to do," Casey suggests.

Alex should have known that Olivia contacted Casey. She should be angry but she's not. She's actually grateful. Just Casey's presence makes her feel a million times better.

Alex has a lot more work to do. But she doesn't have court today and nothing to really keep her at the office. She should go home with Casey.

So she gives in and packs up all her paperwork to take home and work on later. Casey waits by the door for her and links their arms together before opening the door and walking out together.

They are busy talking to each other as they walk, paying no attention to anyone or anything around them.

If they had been, they would have noticed the man standing to the side in the lobby, watching them and taking notes.


	26. Chapter 26

**just a note - notifications have not been going out the past couple of weeks. chapters 24 and 25 were posted last week. Just don't want my readers to miss out!**


	27. Chapter 27

The makeup sex was beyond exhausting.

Alex and Casey lie in bed in a tangled sweaty mess, the sheets and covers long discarded and scattered on the floor.

Neither can catch their breath or quite process what has just happened.

They intended to have a quiet evening in. But returning from Alex's office had turned into more apologies while cuddling and loving words spilled over touches.

And then they couldn't control themselves.

Casey's favorite blouse is now thrown across the room and came to rest in a heap on the floor. It will need ironing and a couple buttons replaced.

Casey feels Alex's breath on her bare chest as Alex snuggles into her. She tightens her hand in Alex's hair, thumbing out a sweaty tangle.

"You're a goddess," Alex chokes out, not even looking at Casey. She doesn't have to be looking at her to know that Casey is smiling proudly at a job well done.

"So are you," Casey tells her, sighing contently when Alex finally stops squirming and comes to rest on her. She loves the feel of Alex's body pressed up against hers. "I love you, baby."

Alex raises her head just so she can gaze into those green eyes she loves so much. Casey gazes adoringly back with a smile.

"I love my Casey too. She's the best."

They both lie in silence for the next half hour, savoring each other's bodies and enjoying being back in each other's arms.

It's Alex that shatters the silence with, "Can I ask you something?"

"Always," Casey replies, playing with a lock of her silky blonde hair.

"When did you realize you loved me?"

"I've always loved you. You know that," Casey tells her.

"No, I mean when did you realize you loved me? When was it real for you?"

"I don't know exactly," Casey confesses, continuing to play with her hair. "I just know I always wanted to protect you, keep you safe. I always thought about you. You were so kind to me and made me feel like I was worth something. Olivia told me you didn't have many actual close friends. That you didn't open up to people. But you did with me, and it made me feel special. I knew I could always be honest with you and be exactly who I was and you would still like that person. And when I realized I loved you, all I wanted was for you to be happy. That's why I never acted on it. Because you were happy with Olivia. I didn't want to destroy that. That's what love is; sacrificing so the person you love can be happy. But I knew I would have done anything for you; died for you even. I still would."

Alex smiles, reaching out and cupping Casey's face. "No dying allowed. Do you understand? You are to be immortal."

Casey laughs lightly. "Okay, baby. I got you."

Alex settles back down on Casey's chest, tracing an invisible line on the soft flesh of Casey's stomach. She traces every scar and smiles, proud of how strong Casey is to have overcome what she did.

"For me, it was a natural progression. I felt closer to you than anyone else in my life. Whenever I had something worth sharing, you were the first person I thought of to share it with and the only person it seemed to matter if I told. You always listened to me and said exactly what was true, not what I needed to hear. You weren't afraid to stand up to me and tell me when I was being a bitch. And the things you would do for me...coming over to snowblow our driveway because you knew I'm a terrible driver in the snow and I'd always get the car stuck. I mean, who does that? You'd be there, no matter how cold it was, just for me. You'd always come to the house all red-faced and freezing after you were done."

Casey smiles. "And you'd have coffee for me. That's not what warmed me up, though. Your smile did. And the way you'd tell me I was improperly dressed and would re-do my scarf so I would stay warm. The way your eyes would sparkle because I was there."

Alex's eyes well up with tears. "Because no one actually did anything for me before. Not really truly just for me. It was always so I would something for them, or superficial because they liked the way I looked. For you I knew it was real. You truly cared and wanted to do this for me. You're an incredible person, Casey Novak. I can't wait to be your wife."

Casey smiles, the smile lighting up her eyes as she gazes down at the love of her life and wonders how she got so lucky.

Alex's smile deepens as she leans up and kisses her. "Let's get married next week. I don't want to wait any longer."

Casey is shocked to hear this role reversal. Her heart picks up the pace and she looks at Alex hopefully. "Yeah?"

Alex sits up and takes her hand, threading their fingers together. "Yes. Let's have a ceremony in Central Park; just us and our friends. I want to be your wife, Casey. Nothing would make me happier."

Casey sits as well, her eyes wide and excited. "Christmas Eve. Let's find someone to marry us on Christmas Eve."

A smile spreads across Alex's face as she thinks about that. It's less than a month away; she can wait that long.

"Oh, Alex, I have always dreamed of getting married on Christmas Eve! Ever since I was a little girl! It will be cold but we could still do it in Central Park! Christmas lights and snow! It would be beautiful."

How can Alex say no to that? Her girl is so excited, and it's so beautiful to think about getting married that day. She leans in and captures Casey's lips with her own and when she pulls away, Casey is wearing that classic Casey goofy grin.

"It's a date, baby. It's a date," Alex agrees without a second thought.

.2

The next week goes by smoothly, except that Casey is getting antsy being home all day with no job. She's twice called the State Bar to check up on her appeal, and has twice been told the same thing; her appeal is being reviewed.

She's been on Facebook every day writing about her experience, and even signed up for a Twitter account. She's been researching other cases of injustice and has been sharing them on a daily basis. She's not shy about saying what she thinks, and it's gaining her a lot of followers.

She continues her online drawing classes to try and get her mind off things, and goes for more walks to clear her head while Alex is at work.

She also checks into more houses. They passed on the fixer upper they looked at and compromised on finding a ready to move into house that would meet their needs. Casey has been checking listings daily and emailing the ones that look promising to Alex.

But still, she feels empty. Like something is missing. A part of her that she can't get back.

She can't continue to not work anymore. She feels useless and bored, and a nagging antsy feeling pulls at her every day.

Like there's something else she's meant to be doing.

Casey stops at a little cafe on her walk this particular day. She stands at the counter waiting her turn, taking off her gloves and anticipating the feel of the hot chocolate she's about to order between her hands.

The line is long as usual and Casey looks around the cafe as she waits. This is about the same time she stops almost every day and she recognizes some of the other patrons.

But one in particular catches her attention.

He's seated at a table near the front window of the cafe. An iPad is on the table in front of him, a steaming cup of coffee next to it. By all outward appearances he would look like someone relaxing on their lunch break from work.

But Casey catches him looking at her, and he quickly averts his eyes. She feels a chill go through her as she realizes it's not the first time she has seen this man.

She's seen him on the street. She's walked by him. She's seen him at the grocery store she frequents. She even thinks she remembers seeing him when she went to the DA's office to pick up Alex.

Suddenly she feels uneasy. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her blue peacoat and moves quickly to the door. She keeps her head down as she exits and as she walks by the window, she notices him watching her again.

3.

 _Casey wrinkles her up her face and drops the no bake cookie back onto the plate on the table. "Gross. No bakes aren't even cookies."_ _"Don't touch food and then put it back," Alex lectures, picking up the cookie that Casey just insulted._

 _Casey makes a face at her. "Okay mom."_ _Alex rolls her eyes at her best friend. "Seriously, Casey. Activate your civilized mode. And your filter. Maybe you will meet someone tonight."_

 _Casey looks at Alex. She looks absolutely stunning in her tight red dress that hugs her in all the right places. Her hair is perfectly in place in her updo and her makeup is just subtle enough to accent her features._

 _She's making Casey's heart do flip flops right now. She knows she shouldn't, but she can't stop looking at her. She's just so beautiful, and the way Alex is looking at her…_ _"Earth to Casey."_

 _Casey snaps back into the moment, and sees Alex's hand being waved in front of her face. She shakes her head and clears her thoughts. "Huh?"_ _Alex looks at her, bemused. "Did you hear anything I said?"_

 _Casey feels embarrassed to staring at her so longingly and drifting off into space the way she did. That's not usually her._ _"No. Sorry, I didn't. I was...thinking about something."_

 _Alex holds her gaze and Casey's heart sinks as she realizes that Alex probably knows what she was thinking about._ _It would hardly be the first time that she entertained romantic thoughts about her blonde best friend. Anyone who has eyes would naturally do the same. The woman is stunning to look at._

 _But Casey knows it's more than that, and she can't deny the flutter she gets in her heart anytime Alex smiles at her or even talks to her. She doesn't smile often, and the fact that she can be herself and smile around Casey makes Casey feel like she is incredibly special_.

 _If only Casey wasn't a coward. And if only Alex wasn't with Olivia._ _"You're weird tonight," Alex comments, raising an eyebrow and looking across the table at Casey. "You all right?"_

 _Casey averts her eyes to her untouched glass of wine. It's not her flavor. "I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind."_

 _Alex stares hard at her, as if she can see right through her. Casey looks up and meets her piercing blue eyes and feels her layers being stripped away one by one. Alex is exposing her._ _"Come over after the party and we'll talk. Now why don't you go mingle and meet people? You're not going to have any fun just sitting there all night."_

 _Olivia couldn't come, so naturally as Alex's best friend, the job went to Casey to come with Alex. She had fought; boy did she ever fight. She hadn't wanted to come. This is not her scene, and for someone with her job, she could be surprisingly shy._

 _But Alex has powers beyond this Earth, and of course Casey had no choice but to rummage through her closet to find suitable attire and now here she is._ _"Danielle is here," Alex says, looking just her Casey's shoulder. "And she's looking at you."_

 _Casey doesn't even turn around. Danielle is one of their colleagues, and a known lesbian. Casey has known she has liked her a long time, but Casey has no feelings towards her she isn't interested in leading someone on. Danielle is a nice girl and deserves better than that._ _"Go talk to her," Alex prods._

 _Casey shakes her head. "I'm not interested in her. Talking to her wouldn't be fair to her. Besides, you hate everyone I date. Why are you trying to play matchmaker?"_

 _Alex raises an eyebrow again. "Easy, Casey. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm sorry. I just want you to have a good time. Go talk to anyone that isn't me. Come out of your shell. I promise you not everyone bites."_

 _Socializing at these functions isn't Casey's strong suit. She would much rather sit with Alex all evening._

 _But Alex is giving her that look; that look that means she is serious about what she just said. As much as Casey wants it, as much as she craves it, Alex is not hers. She can't be with her all the time. She has to branch out and talk to other people._ _So she plasters on that fake smile she uses at the office and gets up from the table._

That day was pretty much like right now.

Alex had dragged Casey out to get drinks with Amanda and Olivia. Normally Casey would have agreed without much prodding. But she was still shaken from seeing the man she fears has been following her at the cafe today.

She hadn't wanted to go. The only reason she agreed is because Alex has noticed she hasn't been herself lately and doesn't want her to worry further.

So here she is, her favorite beer pretty much untouched on the table in front of her, listening to Alex, Olivia and Amanda laugh and chatter on.

"Casey," Alex says, reaching across the table and taking her fiance's hand. "You okay?"

Alex asks her this question far too many times. Casey wishes she could just be normal and not worry Alex so much. Alex already has so much stress in her life. Constantly worrying about Casey being a mess shouldn't add to that stress.

They are getting married in less than a month. This is the holidays, the happiest time of the year. Casey finally has the woman she loves, after all those years.

Why then, can't she be happy?

She turns and meets Alex's warm eyes and smiles reassuringly. "Yes I'm fine. Just not feeling social today. I told you I didn't want to come."

It's not like Casey to be so short with Alex, and Alex looks at her in surprise. She's concerned but doesn't want to press her, especially not in public and not in front of their friends.

Truth be told, Casey doesn't know what is wrong with herself. Alex makes her happy, she's insanely happy about getting married and getting a home together...but nothing else makes her happy. It's like these last few days she's become depressed and withdrawn and she doesn't want to feel this way.

Amanda is talking about her daughter, showing pictures on her phone which earns a chorus of "ahhhs" from the other two women at the table.

Casey, however, isn't paying attention. She's focused on him, that man from the cafe earlier today, from so many other places, now seated far away from them watching her again.

Something inside her snaps. She's had enough. She is completely pissed off, tired of being afraid, of wondering what this guy wants and why he is following her.

She gets up from the table without a word and walks towards him.

"Casey!" Alex yells after her, standing as well. "What are you doing?"

Casey ignores her and keeps walking. She's halfway to his table when he looks up, surprised, and meets her eyes.

There's no getting away now. He knows she is about to confront him.

Casey stands just inches from his table, her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest in a defiant, tough pose.

"I want to know who the fuck you are," she spits out. "Why you have been following me, and what you want. And you're going to tell me right now."

 **next chapter all will be revealed and I think you will be surprised.**


	28. Chapter 28

**here is the reveal of mystery man! Hope it comes as a surprise**

Of all the ways to react, the man smiles and stands, extending his hand towards Casey.

"My apologies. I have been following you, yes. My name is Kyle Anderson."

Casey doesn't know that name. She makes no attempt to shake his hand, just stares at him. "Am I supposed to know that name? You admit to following me...why? Who are you? Did someone hire you to tail me?"

The smile never leaves his face. He motions for Casey to sit down. "Sit. Please."

"Not until I get answers," Casey says sternly.

Suddenly Alex appears at her side and puts her hand on Casey's shoulder. "Casey? Who is this? What's going on?"

Kyle holds his hand out to Alex. "Alex Cabot isn't it? I'm Kyle Anderson."

Alex shakes his hand unsurely. "I'm Casey's fiancee. What is this about?"

Again he motions at the other side of the booth. "Sit. Please."

Casey and Alex look at each other and Alex nods, taking Casey's hand. They sit down rather reluctantly.

"He's been following me for weeks," Casey tells Alex. "At your office, at the cafe, on the street.. everywhere. I want an explanation."

Alex looks at him, her eyes boring into his demandingly.

"I apologize. I wanted to observe you to make sure you were the right choice. And everything I have seen and heard, and the bravery of marching up to me the way you did, confirmed to me that you are."

Casey wrinkles her face in confusion. "Right choice for what? Who are you?"

"I work for Investigation Discovery channel. I'm launching a new show based out of Manhattan. I want to go behind the scenes and expose our law system for how it works and how it doesn't. I've been looking for the right person to host. I think that person is you."

Casey blinks her eyes, not sure she's heard him correctly. She had been convinced he worked for Taylor Trussel or the State Bar. This revelation came out of left field.

Neither Alex or Casey say anything, so he provides documentation from his bag to prove he is who he says he is.

"I need someone tough. Someone outspoken. Someone sharp, and someone willing to get dirty to get the facts. And obviously, someone who knows the law." He looks across the table directly at Casey. "I've been following you on Facebook and Twitter. I think what happened to you is wrong. But I think you can use it for good, to help others."

"What exactly is this show about?" Alex asks, not wanting her fiancee to be involved in anything scandalous.

"People in Casey's shoes," Kyle says, turning his attention to Alex. "People from all walks of life, who have been treated unfairly by the law or falsely convicted of a crime they didn't commit. They need someone to work for them. And I think Casey is the perfect person to do it."

Alex and Casey exchange glances. Casey never expected something like this; never in a million years.

"You would be generously compensated, of course."

Casey doesn't care about money; never has, never will. It's not about that for her.

"Can we discuss it? We make decisions together, so we need to talk it over," Casey says.

Kyle can see he is not going to get an answer right away. He puts his business card on the table and stands. "I'll leave you to it. Contact me whenever you are ready to discuss it further. We can work out all the details." His eyes fall on Alex as he puts his coat on. "You are welcome to join in working out the details as well."

He starts to walk away, then turns around and adds, "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Is it something you'd want to do?" Alex asks in all seriousness.

"I mean, I never thought about it. Ever. But I don't know. I've been feeling like I have no purpose lately. I need to work. Maybe... maybe it's the change I need." she looks at Alex with wide eyes. "What do you think?"

"That I will support you no matter what. It's your decision, honey. Just make sure if you do, that you have some terms that they agree to. Since they came to you, you have the upper hand."

Casey is thinking about it. It would be a great opportunity to do some good, and something she would excel at. She could still make a difference.

"What if I have to travel? I don't want to be away from you," Casey says, linking their hands together on the table and laying her head on Alex's shoulder.

"Well, that's all stuff you have to find out, and things you can negotiate. If it requires travel I am sure we can work it out."

"Would it be weird for you - or awkward at all - for me to do it? I mean, would it negativity impact your job?" Casey asks, looking into Alex's eyes.

"It's not about me, Casey. I would be proud of you. I would be proud of you no matter what you choose to do. Don't worry about me or my job. You do what you feel in your heart, and the rest will work out," Alex assures her.

Casey is so happy to have such an understanding and compassionate partner. Some people aren't so lucky. She knows it's a decision she has to make for herself.

But as long as she knows Alex will support any decision she makes, she knows any choice will be the right one for her.

.2

"Oh my God, it looks beautiful," Alex comments, sitting on the couch and admiring the job they did putting up their Christmas tree.

It was no easy task. Casey has always has real trees but this year Alex was able - after some serious persuasion - to talk her into getting a nice artificial white tree.

They went back and forth about it for days before Casey agreed. To Casey, the pine needles on the floor from a real tree was a temporary annoyance. She loved the smell of having a real tree. For Alex, the pine needles were a mess she didn't want to deal with.

So they had gone to the store and argued over every option. But if you asked them, they didn't argue...they disagreed. Anyone within earshot would have already mistaken them for an old married couple.

Finally, they left with a beautiful artifical white spruce that looks gorgeous at its full height in the living room.

Putting it together took some patience; something Casey has more of. So really it was Alex supervising and Casey doing most of the work.

But it's up now, and it's beautiful.

Casey sits next to Alex and links their hands together, smiling. "I love it. It will look even better when we decorate it."

"It's almost as beautiful as you. Almost," Alex tells her with a smile, which warrants a hand squeeze from the redhead.

Alex was going to wait and tell Casey the news she has but suddenly she can't wait any longer.

"I put an ad out and found someone legit to marry us on Christmas Eve. Eleven PM at the church on Third St. I want to invite our friends, if that's okay.'

Casey grins from ear to ear. Having Alex be hers forever will be the best present in the world. And getting married on Christmas Eve, just because it's what Casey has always wanted...she couldn't ask for a better wife.

Casey's eyes well up with tears. She is feeling so emotional right now and doesn't know how else to deal with her feelings. "Oh, Alex...it means so much to me that you're doing this for me."

Alex cocks her head. "Doing what for you? Getting married is for both of us. I want it just as much as you do."

"I meant the Christmas Eve wedding. Having a small low-key wedding when you wanted a big one."

Alex smiles. "I did. But then I realized that doesn't matter. The size and cost of the wedding is nothing. All that matters is that I get to marry the girl I love. And that she's happy."

Casey kisses her. "I'm very happy, baby."

Alex has plans the next day to go wedding dress shopping with Olivia, and Casey has a lunch with Kyle Anderson to discuss the job offer further. But tonight, it's all about them.

Casey goes and retrieves her tote of Christmas lights and garland from her hallway closet. Alex is sitting on the floor by the tree when she returns so she joins ner.

Alex starts pulling out the strings of lights and it's apparent almost immediately that she does not have the patience required to untangle them. She quickly gives up and instead rises to her feet and announces she is going to order pizza.

Alex is gone for less than ten minutes but when she walks back into the living room, she can't help but laugh. In those ten minutes Casey has managed to haul every string of light out of the tote. She has them spread out on the floor and is working on a small strand, her face wrinkled up in concentration.

"Pizza will be here in fifteen," Alex tells her, sitting down. She watches Casey struggle for a few minutes. "Let's just go buy some new lights."

Casey glares at Alex. "New lights? No! I've had these forever. There is nothing wrong with them. They are just tangled. You of all people should know you don't give up on something because it's difficult." She tosses a tangled mess at Alex. "Here. You're going to help me."

Alex surrenders; she knows she doesn't have a choice anyway.

Twenty minutes later the pizza has arrived and the box is sitting on the floor beside them, three pieces missing already.

They haven't made much progress. Casey has gotten two strands apart but Alex hasn't even finished her first strand. Not that she's really trying that hard anyway.

Casey knows this. She takes another bite of pizza and gives Alex a cocky look. "You suck at this."

For some reason, this makes Alex laugh. She tosses the tangled strand aside and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

Casey slides closer to Alex and drapes one of the strands of lights around her shoulders. Alex sits there like a rag doll and lets Casey wrap it around her neck like a scarf. Then for added touch, she adds a strand of garland and Alex is left looking like a human Christmas tree.

Casey laughs and plugs in the strand of lights. They immediately come on, lighting Alex up like the fourth of July.

"Beautiful," Casey comments, kissing her cheek. "I think I may just have you stand in the corner there till Christmas and take the tree down."

"Glad you're amused," Alex says, unwrapping herself of the lights and dropping them down on the floor. She puts her arm around her girl and squeezes her tight. "I really love our first tree. This is going to be the best Christmas ever."

Casey sighs, nuzzling Alex's neck. "I'm going to be Cabot. Christmas day will be my first official day as a Cabot." Alex plays with the ring on Alex's finger. "This was supposed to be your Christmas present. I'm really sorry I can't afford to buy you anything else as nice."

Alex presses a kiss to Casey's cheek. "Don't you ever feel bad about that, Casey. Ever. This is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me. And you - you're the best gift anyone could ever ask for. Us, our future...it's all i want. All I'll ever want."

And that's all Casey wants too.

 **Do you think Casey should take the job? Or keep fighting for her prosecutor job?**


End file.
